I like to people watch. I don’t stare at people but will take special notice of good looking people or what I consider to be really odd people. Most people it’s more of a glance, okay next.
I’m autistic with major sensory issues. I deliberately dissociate as much as I can when I’m out in the world, reminding myself though to always look when I cross the street and to take a second glance at anything that doesn’t look right.
It takes a whole lot for me to take notice of a stranger in any case. They either have to look really unique (a neck tattoo doesn’t even cut it) or really potentially dangerous.
Not me. I don’t want to look at anyone. My girlfriend thinks everyone is looking at her, and I tell her that’s called the Spotlight Effect … that, in fact, no one is looking at her.
The only time I’m thinking abt other people in public is when I like their outfit or they have a dog or a cute baby or something and then I’m just like aw cute dog baby. Otherwise I only have my head on a swivel for safety reasons lol. I used to be like you but now I just have existential anxiety and it’s way better tbh hope you feel better abt social stuff as soon as possible 🙏🏼
I read everyone, the environment, the topography. I’m scanning everything like a border collie. it has nothing to do with you per se, I’m just prepared like…I might have to use you as a human sheild
I’m aware of other people, but I’m not judging them.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that people in general are rooting for each other. In most casual interactions, people try to give each other the benefit of the doubt and extend a lot of leeway to each other. If I get nervous, it helps a lot if I just tell people, “I’m nervous, please bear with me.” Or I might say, “I’m worried about doing this the wrong way, would you mind helping me?” Just acknowledge the anxiety you feel, and most people will forgive you and help you through it. In time, you won’t worry so much about what other people think. Maybe you’ll even start helping others when you see that they’re anxious, too.
Me. I can walk through the store and keep a list in my head of what I need, all without running into shit, and still notice those around me. It’s not that hard. 😝
It completely depends. Sometimes my attention is inside myself. Other times, my attention is out. I have to work to keep it out, but it’s worth the effort.
I generally really like people, so when I’m people-watching, I am curious and approving as my default stance. But if someone gives danger signals, I’ll shift to piercing attention or energetic pushing out of my personal space, like an expanding wall.
I also have social anxiety. The way I see it, is that probably half of everyone I walk past, is also at some stage or form of the same. You tend to pick up on the feelings of others, you can sense people similar to you. The empath. If someone is making noise unnecessarily, I’ll avoid. I’d much sooner sit in silence with a complete stranger. There’s more connection in that peace and serenity. Do people judge? No doubt, but that’s born of a lack of self awareness, and empathy towards others. It’s the socially anxious that provides the world with humanity and feeling. You’re an incredible person. Never doubt that.
I get where you’re coming from. I had bad social anxiety when I was younger and had the same struggle with feeling judged by everyone. So I’m going to answer this in two parts.
The majority of the time, I am not paying that level of attention to everyone around me. I have my own life to think about rather than look at and judge others. And that’s just when I’m alone. When I’m with someone else, I’m mostly concentrating on them and what we are talking about.
The only time I actually am looking at others is when I’m people watching. Even then it’s more of a game of trying to figure out their lives based on their clothing and mannerisms that I can observe.
Now to be clear, there is some judgement going on when I am observing people. But it isn’t about whether they are a good or bad person. It’s about whether I like their aesthetic which is purely an opinion. Me not liking what they are wearing or their hair or whatever is merely based on my tastes. It doesn’t make them a bad person.
Now if I observe them behaving badly then there is judgement there. That is based entirely on how they are treating other people.
So please be aware that if I have ever seen you, I may or may not have liked your clothes, your hair or whatever but as long as you were being nice and considerate to those around you, I automatically thought you were a good human.
Now for the next part.
What other people that you pass on the street or in the mall think about you doesn’t matter. More than likely, every one of those people you see and/or that see you will never be in your presence again. Even the vast majority of the people that you do cross paths with again won’t remember that they have seen you before.
I say that because it doesn’t matter what those people think. They have basically zero impact on your life. Worrying about whether they are judging you takes a massive toll on your emotions. And it’s an unnecessary toll because those people don’t matter.
That’s a lesson it took me too long to figure out. Once I did, I was less stressed and able to enjoy life more. I hope what I’ve said helps you do the same.
I’m a people watcher, but not necessarily judging them, or not on the things you may be anxious about. I sew, so I’m often looking at the clothing itself, how the fabric sits, etc.
I also have social anxiety, and I really don’t pay attention that much to other people except when I’m wondering if they’re judging me or the occasional mood to people watch. I’m not judging them either, just appreciating and soaking in vibes. I’m sure there are a million things I’m not noticing about them when I do
I recently saw a tall older man, easily 75+, wearing a long purple coat with gold accents, and a matching hat. He was just walking out of a doctor’s office and going to his car. Looked like the king of pimp town. I didn’t think “he looks ridiculous”, but rather “He’s pulling it off, good for him. Wish I had a coat like that.”
I forgot about that moment until I read this post.
People are paying attention to you, but nobody is thinking bad things about you, even if you stand out like a sore thumb. And then they forget they even saw you in the first place.
I’ve always enjoyed people watching, and I try to be aware of what’s going on around me while in public. But there are plenty of times when I’m not doing either. So yes and no. As far as judging/ assessing goes, yes. But after a couple of seconds, I’ve moved on.
Also the answer to your question is no, I used to have this problem too and upon closer inspection (after I forced myself to stop daydreaming) I realised that it was just selective bias.
I used to think that everybody was laughing at me whenever I walked by but that wasn’t the case, it never was.
In reality I’d look around and whenever I noticed someone smirking or smiling my brain just assumed that they were laughing at me.
