If so, what do you think was your X factor? (E.g. good personality, very handsome, family connections, you started off making more but then her career took off, etc.)
If so, what do you think was your X factor? (E.g. good personality, very handsome, family connections, you started off making more but then her career took off, etc.)
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Very common among military officers, but that’s because it’s not really about pay. It’s about social status.
I make less than she does. We expected it, I worked to put her through college. It doesn’t affect anything.
I make less than my partner. I’m probably above average looking and I honestly think the best thing I have going for me is that I’m not an asshole. I try not judge people too hard, I try to understand where they are coming from, especially when it come to women because I know our experiences are very different. I try to pull my weight around the house especially because she does 98% of the cooking (she use to be a chef). I honestly don’t think it’s very hard: try to understand other people’s perspectives, cultivate some interests that aren’t all heavily male dominated and become interested in other people. Try to be fun and easy going rather than bitter and whiny.
Okay so first of all, this frames a date with a succesful woman as a one way audition, its not.
Women who make more money do not get flooded with options like men. If anything they seem to have a harder time finding partners because they can’t offer a lot of their time and they tend to be unrealistic about how attractive they are. My wife is a doctor and her friends seem unable to find & mantain relationships for these reasons.
I make good money rn but in a year or so hopefully my wife will make more than me. I write software. Her first job will hopefully net 300K, but she has 400K in student loans and many professional expenses. Hopefully I will make more, but I mean it isn’t great, because she’s up at 5AM and back at 8PM. Not a lot of guys want that in a partner in their 30s.
Isn’t the point that you’re a team and you share in your success and failures? At one point I made more and now she makes more, but all I care about is that we are constantly improving.
Wife is a Dr. I’m an accountant. She makes about double what I do at this point.
The first 5 years (when she was away at school school) I earned everything for living. Her parents had the actual tuition set up.
No X factor. We got together in high school. Married in 2000 she graduated in 2005.
If your “X factor” is the money in the first place, something is fucked up.
I make less. Although there isn’t any flexing on me she won’t hesitate to let me know I’m not actually needed.
My wife makes about 30-40% more than I do, and has a pension and other benefits. We met while I was working and she was still in school. I helped a bit with her living costs during her last year or so, so I call her my investment to bug her lol.
I’m fine with not being the bread winner, marriage is a team sport, not a contest between the two of us.
When my wife and I met 20 years ago, I made slightly more than she did. But then she (thankfully) continued to get yearly raises at work while mine stopped and my pay was flat for years, then my pay was cut by my employer and eventually I was laid off when they closed the location where I worked.
This happened just before my wife gave birth to our youngest child, and we made the choice together that I’d become a stay at home dad. At first, it was supposed to be temporary, but life threw us a few curve balls, including Covid, and here we are years later with my kids bigger and not needing me at home, but issues with health insurance preventing me from jumping back into the workforce. Thankfully, my wife makes good money and likes the fact that I do 90% of the chores and yardwork as well as being the for everything the kids need.
My wife made more than I did when we got together. I make more now. She may make more later.
We enjoy who each other are. Pretty simple.
My wife and make roughly the same now but for most of our 23 years of marriage she earned more. Sometimes significantly more. It was never an issue. I would never want to be married to someone who viewed me as a walking ATM
I’m merely a house elf, so all women are technically more “successful” than me.
I make less than my wife and I better be because she’s the one with the Masters degree. I don’t make peanuts, but she definitely makes a bit more than I do. She married me for my looks and personality.
My wife makes 2 times what make, better benefits, great pension, and she has several degrees in education.
Y’all got wives?
Making more or less money means nothing. Success is a subjective term and shouldn’t matter in a marriage of love. I don’t understand why people still think in these terms. Do you love each other? Do you treat your marriage as a partnership? Do you raise good children?
To real adults, your question is irrelevant.
I still make more but within the next two years my wife will have the ability to make way more than me, honestly looking forward to it so I don’t have to work overtime ever again.
