Forgetting that whole “equal rights equal fights” thing, do you care when your gf/wife hits you? Last night I was at my mom’s house and me and my husband started rough-housing outside because its just how we have fun, usually I’ll shove him and he’ll pick me up and toss me around and just generally wrestling (we’re childish 20 year olds) and my sister asked my husband if he was ok with me hitting him like that. He said yeah because my punches couldn’t hurt him even if I wanted them to but then she said nobody in healthy relationships should put their hands on each other for any reason, and that me hitting him was super bad. Made me feel sad and me and husband had a talk about it when we got home and he really doesn’t mind so do YOU guys think it’s wrong? Is this like a universal thing where couples don’t rough-house??
How much roughhousing do you feel is normal in a relationship?
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Forgetting that whole “equal rights equal fights” thing, do you care when your gf/wife hits you? Last night I was at my mom’s house and me and my husband started rough-housing outside because its just how we have fun, usually I’ll shove him and he’ll pick me up and toss me around and just generally wrestling (we’re childish 20 year olds) and my sister asked my husband if he was ok with me hitting him like that. He said yeah because my punches couldn’t hurt him even if I wanted them to but then she said nobody in healthy relationships should put their hands on each other for any reason, and that me hitting him was super bad. Made me feel sad and me and husband had a talk about it when we got home and he really doesn’t mind so do YOU guys think it’s wrong? Is this like a universal thing where couples don’t rough-house??
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Roughhousing is wrestling, not punching.
As long as it’s literally just play and everyone has consented to what’s happening, who cares? Love play wrasslin
Women hitting men in any other circumstances is just as wrong as men hitting women.
Ask your sister how she would know what a healthy relationship is?
I’m an adult and I wouldn’t hit anyone. Even playfully.
Its not cool with me, but I don’t like to play fight. I don’t think its a good habit to get into.
Consenting adults should be able to do what they want, though.
If you are both into martial arts, or met in a class, hypothetically, you wouldn’t be allowed to spar anymore? Its fine as long as you have no malice behind it. You’re sister’s just being a wussy.
sounds like your sister needs a lesson in what context means.
FWIW, if you’re roughhousing and having fun, to me that’s a sign of a healthy relationship.
It’s all about the intention behind it. My ex used to rough house but she did it to humiliate me in front of friends and family, “look what I can get away with” thing.
You clearly are having fun together so it’s perfectly normal for you to do it.
It is called consent. if I say something was too much she needs to listen. Otherwise, come at me, sounds fun.
My gf threw something at me in frustration once and it was made perfectly clear that the next time she does that, she’s taking a ride. Hasn’t been an issue since.
I wish my wife did stuff like this with me more often. Anyone who judges you for being best friends is just a hater.
Dont think it’s unhealthy at all, admittedly an ex I had that wrestling went on it was normally a bit more amorous at least in conclusion, admittedly she did join the army and more of a tomboy then girly girl so yeah.
Honestly probably more healthy than unhealthy shows respect and trust as you know eachothers strengths but trust the other to not go beyond boundaries.
Right before it becomes domestic violence.
It’s playful and if you both don’t mind then there’s nothing wrong with it. Now in a situation where things are heated and both are putting their hands on one another then that’s not ok.
If there’s consent then its completely different. Its like telling two boxers to stop fighting because violence solves nothing. Wrong place, wrong time.
as long as you are communicating you’re relationship with each other, then why does it matter how you show love to one another?
There is no problem as long as it is for play only and NOT to release a hidden frustration with your partner.
The emotional scene needs to be clear.
From a relationship perspective, if it’s truly fun and consensual between you two, I don’t think it’s necessarily bad. From a “how could this go wrong” perspective I have always declined (as a dude) when my partner wanted to wrestle aggressively because I knew I was one crocodile tear telephone call to the police away from a DV charge. F that.
I notice you didn’t mention your sister’s husband. Is this because she’s:
As a martial artist I find nothing wrong with genuinely good hearted rough housing.
Fun as fuck. Don’t let it get to actual slams and punches and it’s a lot of fun and can help build trust in your partner on both ends.
There’s a different between hitting each other and playing around. No one should be hitting their SO but playful fighting isn’t the same as hitting them. As guys we grew up fighting with friends for fun, that could end u0 getting hurt but, we weren’t hitting out of anger so it wasn’t the same as bullying each other.
There is nothing wrong with two people who both consent to roughhousing. If you both wanted to get in a ring and box each other there would be nothing wrong with that either. The problem is when it is not “mutual combat.”
Your sister’s perspective honestly damages actual domestic violence by defining things that are not domestic violence as it. There is a huge difference between play fighting and abusing your spouse.
Well I’m the one on my family line trying to break the cycle so one of the few rules I actually have in my marriage and family is nobody puts hands on each other in anger, ever. Play wrestling is different but if it’s in anger or frustration, absolutely not. No, not at all.