Most of the time when people make a weird face in front of you it is because they were making that face while thinking of something else and just happened to make eye contact with you at the same time.
I watch people but I’m not judging, just seeing them exist. I think the only time I judge is when people are at stores and make my shopping experience suck (ie full carts in 10 items or less self check out)
I people watch and try to imagine their lives. I’m 100% judging subconsciously and making stereotypes. The fact that everyone has a different reality fascinates me, and I feel like I’m always trying to see it or understand it through other people.
Here is a fun experiment. Wear something strange that stands out.
It doesn’t have to be super wild, just noticeable. For instance, wearing clothing typically associated with the opposite gender.
It can’t be too much, because then people will actively avoid looking at you. If it’s just enough then you’ll start to noticed certain people noticing. They typically won’t react directly towards you, but will have unavoidable reactions that you can see.
This will confirm for you how often people are actually seeing you, and how often people are actively tuning you out.
Never. Not at all. I mean only enough to walk through busy places without bumping into them if I can help it. But I dont “people watch” for more than a second, if that. Especially if they are young, I try not to look because I know teens and young people can sometimes be self-conscious, which is normal for their age, so I try not to add to their anxiety.
In my college writing class, one of our professors mentioned it can be useful to eavesdrop on strangers conversations. Not to be creepy but to listen to how real people talk and incorporate it into our dialogue. It felt creepy at first but it was a cool exercise.
I feel the same way where I think people are staring at me, so I tend to look at everyone to see what they’re actually up to. I feel paranoid out in public.
I do people watch when I don’t have any other options, but I think the important thing is that it really doesn’t stick with me. I’m just stuck in public, anxious myself, and trying to get to the next moment. Unless I see something really wild, I’m not going to remember or care.
To put it another way, I might see someone in public while I’m people watching, but if I ever met them I don’t think I would remember, so it’s not like I’m really putting a “spotlight” on any individual. I wouldn’t consider it a first impression, and I’m not truly (almost never) making any judgments about anyone because I get anxious about people doing that to me
I am a person who doesn’t enjoy being stared at or studied, so I avoid doing it to others. I notice a big difference between me and my fiance in this, because he is an observer. When we’re at the gym, I mind my business and don’t really look at anyone except in passing. My fiance on the other hand is basically scanning the room.
We got in the car once after a workout session and he starts talking about the people who were at the gym that day, and I had to tell him that “people like you are the reason I’ve been avoiding gyms my whole life”, and he had to take a moment to think about that. He can scan and observe as much as he wants, but I don’t want to hear about his observations because it makes me wonder if anyone has been eyeballing me and if I am currently being talked about in a different car by two strangers, and that makes me wildly uncomfortable.
i think most people are more worried about themselves than everyone else. i know some people who have this same issue, thinking everyone is looking at them and thinking about what they’re doing/how they look. i’m frequently reminding them that people have their own shit to worry about. no ones obsessing over you in this crowd of randoms.
I’m the same and even worse than that I’m like that with people I know as well meaning I often end up missing out on things as I’m paranoid people will be thinking the worst of me.
Social anxiety is a horrible thing to have – very isolating.
For what it’s worth, out in public, I think most people pay very little attention to anyone else around them unless they’re behaving oddly. Everyone is more interested in themselves I think!
my eyes are glued to the floor most of the time so not really ever, someone I know could walk by me and I probably wouldn’t even notice.
I will say, that’s probably just my own anxiety —I like people watching if im wearing sunglasses and other people can’t see my eyes (but no not ever judging just observing)
I usually don’t pay attention to people I don’t know, unless they’re doing or wearing something that draws attention to them, kind of like New York’s Green Lady.
I say this with compassion and respect. There is a fine line between self-conscious and self-centered.
I too have social anxiety, but mine is more related to my ADHD, and is set off by trips to Costco or Trader Joe’s. I’m also 46 years old, and have learned:
Folks are too self conscious to be watching me.
I’m not interesting enough for others to watch.
I can no longer muster the energy to care.
The ability to stop caring is a superpower that starts to develop in your mid 30s. And in your 40s you are issued an invisibility cloak you can put on at will. It gets better, I promise.
I honestly couldn’t give a fuck about other strangers around me. I will be nice and polite but I don’t notice people because they don’t care about me and I don’t care about them
Yes and the quickest cure for social anxiety is realizing this. Nobody cares. The people who do pay that much attention to care/judge others are not people you want to concern yourself with. They’re small minded and have problems they need to work out.
It’s just your anxiety overpowering your mind /brain. It’s a bit extreme especially if you’re run public. Keep in mind that people watching is very very popular. I do think you’re being irrational . Anxiety does that. Just find mindful tactics to help with social anxiety .
90% of the time, people are NPCs. The blending of colors on the other side of the stadium at a baseball game. The other 10%, I watch couples body language. Where they place their drinks on the table, who’s doing the most talking, eyerolls, etc.
I overcame this by seeing if I remember anyone making mistakes. 99% of the time I don’t and even if i did remember it’s literally nothing. You don’t see them again
I am often thinking about and looking at other people and wondering if they’re doing the same. It seems at most times, most likely not! And if they are looking and judging, that don’t change anything bout you and only makes them weird!