My wife and I make about the same, but I would not care one bit if she made more than me. I only care about our bills being paid, food on the table, and money being put back. We’re a team, we aren’t competing against each other.
for the first few years, I was making more than my wife, but then she caught up, and surpassed me, as we always knew she would. a few years ago I switched careers and took a pay cut, so she now makes nearly double what I do.
as for “X factor”? my income wasn’t what brought us together, our common interests brought us together, and our common philosophies towards life kept us together (and those include fiscal responsibility).
neither one of us financially provides for the other. we contribute equally to all household expenses, and use our leftover money however we want (including saving and investing for the future).
I’m a librarian so any job my wife has she’ll make more than me.
Started dating my wife right before she started med school. 13 years later she just started making more than me this year as an attending.
I have a big dick. Also, nicknamed the X factor.
I’m currently single but have been in relationships/marriage where the woman made less than me as well as where the woman made more than me. Didn’t really see a difference. For a while I dated a woman with “old money” (generations of wealth) and where money never was an issue for her. Even though I make more than I need, keeping up with that lifestyle wasn’t easy. Ultimately it was what broke the relationship
Some years I make more some years I make less, I don’t attribute the word “Success” to making either more or less $$ than her.
I make much less. Wife makes around $130k and I currently make about $10k net profit from my new business. Back when she was making around $90k I was making about $50k, but I decided to become a financial advisor and with life and everything it’s taken longer to build the business than I had hoped. I’ve got a few prospects that I’m hoping can double my net profit, and I’m thinking of taking a job with the city as their finance manager that will pay $70k so we can work on paying off some debt.
Never married but of my long-term dating relationships I always made less. One was the CFO of a moderate sized regional restaurant chain, the other an exec at an insurance company. I do dog rescue, write for music magazines, book concerts, flip thrift store finds, and do private dog training/boarding. But I’ve also dated a lawyer, a veterinarian, and an anthropologist working on her doctorate.
I’ve never married because I’ve always made it clear from the get go I’m casual-ish. I live simple and don’t leech. I’m passionate about my endeavors (caring for dogs is something I know is an attractive feature), I have a decent sense of humor, and am reasonably attractive in a conventional sense (43, good build, look under 40). If I had to guess, my success in dating women who make more than I do comes from being fairly emotionally mature, successful in my endeavors even if they don’t make bank, driven by actualized accomplishments rather than trappings of success/wealth, and I don’t treat them like a big score.
Flaws- used to be a bad drunk, over-extend myself with commitments (especially with the rescue), night-owl, a little too casual at times. But I’m still friends with every ex from my adult life.
I wish she made more than me. It would take a whole lot of stress off my shoulders and open opportunities to pursue a new career…not being locked into this job cause it pays for the roof over our heads. I’ve suggested several times to her to take some time and find a new job or career since she has the opportunity.
My wife is 5 years younger than me and cashflows maybe 15% less than me. For her age, she always outpaced what I was making at the same age. So to me, she technically makes more than me since her lifetime earnings are potentially already ahead by age. I have equity in a couple companies so this may change if anything “hits”.
Anyways, team sport and all that. We share finances and use terms of “our money” and “our investments” given that my career track can earn me equity in startups but the returns are ours.
My wife and I met when we were both in the low-wage nonprofit sector. She left and got a private sector marketing job. I stayed and got laid off a couple years ago, and now do occasional one-off projects but am mostly a homemaker. I’m pretty good looking, take care of my body, do the vast majority of domestic labor, am civically active on issues we both care about, and make sure she cums first. She’s happy, I feel like a good husband, and I’m unbothered with anyone else’s opinion.
Mine makes more. I would say she has a better “sticking with it attitude” than I do. We both have advanced degrees, but I am quicker to say fuck off to a job when she seems better at staying course. Because of this she advanced in one organization. Me, I bounce around.
Started off very close and she’s moved into a higher management position. I work in the trades and have no desire to get into the managing side so she’ll always make more then me
First decade she was more successful, 2nd decade about even , 3rd decade I make a lot more and she decided to retire and keep me working.
Hilarious when guys get caught up on this.
It’s literally never come up as an issue.
I make more money, but she is more successful in her chosen field.
I’m just in a field that pays really well for what’s otherwise comparatively lower skilled work.