If I look around and think something about someone, it’s usually positive. “Oh she has pretty hair”, “love those pants”, “that kid is so cute”… it’s never really anything judgmental, just a quick fleeting thought
Clearly it depends. If you are minding your business at the grocery store I’ll hardly register I passed by you. If you are shouting loudly on speaker or watching ticktocks with volume up in a public place I’ll give you a death stare and judge the hell out of you for being rude. I’m not saying you have to shrink in personality to be ignored- by all means dress the way you want/ dye your hair pink and pierce every orifice. Just follow what used to be a social contract of reading the room and acting appropriately for the situation.
you don’t matter. no one cares about you. i can have an hour long conversation with someone and only vaguely remember what they looked like. the only things that stick with me from interacting with someone typically is smell. once in awhile i remember if they’re attractive. i forget 90% of the interaction after that person leaves.
on the bright side this should alleviate social anxiety. on the dark side, you may experience some existential anguish.
I have a general idea of what other people around me are doing, but I’m looking at “threat” versus “not threat.” I don’t know why, but that’s how I see strangers in a public place. A vast majority are “not threat” but there have been a few who needed to be watched. Those are the people who are staring too much at someone, standing or walking too close while the other person shows signs of discomfort or moving toward someone “too fast.” Like I said, it’s rare, but it’s always in the back of my mind.
There was an experiment where the subject was asked to wear a Barry Mantalo T-shirt over their clothing, then told that there was an issue with their experiment and was sent to a waiting room with several other people there. After a while they were told that their experiment was cancelled and asked how many people noticed their T-shirt. The others were asked about them. Every t-shirt wearer felt noticed, few of the others mentioned the t-shirt. This may help you as little as telling someone anxious,”Don’t worry so much.” But I hope your life improves.
Not entirely irrational. It’s rational to think people are looking at you (though it’s highly unlikely everyone is), and peoples’ judgment is a naturally occurring thing. Even if they are, their thoughts can’t hurt you. They’re probably going to stop thinking about you the moment they look away. Plus, judgment isn’t always negative.
think about the last hottest person you saw on the street that you were walking past. Do you remember any details about that person besides that they were attractive?
Think about the last time you thought someone shoes were nice. Do you remember any details about those shoes besides that they were nice shoes?
Think about the last time you talked to someone face to face with someone. Can you remember any details about them? He has his hair styled nice? what was the style? Were there highlights that might’ve been added?
I remember there was a pink vehicle that stood out recently. Do I remember who drove the car? nope. Do I even remember the make and model? nope.
Unless you go out of your way to find out details about people, you’re not going to remember anything. That’s 99.9999999% of people. especially in a big city.
Who cares if they judge you at that very moment. More than likely they’re judging a ton of people every day. They won’t remember every single judgement on every single person that make after like 10 minutes. Most people aren’t taking notes on every judgement that they make. If they are… just stay away from that person. They’re not worth associating with.
One thing you learn if you work customer service and one thing that helped me, is plenty of people are just as anxious as you and I don’t think you’re sitting there judging them. Most people have better things to do/more important things on their minds than to judge you.
Honestly just be yourself because nothing is more embarrassing than acting like something you aren’t and have no intention of becoming.
Life is far far too short to be worried about what a stranger who doesn’t care about you may or may not think of you. Why would it matter? So what if a random man or woman across the street who you see once for maybe ten seconds has a negative thought about you? So what if they have a positive one? Did it impact your life? Was it worth panicking over?
Paying attention/noticing, and actually caring about a person are two very different things.
I pay attention to my surroundings – I will probably see you, but unless you are an active threat to me I won’t really care much about you, or what your agenda is.
No one is looking at you. Everyone has their own thing going on and even if they’re just people watching and happen to see you they still aren’t LOOKING.
Go live your life, people are too self absorbed to care what you’re doing!
I also have anxiety and am hyper-aware of my surroundings most of the time. As such, I can reassure you that sooooo many people are not paying attention to anything at all lol. But I think as a person with anxiety who notices more, I also tend to assume that everyone else is as aware as I am. I was proven dead wrong at Costco last night 😭
everyone is just an image in my peripheral vision. somehow tho, 60% of the time when i turn my head and look at someone, theyre already looking at me. especially when im driving. it freaks the shit outta me.
I like to watch people when I find myself in Walmart. Something about that retail Mecca makes people forget how to human and go completely feral. It’s entertaining to say the least.
Most people are doing exactly what you are. I’ve been in sales for 30yrs and can tell you that people live in fear almost all the time. Then there are people like me that absolutely take advantage of that.
I suffer with hypervigilance. I see everyone and y’all make me nervous as fuck. Weirdly enough, people who seem really out there bother me less than “normal” people. Like, I’m not worried about the guy wearing a flowerpot as a hat talking to himself – he’s on his own trip. It’s the guy in the perfectly normal suit doing perfectly normal things who is probably going to attack me for no reason.
Do I look at or watch people judgementally, like you’re concerned? No. Not at all. Unless you’re wearing something I like or doing something neat, in which case if you notice my gaze I’ll give you a compliment. I’m bit of a magpie in that if it sparkles or shines, it draws my attention so I’m often complimenting people’s jewelry. I’m not a creep, you’re just sparkly! 🙂
Most people are looking at their phones. I read about the ‘spotlight effect’ in a psychology module years ago — people tend to overestimate how much others are paying attention to them, so don’t worry too much, OP.
I am just naturally one of those people who is always aware of their surroundings (childhood trauma 👎🏼) but I am not judging anyone unless they’re being an asshole to those around them or causing a scene.
If you’re just minding your business doing your grocery shopping, I see you but I don’t particularly have opinions.
Mostly never. Like most people I have other things on my mind than looking at random people. If people glance at you, they aren’t thinking about you. Just give them a smile and it will brighten their day.
Sure I look at other people, but almost never with any malice. If someone is acting out of pocket I might fixate on them so I know they’re not a threat. Otherwise, I’ll see YOU OP! And I’ll think, “Well there’s a person living their life. Good for them.” and then on to the next.