Neither of us had these jobs when we met 16 years ago.
We just get on with managing our household and raising our kids, and making sure there’s money and time for whatever it is they need.
Not once has anyone complained that I make more, work double the hours, that she has a better title or anything meaningless like that.
If you are concerned about that then you will struggle to be happy
My x factor is the fact she does not place a person’s value on the money they make or how advanced they are in their career. My x factor is she is an awesome human that genuinely loves people
Me – school teacher. Her – MD. My behavior and personality did the job.
I’m a teacher. I don’t make significantly less than my wife at this point but the ceiling for my salary is a lot lower than the potential ceiling for her’s in the corporate world. Not sure I have an X factor. We got together in college before either of us had any wealth. She thought I was funny, kind, and attractive. I felt the same way about her.
I have at times over the 12 years we’ve been together. I currently earn more and have the bigger long term earnings potential though.
Not sure there was any X factor other than whatever attracted her to me in the first place. Some of you men are over thinking this. We’re a partnership, it wouldn’t matter if she earned more long term.
X factor: we love each other because of who we both are as people
Did at one point earn the same, and I wasn’t particularly enjoying my job so I became primary caregiver for our baby from 6 months. I never regretted doing that but eventually I got a job that earnt 50% more so roles got reversed
My wife makes more than I do by a little bit which is fine. If I do side work or get OT I will make more though. Her work is commission based (dog grooming) and has been doing it for over fifteen years so she can make a ton of money a day thanks to being good at it.
When she was starting out I was doing the financial lifting so it’s paid off.
She makes more than me by about $8k but carries the health insurance. So it’s a wash.
But I guess my x-factor was just being myself, and owning who I am. We’re compatible on looks but she’s insanely smart, but I’m curious about the world and nudged her out of a comfort zone. It worked.
I support him when i have more, he supports me when he has more. We’re a team
I hope one day to have a wife who makes more than me.
I have a lot in the bank so it evens out in the end.
I process insurance claims for $53k a year, and she is in the first year of her emergency medicine residency.
I think that answers your question. Lol it doesnt really affect anything in our relationship dynamic. She knows someday I’m shooting for that SAHD life.
This was true a while back because she worked in a NYC investment firm and they throw money at people regardless of role. I worked [at home] for a publicly traded global company who threatened layoffs every quarter. Their raises were laughable. I think 1 year of raises for my wife covered over 10 for me. Now she is more local and no stress and I’ve made more than either of us ever had because I’ve jumped 2 jobs since.
Either way, we have our own savings and we both pay into a joint account for bills. We don’t really focus on financials much.
Right now I’m at an early stage startup, most of my comp is tied to the company exiting properly, until then I’m getting a cash comp that’s a small fraction of what she makes or what I used to make.
If we exit at targeted exit value, which is a value I’ve taken multiple companies to before (but in less senior roles), I will be able to retire immediately.
I made less. She made 4 or 5x my salary. I lost my job so she makes way more now since x of zero is zero so that’s not how it works.
Even when I had a job I did most of the grocery shopping and I’m the primary parent w the kids save for doctor appointments.
I make less than my wife. I knew this coming in. We met in college and we were both broke so likely wasn’t a requirement (at least on her end at the time).
May be anecdotal but a lot of my wife’s coworkers have husbands that do not make as much. It almost seems like they make so much money they don’t need to go for someone who makes enough to provide for them; they can provide for themselves.
It has varied throughout our marriage. Some years, she made more, other years I did. I will say that the big difference is that she works a 35-40 hour work week, and until recently, I worked a 55-70 hour work week. Yes, I made more than her, but her value per hour was higher than mine.
I quit my job and am now a stay at home husband
I feel like you need a pretty big difference to be in trophy husband status. Otherwise, it is just two people, both working, earning different amounts.
My wife doesn’t seem to care how much i earn as long as it’s enough. I care a lot more because I like to match household contributions, pay for my own things, and buy her stuff, too. So it’s ideal if i make 50% more than her, but i generally don’t when she’s working.
My wife is a lawyer and I work in corrections. There isn’t really an X factor. I am more than a walking wallet.