I think we all do a bit of threat analysis reflexively, but I don’t really think many adults observe to be weird about it. You get some peaked-in-high-school types that will make rude commentary, but I haven’t heard that in a long long time.
Not at all. I may notice an outfit or shoes on someone, because they are neat or whatever. That’s the extent of it, typically, I only notice someone in some positive sense.
If someone’s making a scene, or getting rough with their kids, yeah, there might be a flash of judgment. But that’s really it. And even then I forget about it soon after, unless it’s particularly bad.
Right now I daydream a lot and I’m oblivious to other people to the point that I sometimes walk into them by accident.
When I was a teenager I used to be worried about being stared at and judged all the time. I wouldn’t even eat in public and wouldn’t take photographs in case I got caught with a funky looking expression. As I got older, I just stopped caring. I figured anyone who was offended by my presence wasn’t worth my time anyway.
If you do have social anxiety, it would really help to get some therapy for it. People don’t really care what you look like or what you’re doing. You’re the one who cares the most and is the most critical of yourself. Be gentle with yourself.
Yes I am. I pay extreme attention…. to wondering if people are paying attention to me and judging me. Or my hair. Or my shoes. Or my expression. Or if I should’ve said hi to someone but I didn’t and now people think I’m acting rude. Or if I’m walking weird. Or if my shirt’s proper.
This may come across as negative, but I found it life changing in the most positive way…
When I was a teen I struggled with this a lot. There was a time when I’d literally cry in the street if I saw people talking and laughing because I assumed they must be laughing at me.
Then I had the most freeing realization… I’m not that important, the average person doesn’t care about me.
It sounds negative but it’s totally not, I realized it was my own (negative) form of main character syndrome. I thought about when I walk down the street, how often am I judging what they look like? Literally not at all because I’m too self absorbed to spend my thoughts on them… and realistically they are too, or they’re just actually living their life and again, not thinking about the stranger they walk by.
It’s a weird form of narcissism because obviously there’s low self esteem and normally you view narcissism with someone arrogant and cocky but negative self view is still all about you (or me). Once you accept you’re not that special, it’s a big relief and you can get a little bit out of your head.
If someone looks exceptionally great, potentially threatening or really unusual for whatever reason, I would likely notice the person. Outside of the potentially threatening dimension, I don’t do much judging.
Not the answer you were hoping for, but I do actually notice lots of little details about random people in public. However, this is because I am autistic, so don’t worry, the majority of people will not be paying attention to you. Also I don’t judge, I just observe tons of unimportant details for no reason whatsoever.
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I glance at people all the time, but it’s fleeting. I don’t dwell on them or give another thought
I like to people watch. I don’t stare at people but will take special notice of good looking people or what I consider to be really odd people. Most people it’s more of a glance, okay next.
I’m autistic with major sensory issues. I deliberately dissociate as much as I can when I’m out in the world, reminding myself though to always look when I cross the street and to take a second glance at anything that doesn’t look right.
It takes a whole lot for me to take notice of a stranger in any case. They either have to look really unique (a neck tattoo doesn’t even cut it) or really potentially dangerous.
Not me. I don’t want to look at anyone. My girlfriend thinks everyone is looking at her, and I tell her that’s called the Spotlight Effect … that, in fact, no one is looking at her.
No one cares as much about you as you do. Rarely a passing thought unless there’s an obvious reason to stare & comment & that’s just rude!!!
I am, watching everyone and everything. Used to be my job to plan.
The only time I’m thinking abt other people in public is when I like their outfit or they have a dog or a cute baby or something and then I’m just like aw cute dog baby. Otherwise I only have my head on a swivel for safety reasons lol. I used to be like you but now I just have existential anxiety and it’s way better tbh hope you feel better abt social stuff as soon as possible 🙏🏼
I read everyone, the environment, the topography. I’m scanning everything like a border collie. it has nothing to do with you per se, I’m just prepared like…I might have to use you as a human sheild
I’m aware of other people, but I’m not judging them.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that people in general are rooting for each other. In most casual interactions, people try to give each other the benefit of the doubt and extend a lot of leeway to each other. If I get nervous, it helps a lot if I just tell people, “I’m nervous, please bear with me.” Or I might say, “I’m worried about doing this the wrong way, would you mind helping me?” Just acknowledge the anxiety you feel, and most people will forgive you and help you through it. In time, you won’t worry so much about what other people think. Maybe you’ll even start helping others when you see that they’re anxious, too.
Me. I can walk through the store and keep a list in my head of what I need, all without running into shit, and still notice those around me. It’s not that hard. 😝
It completely depends. Sometimes my attention is inside myself. Other times, my attention is out. I have to work to keep it out, but it’s worth the effort.
I generally really like people, so when I’m people-watching, I am curious and approving as my default stance. But if someone gives danger signals, I’ll shift to piercing attention or energetic pushing out of my personal space, like an expanding wall.
I also have social anxiety. The way I see it, is that probably half of everyone I walk past, is also at some stage or form of the same. You tend to pick up on the feelings of others, you can sense people similar to you. The empath. If someone is making noise unnecessarily, I’ll avoid. I’d much sooner sit in silence with a complete stranger. There’s more connection in that peace and serenity. Do people judge? No doubt, but that’s born of a lack of self awareness, and empathy towards others. It’s the socially anxious that provides the world with humanity and feeling. You’re an incredible person. Never doubt that.
Depends if they are hot or not…
I get where you’re coming from. I had bad social anxiety when I was younger and had the same struggle with feeling judged by everyone. So I’m going to answer this in two parts.
The majority of the time, I am not paying that level of attention to everyone around me. I have my own life to think about rather than look at and judge others. And that’s just when I’m alone. When I’m with someone else, I’m mostly concentrating on them and what we are talking about.
The only time I actually am looking at others is when I’m people watching. Even then it’s more of a game of trying to figure out their lives based on their clothing and mannerisms that I can observe.
Now to be clear, there is some judgement going on when I am observing people. But it isn’t about whether they are a good or bad person. It’s about whether I like their aesthetic which is purely an opinion. Me not liking what they are wearing or their hair or whatever is merely based on my tastes. It doesn’t make them a bad person.
Now if I observe them behaving badly then there is judgement there. That is based entirely on how they are treating other people.
So please be aware that if I have ever seen you, I may or may not have liked your clothes, your hair or whatever but as long as you were being nice and considerate to those around you, I automatically thought you were a good human.
Now for the next part.
What other people that you pass on the street or in the mall think about you doesn’t matter. More than likely, every one of those people you see and/or that see you will never be in your presence again. Even the vast majority of the people that you do cross paths with again won’t remember that they have seen you before.
I say that because it doesn’t matter what those people think. They have basically zero impact on your life. Worrying about whether they are judging you takes a massive toll on your emotions. And it’s an unnecessary toll because those people don’t matter.
That’s a lesson it took me too long to figure out. Once I did, I was less stressed and able to enjoy life more. I hope what I’ve said helps you do the same.
I don’t really pay attention unless they are doing something bizarre or they have exceptional features and it is a simple pause in my movements.
We stare at people and make up stories about them all the time. lol Thought everyone did!
But to notice as I think you are meaning, no.
I’m a people watcher, but not necessarily judging them, or not on the things you may be anxious about. I sew, so I’m often looking at the clothing itself, how the fabric sits, etc.
Just mundane stuff like that.
Yeah you’re irrational, that’s the social anxiety. Unless you’re doing something eye catching no one cares.
I pay attention to people all the time because I like to be aware of my surroundings but I only judge them if they’re being selfish assholes.
I look down on the jerks who listen to stuff through the speakers on their phones, park over the lines, and anything else inconsiderate like that.
I also have social anxiety, and I really don’t pay attention that much to other people except when I’m wondering if they’re judging me or the occasional mood to people watch. I’m not judging them either, just appreciating and soaking in vibes. I’m sure there are a million things I’m not noticing about them when I do
I pay attention to who’s around me
I’m always looking out for signs to show someone is actually only pretending to be nornal
I recently saw a tall older man, easily 75+, wearing a long purple coat with gold accents, and a matching hat. He was just walking out of a doctor’s office and going to his car. Looked like the king of pimp town. I didn’t think “he looks ridiculous”, but rather “He’s pulling it off, good for him. Wish I had a coat like that.”
I forgot about that moment until I read this post.
People are paying attention to you, but nobody is thinking bad things about you, even if you stand out like a sore thumb. And then they forget they even saw you in the first place.
I’ve always enjoyed people watching, and I try to be aware of what’s going on around me while in public. But there are plenty of times when I’m not doing either. So yes and no. As far as judging/ assessing goes, yes. But after a couple of seconds, I’ve moved on.
Do you daydream while walking?
Also the answer to your question is no, I used to have this problem too and upon closer inspection (after I forced myself to stop daydreaming) I realised that it was just selective bias.
I used to think that everybody was laughing at me whenever I walked by but that wasn’t the case, it never was.
In reality I’d look around and whenever I noticed someone smirking or smiling my brain just assumed that they were laughing at me.
Most of the time when people make a weird face in front of you it is because they were making that face while thinking of something else and just happened to make eye contact with you at the same time.
Judgemental people do exist but they’re rare.
All. The. Time. I am hyper focused by nature so I notice everything.
I watch people but I’m not judging, just seeing them exist. I think the only time I judge is when people are at stores and make my shopping experience suck (ie full carts in 10 items or less self check out)
I people watch and try to imagine their lives. I’m 100% judging subconsciously and making stereotypes. The fact that everyone has a different reality fascinates me, and I feel like I’m always trying to see it or understand it through other people.
Here is a fun experiment. Wear something strange that stands out.
It doesn’t have to be super wild, just noticeable. For instance, wearing clothing typically associated with the opposite gender.
It can’t be too much, because then people will actively avoid looking at you. If it’s just enough then you’ll start to noticed certain people noticing. They typically won’t react directly towards you, but will have unavoidable reactions that you can see.
This will confirm for you how often people are actually seeing you, and how often people are actively tuning you out.
Never. Not at all. I mean only enough to walk through busy places without bumping into them if I can help it. But I dont “people watch” for more than a second, if that. Especially if they are young, I try not to look because I know teens and young people can sometimes be self-conscious, which is normal for their age, so I try not to add to their anxiety.
In my college writing class, one of our professors mentioned it can be useful to eavesdrop on strangers conversations. Not to be creepy but to listen to how real people talk and incorporate it into our dialogue. It felt creepy at first but it was a cool exercise.
I feel the same way where I think people are staring at me, so I tend to look at everyone to see what they’re actually up to. I feel paranoid out in public.
I do people watch when I don’t have any other options, but I think the important thing is that it really doesn’t stick with me. I’m just stuck in public, anxious myself, and trying to get to the next moment. Unless I see something really wild, I’m not going to remember or care.
To put it another way, I might see someone in public while I’m people watching, but if I ever met them I don’t think I would remember, so it’s not like I’m really putting a “spotlight” on any individual. I wouldn’t consider it a first impression, and I’m not truly (almost never) making any judgments about anyone because I get anxious about people doing that to me
I am overly observant and pay attention to literally everyone around me. It’s exhausting.