I make half of what she does, but my salary is decreased by all the benefits I have (I pay our family health insurance nearly 5 figures annually).
I get by by being decently attractive, and very funny and very loving and supportive
I made more than my wife at first
She makes more now due to changing in jobs
I’m getting into a trade now so it’ll be a while but eventually I’ll make more than her again
All this talk about 50/50 and what women won’t do in a relationship is just internet talk
Iv never dated a woman who cared about my money. Now full disclosure Iv never been broke as an adult but Iv never been a top earner either
My experience was totally unexpected. I had a slow rise in the ranks and was making about twice what she was. She was slowly working through ranks. Covid hit and her industry had a HUGE opportunity. Everyone on her level stayed at home and they didn’t jump at the opportunity. She jumped in, made her company many millions and suddenly she’s lifted into the C-level. Now she makes almost 3 times what I do. I’m super proud of how hard she worked during that time but in also seeing the right opportunity at the right time.
We had a little bit of an adjustment in relationship. She started treating me like one of the kids (or the help). I had a hard talk to remind her that we’re equals in the relationship, and if we’re not it’s a problem. We’re in good shape now.
I’ve had about 10 years of making significantly more than her. There are no promotions in my field, there are in hers. Now she makes a bit more than I do.
I’m a full time student, active father, I work 3 part time jobs, her job is a family business that she only has to work part time at, and I am above average between looks and s*x.
Otherwise known as we were both fortunate in different ways, and neither of us takes our advantages for granted.
She was always more successful than I was.
I have got a pretty good job but have made about half as much as my wife for a year or two now. We’re both headed to the unemployment line now thanks to the Trump admin though.
Notably we met before either of us was making tons of money. Stuck together out of respect and love for one another. One of the things we appreciate about each other is smarts and politics.
Me. Truthfully, I’ve never understood it.
I feel like a tax, the insecurity can get that bad sometimes.
I am now. For years I made 2X her salary. Now that I’m unemployed (hopefully not forever) I can feel the resentment from her about it.
I didn’t become a controlling weirdo when my wife displayed the fact that she was competent and willing to work a job that paid at a higher ceiling than mine. I supported and encouraged her, and picked up the parts of our relationship that she couldn’t. When times were difficult, I sacrificed my personal career progression to help her (if we had moved country, I could’ve earned big bucks, but she wouldn’t have been able to work – and probably wouldn’t need to have worked).
When other men get weird about it to me, which only really happens online, inferring that I’m somehow less than for earning less than my wife, I am bolstered by the fact that I still earn more than most men, and likely more than the loser trying to knock me down. They think earning equates to authority, and, because I earn more than them, they should think themselves inferior to me, by their own logic, which really ties them in a funny knot.
How much you make, after a point, is not important. If you work to make your life, and relationship work for your mutual benefit, it doesn’t matter who makes more. If both people are sacrificing life for money, what’s the point of living at all?
I’m not currently but earlier today was in a serious relationship with a woman who made way more than me. Was Ivy League educated. Had money from her grandparents and was the daughter of a successful surgeon.
I’m a cook. I’m pretty good and now I make probably more than that old girlfriend
It was somewhat of an issue though. She was older than me and had her successful medical illustration business. I was just starting to move up as a chef. She never held it over me but I guess the male ego part of me was uncomfortable with our different situations
I’ve been trying to get my wife to work for years 🤦♂️
I wish… if I made the same and my wife made more we would be sitting REAL good
I make less than half of what my wife earns, and my salary is still pretty high. She earns a ton.
My wife makes way more than me but she’s been a Fed for over 25 years. At least so far, she’s avoided any eliminations in the purges that are going on.
It’s not even that I don’t make much, I do pretty well. My family is a pack of jackasses and I’m basically the pick of the bunch. No family money. We just love each other, and we’re going on 13 years this year overall.
I mean, I don’t think your salary is really equivalent to your success.
My work is very boom/bust. When I’m working I get paid very well.
My wife’s work is steady, with benefits, and keeps us going.
She currently makes more than I do, bc my work is slow. Often, the situation is reversed.