I rarely judge. It’s not my place.
I am a person who doesn’t enjoy being stared at or studied, so I avoid doing it to others. I notice a big difference between me and my fiance in this, because he is an observer. When we’re at the gym, I mind my business and don’t really look at anyone except in passing. My fiance on the other hand is basically scanning the room.
We got in the car once after a workout session and he starts talking about the people who were at the gym that day, and I had to tell him that “people like you are the reason I’ve been avoiding gyms my whole life”, and he had to take a moment to think about that. He can scan and observe as much as he wants, but I don’t want to hear about his observations because it makes me wonder if anyone has been eyeballing me and if I am currently being talked about in a different car by two strangers, and that makes me wildly uncomfortable.
i think most people are more worried about themselves than everyone else. i know some people who have this same issue, thinking everyone is looking at them and thinking about what they’re doing/how they look. i’m frequently reminding them that people have their own shit to worry about. no ones obsessing over you in this crowd of randoms.
I’m the same and even worse than that I’m like that with people I know as well meaning I often end up missing out on things as I’m paranoid people will be thinking the worst of me.
Social anxiety is a horrible thing to have – very isolating.
For what it’s worth, out in public, I think most people pay very little attention to anyone else around them unless they’re behaving oddly. Everyone is more interested in themselves I think!
my eyes are glued to the floor most of the time so not really ever, someone I know could walk by me and I probably wouldn’t even notice.
I will say, that’s probably just my own anxiety —I like people watching if im wearing sunglasses and other people can’t see my eyes (but no not ever judging just observing)
I give them a glance, notice if they have flashy earrings on or something, but I don’t really have the brainspace to care
I usually don’t pay attention to people I don’t know, unless they’re doing or wearing something that draws attention to them, kind of like New York’s Green Lady.
I scan for threats and keep it pushing, if you aren’t threatening, you aren’t on my radar.
I say this with compassion and respect. There is a fine line between self-conscious and self-centered.
I too have social anxiety, but mine is more related to my ADHD, and is set off by trips to Costco or Trader Joe’s. I’m also 46 years old, and have learned:
The ability to stop caring is a superpower that starts to develop in your mid 30s. And in your 40s you are issued an invisibility cloak you can put on at will. It gets better, I promise.
I honestly couldn’t give a fuck about other strangers around me. I will be nice and polite but I don’t notice people because they don’t care about me and I don’t care about them
I don’t care lol
Yes and the quickest cure for social anxiety is realizing this. Nobody cares. The people who do pay that much attention to care/judge others are not people you want to concern yourself with. They’re small minded and have problems they need to work out.
The majority of us are focused on us
Half and half. Sometimes I wouldn’t notice if a gorilla was walking around in sweats, but sometimes I’m people-watching
Where did you go yesterday? The store? Whom did you see there? Can’t remember, can you?
I’m judging people all the time. But I’m just some rando on the street, so what does my judgement matter to them?
It’s just your anxiety overpowering your mind /brain. It’s a bit extreme especially if you’re run public. Keep in mind that people watching is very very popular. I do think you’re being irrational . Anxiety does that. Just find mindful tactics to help with social anxiety .
I watch everything and notice most things. Which means I know for sure most people don’t.
Once you work in a profession or get into a mindset of watching your environment, you can’t really ever shut it off.
I actively try and ignore them
The only time I ever pay attention to others is when I get passed by a pretty girl #lesbianmoment. Otherwise I couldn’t care less
I do but it’s just to make sure that I’m not doing anything obnoxious that would cause people to feel uncomfortable.
I mean I’m generally aware of who’s around me because you should be. But I’m not judging.
Unless you really, *really* stink, are acting like a weirdo, or are dressed provocatively, no one is paying attention.
Oh gosh yes. Former law enforcement, I’m paying attention to everyone out of sheer habit.
90% of the time, people are NPCs. The blending of colors on the other side of the stadium at a baseball game. The other 10%, I watch couples body language. Where they place their drinks on the table, who’s doing the most talking, eyerolls, etc.
I also check out hot folks and that’s it
I look at everyone nearby but I’m not really judging. More curiosity.
I overcame this by seeing if I remember anyone making mistakes. 99% of the time I don’t and even if i did remember it’s literally nothing. You don’t see them again
Once I stared at one person while walking and crashed into a pole. It was awkward and I broke my glasses. I haven’t looked at anyone since.
I sometimes like to people watch. But, I note what they’re doing and if they have any cool things without judging them.
I keep my wits about me, but other than that, I keep keepin’ on l.
I am often thinking about and looking at other people and wondering if they’re doing the same. It seems at most times, most likely not! And if they are looking and judging, that don’t change anything bout you and only makes them weird!
Much more today than before…
I look at everybody, all the time. Just scanning. Old retired copper here… Long habit.
I don’t.
If I look around and think something about someone, it’s usually positive. “Oh she has pretty hair”, “love those pants”, “that kid is so cute”… it’s never really anything judgmental, just a quick fleeting thought
I do have bouts of anxiety, but I love people watching. A good motto is “don’t judge someone until you’re perfect”
Clearly it depends. If you are minding your business at the grocery store I’ll hardly register I passed by you. If you are shouting loudly on speaker or watching ticktocks with volume up in a public place I’ll give you a death stare and judge the hell out of you for being rude. I’m not saying you have to shrink in personality to be ignored- by all means dress the way you want/ dye your hair pink and pierce every orifice. Just follow what used to be a social contract of reading the room and acting appropriately for the situation.
you don’t matter. no one cares about you. i can have an hour long conversation with someone and only vaguely remember what they looked like. the only things that stick with me from interacting with someone typically is smell. once in awhile i remember if they’re attractive. i forget 90% of the interaction after that person leaves.
on the bright side this should alleviate social anxiety. on the dark side, you may experience some existential anguish.
Unless you’re making a scene, I probably don’t notice you.
If you have a dog, I’ll notice the dog, but not the person.
I pay attention a lot… and 30 seconds later I forget… I mean here’s a question to you…
Can you remember anyone you saw from public this week? Probably bet no right? Same for us
Sounds like the first time I got stoned in public
Half the reason I go out is to watch people
A general sense of if someone being sketch, but not much more than that. I listen to convos more than I watch people.
Not normally, unless they either:
Aside from that, they are forgotten within seconds or not even noticed
I don’t pay attention to people but I am aware of what’s going on around me should I need to become situationally aware.
I have a general idea of what other people around me are doing, but I’m looking at “threat” versus “not threat.” I don’t know why, but that’s how I see strangers in a public place. A vast majority are “not threat” but there have been a few who needed to be watched. Those are the people who are staring too much at someone, standing or walking too close while the other person shows signs of discomfort or moving toward someone “too fast.” Like I said, it’s rare, but it’s always in the back of my mind.
There was an experiment where the subject was asked to wear a Barry Mantalo T-shirt over their clothing, then told that there was an issue with their experiment and was sent to a waiting room with several other people there. After a while they were told that their experiment was cancelled and asked how many people noticed their T-shirt. The others were asked about them. Every t-shirt wearer felt noticed, few of the others mentioned the t-shirt. This may help you as little as telling someone anxious,”Don’t worry so much.” But I hope your life improves.
Not entirely irrational. It’s rational to think people are looking at you (though it’s highly unlikely everyone is), and peoples’ judgment is a naturally occurring thing. Even if they are, their thoughts can’t hurt you. They’re probably going to stop thinking about you the moment they look away. Plus, judgment isn’t always negative.
Edited to answer OP’s question.
I glance, might make a remark in my head and then promptly forget they ever existed. Unless it’s something truly out of the ordinary
think about the last hottest person you saw on the street that you were walking past. Do you remember any details about that person besides that they were attractive?
Think about the last time you thought someone shoes were nice. Do you remember any details about those shoes besides that they were nice shoes?
Think about the last time you talked to someone face to face with someone. Can you remember any details about them? He has his hair styled nice? what was the style? Were there highlights that might’ve been added?
I remember there was a pink vehicle that stood out recently. Do I remember who drove the car? nope. Do I even remember the make and model? nope.
Unless you go out of your way to find out details about people, you’re not going to remember anything. That’s 99.9999999% of people. especially in a big city.
Who cares if they judge you at that very moment. More than likely they’re judging a ton of people every day. They won’t remember every single judgement on every single person that make after like 10 minutes. Most people aren’t taking notes on every judgement that they make. If they are… just stay away from that person. They’re not worth associating with.
I’m constantly observing body language
Honestly, someone could get murdered right next to me and I probably wouldn’t notice that’s how little attention I pay to other people in public.
Partially paying attention because I think people are staring at me, the other part is because I like to be aware of my surroundings.
Look around n gauge the situation everywhere I go. Especially holidays.
One thing you learn if you work customer service and one thing that helped me, is plenty of people are just as anxious as you and I don’t think you’re sitting there judging them. Most people have better things to do/more important things on their minds than to judge you.
Honestly just be yourself because nothing is more embarrassing than acting like something you aren’t and have no intention of becoming.
Life is far far too short to be worried about what a stranger who doesn’t care about you may or may not think of you. Why would it matter? So what if a random man or woman across the street who you see once for maybe ten seconds has a negative thought about you? So what if they have a positive one? Did it impact your life? Was it worth panicking over?
Paying attention/noticing, and actually caring about a person are two very different things.
I pay attention to my surroundings – I will probably see you, but unless you are an active threat to me I won’t really care much about you, or what your agenda is.
I don’t unless you stand out
>How many of you are actually paying attention to other people in public?
>As someone with social anxiety, I think everyone is looking at me and judging me. That seems extreme. Am I irrational?
To be as gentle as possible. You nor anyone else is special enough to give any attention or focus, as a random passerby.
Seconds after glancing at a person their entire existence is quick deleted from people’s minds.
I enjoy people watching but I don’t judge or obsess. I find everyone interesting.
I personally am a huge people watcher and I’m always trying to look at people
However
I feel like it’s never the other way around. I’m the weirdo that watches people, and I never see other people looking at me, so I think you’re safe.
You are irrational. I’m also paying attention to you as we exist in each other’s area. Maybe some judgement, but who the fuck am I?
My wife and I love people watching. It’s a guilty pleasure.
But you know what? I can’t describe one person I’ve ever “noticed” before. I doubt I’ve remembered anyone longer than 10 min after I saw them.
Never mostly.
No one is looking at you. Everyone has their own thing going on and even if they’re just people watching and happen to see you they still aren’t LOOKING.
Go live your life, people are too self absorbed to care what you’re doing!
I also have anxiety and am hyper-aware of my surroundings most of the time. As such, I can reassure you that sooooo many people are not paying attention to anything at all lol. But I think as a person with anxiety who notices more, I also tend to assume that everyone else is as aware as I am. I was proven dead wrong at Costco last night 😭
everyone is just an image in my peripheral vision. somehow tho, 60% of the time when i turn my head and look at someone, theyre already looking at me. especially when im driving. it freaks the shit outta me.