But who really cares who makes more money?
The X factor is that despite what Reddit thinks, most women are not gold diggers. Just like men, they like physically attractive partners who are good in bed and fun to be around.
I’ve made about $20k/yr more for the last couple years but, if everything goes as expected, she’ll leapfrog me by about $10k/yr this summer.
Doesn’t matter to me and am actually surprised I’m in the position I am. She has a masters and I just have a couple associates so we figured she’d make considerably more all along.
Hope it works out because we’ll have gone from $85kish combined when we got married in 19 to $170kish combined.
My gf has been promoted more times then I have. And under challenging conditions. Working as a single mom. Her work also positively effects far more people than mine. I am fully ready to argue that she has been more successful than I have. I just earn more
We understand that we’re a team and some things can’t be bought with money.
Have a migraine? The chores are kept up and balanced. Something to save for? We chat it out. We’re on such a common wavelength that its unusual to have pushback from the other of there’s something fun to buy. If there is we gauge passion, responsibility, and contexts well before. If its major, we talk. Little things are ok.
It’s all about how you spin it. I tell my wife I’m a real feminist ally and deliberately earn 30% less than her to help fix the gender pay gap.
Gross paycheck she beats me. Total compensation I crush her.
My wife has 3 graduate degrees (one from Harvard)
I’m a college dropout
I was a great boyfriend though. And an even better husband. We’re great at communicating, we fully support each other. And we both give 100%
My X factor is just being a good well rounded person.
I made more than my wife for 16 years and in year 17 she made more money than I did and we got divorced the next year
Much less, she’s an OF model but we’ve never actually met in person,I sent her $5,000 for the marriage certificate and she said the court increased the price so I sent her another $10,000, still waiting to hear back.
Pretty sure I’m just texting with an AI bot or a fake chat service, but I know she makes a lot more than me.
I was for a while, and now we are basically equal in pay. She makes $6K a year more. I didn’t mind though, love my sugar momma.
I made half what my ex did. I’m not particularly good looking, but I’m supportive, emotionally intelligent, and I could talk to her about stuff she was interested in. I also treated her like a human being, and she outright told me she noticed that I never made casual sexist comments like literally every other man she’d ever met. Didn’t hurt that once we were living together, I took care of 80% of the housework and 90% of the cooking.
(She’s my ex because severe mental illness is a bitch that love can’t always overcome)
We haven’t talked about money, but I suspect the woman I’m seeing now makes more than I do. She’s a project manager in the private sector, I’m a university researcher. I know that she likes that I plan stuff out so she doesn’t have to make decisions after hours and that I have interesting things to say about stuff she cares about.
When we met I made very little, and she made even less. But by jove, did we click. Now, I make twice what I used to. She makes at least 4 times what I did. She says I can quit my job and be trophy husband, and that if my employer ever disrespects me I’m welcome to dramatically resign, just for the spectacle of it. I do love my job though, but it does make me cockier than I ought to be.
As for an “X factor,” I dunno? Maybe I lay good pipe? Regardless, I should finish the dishes and laundry soon!
There was about a decade where she earned more. Now I do. It’s never been an issue.
Most of my girlfriends have made more than me. What can I say, I attract smart and driven women. I’ve always been a better cook and could beat them in arm wrestling so it evened out.
I make less. When we started dating I made a little more. She lived 1.5-2 hours away, but the plan was for her to move down with me. Right as she got ready to move in with me two things happened. She got laid off, and she got into a very prestigious masters program in her hometown.
For the next 2 years she moved back in with her parents and I went to her most weekends and paid for all of our dates since her employment was marginal. She jokingly referred to me as her “Splenda Daddy.” She finished her masters, very easily got a job near me, and now makes about 75% more than me.
My wife makes more than I could so I am a stay at home dad.
I would just like one long-term partner to keep a fucking job the entire relationship…. What’s this “earn more” thing?
I’m earning more than $300k per year (salary + passive income) but even if I save for the next 10 years I won’t be able to reach my wife’s net worth.
I wouldn’t say there were any X factor involved, it was more that none of us were concerned about money when we first got together. I found her pretty and attractive, and she liked my figure and looks. We both didn’t plan to be together for long, but suprisingly our personality matched really well. After being together for 2 years I brought up the idea of marriage. She agreed but only on the condition that we sign a prenup. It was only then that I found out how much money she had.
I make more than my wife because she sacrificed her professional career for over 10 years raising our children. If she had kept working, I fully expect she would be making more than me however I respect and love her for her sacrifice. If she had wanted me to stop working instead, I would have and hopefully she would have felt the same about me.
We’ve just known each otherndorever. We met in 4th grade, been dating since freshman year of college, & married for over 16 years now.
For a long time, I made more. Now she makes more, but we’re almost even with my VA money. My job has better healthcare/pension, which I’d consider a decent trade for a little less money.
We share everything, despite always having separate banking accounts.
And I know (for myself at least), either of us could make significantly more than the other & it wouldn’t matter to me.
I’m a stay at home dad. So I’d say I’m about as good a candidate as there possibly is lol.
My wife makes quite a bit more money than I do. I don’t think she really thinks about it all that much tbh. We are comfortably financially.
She makes quite a bit more than I do. I work with my hands in a more creative field and shes in the corporate world. No X-factor, I just proved to her that I work way harder than she does.
I currently make less than my wife, but that will very likely change in the next year or so as our new CFO takes over and pays our department market rate.
As for X Factor? I legitimately have no clue. I am ND as hell and I barely understand human when I wear my human suit.
We met in college so we were both basically worth nothing.
I currently make more than her but that’s only because she works 15 hours a week and is home with our kids while I’m at work.
When our kids are teens and don’t need us as much, she’ll easily surpass me in income – probably doubling when she goes full. I’m looking forward to it! More money will be great.
She probably could do it now and I stay home with them but this works for us right now and my job brings in the health insurance. Maybe in another couple years.
My girl makes 150k I make 115k. She getting ready to make 85k in a different job. We just combine our money anyway.
I don’t make less than she does now but she’ll make more than me from next year (she’s an MD, I’m a Dentist).
I don’t think it matters at all. She has several friends who also make good money who are single. You would be SHOCKED at the amount of men who dip once they realize they make more money than them. I don’t get it.
I take care of the house and kids. I don’t work anymore because she was making 6-7-8x my salary and it became more beneficial for us as a family for me to start taking things off her plate at home.
It’s a good life if you can get it.
I make more than my husband by a considerable amount–always did and probably always will. He is a kinder, more social person than I am. He’s more emotionally intelligent than I am and has helped me understand and process my own emotions. He inspired me to pursue my passion (which just happens to pay more than his) because he pursues his and really finds meaning in his work. Watching him do that made me want to do that! He’s also definitely the funny one in our coupling.
I have a lot of grit and resilience but he likes to remind me, “We don’t have to live this way,” or “Have we tried solving this problem another way?” instead of my gritting my teeth and continuing to run into the wall on something. I’m not only a better person because of him, but I live a more comfortable life because he reminds me to lol.
And when COVID hit, we’d just started dating. He was in danger of losing his job and I asked what he thought he’d do if that happened. He immediately replied, “I mean, if nothing else works out, work at a grocery store.” That work ethic–that he’d never just lay around and “wait” for an opportunity–helped cement the deal.
She has her own very successful business which allowed me to quit my office job, work part time as a teacher’s assistant, and finish up my teaching certification. When I’m not working I’m helping her.
She makes twice as much as me. I’m in construction management, and I make really good money. She’s in software, and that’s ridiculous money. She grew up on a farm in rural Canada. So she has to be with a rugged type of guy. That’s me. She wouldn’t be able to be with a guy who wasn’t handy around the house, or able to do manual labor. Even though we can afford to pay someone, I still do it. It’s just how I grew up.
My wife’s employment has been far far more stable than mine. I have had a really difficult time over the last 8 years or so finding a job that I can actually stick with.
My wife has a more impressive career title than I do and has far more education, but we make about the same money. She started out making considerably more than me and has gradually risen up with raises. I was making less than her as I was still getting my shit together when we met. Over the years I’ve been promoted a couple times to the same tax bracket.