I try to pay attention to my surroundings in public. Not so much from anxiety, but because of retail.
I like to watch people when I find myself in Walmart. Something about that retail Mecca makes people forget how to human and go completely feral. It’s entertaining to say the least.
People aren’t paying nearly as much attention to us as we think they are.
I’m paying attention because I’m looking for acts of aggression or immenent violence.
I scan for danger. otherwise I don’t care about other people and what they are doing.
Most people are doing exactly what you are. I’ve been in sales for 30yrs and can tell you that people live in fear almost all the time. Then there are people like me that absolutely take advantage of that.
No one gives a shit.
Man you could walk naked on the street and people wouldn’t care for the most part.
Sometimes. It’s not judgmental; it’s sonder.
I’m constantly on the lookout for a threat. Always ready to defend or run.
I suffer with hypervigilance. I see everyone and y’all make me nervous as fuck. Weirdly enough, people who seem really out there bother me less than “normal” people. Like, I’m not worried about the guy wearing a flowerpot as a hat talking to himself – he’s on his own trip. It’s the guy in the perfectly normal suit doing perfectly normal things who is probably going to attack me for no reason.
No, but also yes, and kinda maybe.
Do I look at or watch people judgementally, like you’re concerned? No. Not at all. Unless you’re wearing something I like or doing something neat, in which case if you notice my gaze I’ll give you a compliment. I’m bit of a magpie in that if it sparkles or shines, it draws my attention so I’m often complimenting people’s jewelry. I’m not a creep, you’re just sparkly! 🙂
PTSD breeds hyper vigilance, so yes but as an OCD compulsion.
Most people are looking at their phones. I read about the ‘spotlight effect’ in a psychology module years ago — people tend to overestimate how much others are paying attention to them, so don’t worry too much, OP.
The only people i notice are either loud and obnoxious (negative) or interesting and attractive (positive). The rest are like outdoor wallpaper.
I am just naturally one of those people who is always aware of their surroundings (childhood trauma 👎🏼) but I am not judging anyone unless they’re being an asshole to those around them or causing a scene.
If you’re just minding your business doing your grocery shopping, I see you but I don’t particularly have opinions.
Mostly never. Like most people I have other things on my mind than looking at random people. If people glance at you, they aren’t thinking about you. Just give them a smile and it will brighten their day.
Sure I look at other people, but almost never with any malice. If someone is acting out of pocket I might fixate on them so I know they’re not a threat. Otherwise, I’ll see YOU OP! And I’ll think, “Well there’s a person living their life. Good for them.” and then on to the next.
I think we all do a bit of threat analysis reflexively, but I don’t really think many adults observe to be weird about it. You get some peaked-in-high-school types that will make rude commentary, but I haven’t heard that in a long long time.
Not at all. I may notice an outfit or shoes on someone, because they are neat or whatever. That’s the extent of it, typically, I only notice someone in some positive sense.
If someone’s making a scene, or getting rough with their kids, yeah, there might be a flash of judgment. But that’s really it. And even then I forget about it soon after, unless it’s particularly bad.
Right now I daydream a lot and I’m oblivious to other people to the point that I sometimes walk into them by accident.
When I was a teenager I used to be worried about being stared at and judged all the time. I wouldn’t even eat in public and wouldn’t take photographs in case I got caught with a funky looking expression. As I got older, I just stopped caring. I figured anyone who was offended by my presence wasn’t worth my time anyway.
If you do have social anxiety, it would really help to get some therapy for it. People don’t really care what you look like or what you’re doing. You’re the one who cares the most and is the most critical of yourself. Be gentle with yourself.
I’m only looking for people who seem out of place, too nervous, etc. I’m not judging, I’m just paranoid at this point.
Yes I am. I pay extreme attention…. to wondering if people are paying attention to me and judging me. Or my hair. Or my shoes. Or my expression. Or if I should’ve said hi to someone but I didn’t and now people think I’m acting rude. Or if I’m walking weird. Or if my shirt’s proper.
Enough to have situational awareness. That’s it.
This may come across as negative, but I found it life changing in the most positive way…
When I was a teen I struggled with this a lot. There was a time when I’d literally cry in the street if I saw people talking and laughing because I assumed they must be laughing at me.
Then I had the most freeing realization… I’m not that important, the average person doesn’t care about me.
It sounds negative but it’s totally not, I realized it was my own (negative) form of main character syndrome. I thought about when I walk down the street, how often am I judging what they look like? Literally not at all because I’m too self absorbed to spend my thoughts on them… and realistically they are too, or they’re just actually living their life and again, not thinking about the stranger they walk by.
It’s a weird form of narcissism because obviously there’s low self esteem and normally you view narcissism with someone arrogant and cocky but negative self view is still all about you (or me). Once you accept you’re not that special, it’s a big relief and you can get a little bit out of your head.
The old saying applies here: “You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.”
Very rarely. The wife and I did eavesdrop on another persons first(?) date at dinner tonight though. They were very shy and the whole ordeal was sweet
If someone looks exceptionally great, potentially threatening or really unusual for whatever reason, I would likely notice the person. Outside of the potentially threatening dimension, I don’t do much judging.
Not the answer you were hoping for, but I do actually notice lots of little details about random people in public. However, this is because I am autistic, so don’t worry, the majority of people will not be paying attention to you. Also I don’t judge, I just observe tons of unimportant details for no reason whatsoever.
I’m not even conscious of your existence even if I look you dead in your eyes. barely registers.
I have high social anxiety, but high situational awareness, always.