In the beginning she was never bothered by me making less money and I was never bothered by her making more. I was only bothered that I wasn’t making the money I wanted to.
Several years and promotions later, she left her job and took two years off to stay home with our child and I was the sole breadwinner.
Money isn’t an issue unless you covet it. I want money to provide a comfortable life for my family. I don’t want money to have more money.
I’ve been on both sides of this, out-earning and out-earned, never made a difference and neither of us cared.
We have been married the same amount of time it’s a tie..
We have different careers. For a while, I was making more money. At some point she passed me by. It doesn’t matter. It isn’t a competition.
After she got a promotion she turned into a nightmare. It rarely works if the guy makes less
I used to make less, now I make more. Who makes more is meaningless in our relationship, it’s always been ‘our’ money. We’re just trying to raise a family and have a good life.
Yes.
But I’m a nice person and fit the difficult-to-find criteria of childree + Christian. Neither of us put all that much weight on income as a measure for success.
Team, no separate bank accounts or money. Decisions have been family based and even in hindsight, wise.
Her field is more specialized, I’m a generalist, so when the dot-com boom popped, I took the safe, life balance job to raise the kids while she continued to travel and grow her career in her specialized field. She makes six figures more than me, but I’m not complaining about all the memories I’ve created in cub scouts, bsa, sports coach, etc with the kids while doing my much less stressful dead end job.
I worked on several successful startups and was a CIO in my 30s when the dot-com boom busted, I feel like I could have had a hit (IPO) or two by now if I’d stayed on that track, but no regrets.
After 25 years in the military I retired. I worked a year as a civvie but for a variety of reasons we decided my pension and her income (which is more than double my pension) would be enough and it would be better for us if I became a stay at home dad.
I have no idea what x factor is. Nor do I care. We’re a team and this opportunity presented itself. I run the house like a well oiled machine, keep us on budget, drive the kids to their practices & appointments, make those appointments, do all meal planning and shopping, etc…
It’s taken a ton of pressure off her. There’s been noticeable improvements in the kids school work. My health has improved and I get a break after a pretty gruelling career. I’m damn good at this. And she’s equally good at what she does. She doesn’t need me to live up to some Instagram influencer idealized persona.
Every few years the dynamic changes and either I’m making more or my wife is.
My gf just became a licensed massage therapist and has a 100% va rating from the military. She makes about 1000 more than me a month. We don’t share finances outside of her paying me for around half of the bills. We live like lower middle class with decent cars. Money doesn’t ever really come up unless we are paying for dinner and then it’s just whoever grabs the check first.
Edit: just read the rest of your question. We started dating when her life was a hot mess. I made substantially more than her at the time. She’s just been able to slowly un screw her credit from her ex and go to school.
When I was living in Mexico, I was dating a doctor (woman), and even adjusting for national development and GDP, she was much more educated and financially successful than I am. And basically, the fact that I am not at all bothered by those kinds of things was what drew her to me – lots of men in Mexico have even stronger male fragility and machismo that makes dating as a successful woman in Mexico a bit tiresome.
Now here is the flip side – and it’s a bit of a nature vs. nurture philosophical argument. I will not purport to speak about all women or even all successful women, just my experience with a handful of women I’ve dated/been out with and a couple of threads like this one. I view your achievements as outcomes of being the person I am attracted to, which means I don’t care about status but it cuts both ways, I’m not impressed by your achievements or status either. And I can appreciate the alternate perspective, that you should be proud of your partner’s achievements or success – but when it comes to career advancement, it just doesn’t play a big role in what I value in a partner.
And yes, I think successful people say they want a partner who isn’t threatened by their success, but really they want to be actively celebrated for it. I’m all for celebrating a momentous occasion but I’m not attracted to your education, or your success, or your achievements – I just don’t really care about what you did or didn’t accomplish (other than obviously I am not a cold feelingless monster, of course we can celebrate achievements in the moment, they just don’t change my opinion of somebody).
I think you should be open to the idea that people who aren’t threatened by success are often not attracted to it either.