Wrestling is one thing. Slapping one another’s butts is another thing.
Actually hitting one another? Oh boy, that’s just sheer nope.
Everyone’s different. I mean I knew a couple where the wife considered the hypothetical getting tickled by her husband as “grounds for divorce” (her words). Meanwhile my wife and I get into tickle fights and I lose every time. As long as you both are truly ok with what’s going on, I guess what you do for “fun”, it’s not a big deal.
How is this not healthy? Enjoy rlyour relationship!
My wife and I train mma and jiu jitsu together, and for a while, were training for pro fights. We sparred at about 80-90% intensity and yes, her punches, kicks, and joint locks hurt. A lot.
So no, it’s not wrong. Recreational, consensual violence can be an incredibly powerful bonding agent because it requires a great deal of trust. And, honestly, the intensity often leads to a lot of really hot sex.
We DID, however, get a lot of concerned looks from onlookers when we were sparring in public parks. Ground and pound looks pretty bad outside the context of a gym.
Let me put it to you this way.
I saw a clip in a video the other day of a husband telling his wife to plug in a power cable as they were trying to charge a car battery. She’s clearly hesitant and when she finally does he fakes getting shocked. When he reveals he’s fine she gives him a quick whack hitting him in the groin as he drops. After a brief laugh she moves over to check on him and he grabs her to the ground beginning to wrestle and tickle leading to laughs.
To me that kind of thing shows me a level of happiness that only really comes from a relationship. If you’re in a similar situation keep doing it as long as it’s something you’re both comfortable with. We spend to much time worrying what other people think that it prevents us from doing what makes us happy.
Really depends, especially the reason. What you guys did, is consensual fun. That’s alright.
My ex couldn’t hurt me either. I still hated it when she smacked me when she was annoyed. It’s disrespectful and intended to hurt, that’s enough to be unacceptable.
We play-wrestle. And then there are the struggle snuggles of course.
No big deal as long as it’s all consensual and fun.
No hitting, no striking, no punching, hard no to play fights.
“Wrestling” is foreplay if she is into it. Tone is important.
I get very upset if I get hit by my SO. Responses have varied but I usually just leave. I had a “petty revenge” moment in one instance and made a huge scene in public when my ex slapped me in front of her girlfriends. Happy to embarrass us both!
Every relationship manages their ohysicality differently, but there’s a matter of private/public display Example: maybe i just did a project around house/yard for her/us…she comes to take a look before I put everything away…she says looks great babe and gives me a friendly swat on the ass and smiles as she walks away. That’s motivating as hell as a man and I’m almost 60yo. Still fires me up!
Playful roughhousing is fun when both are fine with it, but I rather not make it a thing we do. Women seem to bruise and get hurt easier and I rather not have to explain to someone “I swear I didn’t mean to give her a black eye, we were just playing!”
If you’re both having fun, run with it.
If you both think its a laugh then disregard anyone else’s opinion. Me and my GF spar with boxing gloves in the house messing around and I let her fully try and bash me up
Consent is the name of the game. My wife and I definitely roughhouse a bit. We love to play fight together. Even with that we are careful not to do too much to where we hurt the other. She may use 70% of her strength, I may use only 25% of mine.
This is something we for the most part probably keep in between closed doors. Don’t care to have others judging us like your sister did.
As long as you’re not hurting each other. He says he can’t hurt you but trust me almost all women can give a good shot to the face
Me amd my woman roughhouse all the time. We don’t hurt each other, that’s the main point, it happens sometimes but ita between us, everyone else can flip. We don’t care what you all think.
Its fine, but not really in public. As you can see, people can and will construe it incorrectly. Guys like roughhousing, its how we play, and its nice to have partner into it. It plays into physical touch being alot men’s love language.
But just be aware of you do it in front off. He may give you a playful smack in public, and someone might sucker punch him thinking he is abusive to you, not knowing the context.
Good consensual roughhousing is healthy for a couple. Its our society that’s not healthy. Just be aware of it in public spaces, that’s all.
Nobody has the right to tell you what’s “okay” in your relationship except you and your hubby. 💁♂️ You’re okay with it, he’s okay with it, there IS no problem.
Let your sister’s and all opinions you read here (mine included lol) be exactly that – the opinions of others, which should have zero bearing on what makes you and hubby happy in your relationship. 💖
Your sister spends too much time on the internet and is destined to have a lot of trouble in her relationships. You and your husband are fine. Your sister is the one who can’t tell the difference between play and abuse.
If both spouses like it, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Some people are just more physical than others. I’m sure if my wife was an MMA fighter, there would be all kinds of play fighting or whatever. Because that would be the way she’s wired. Other people are more cerebral, and don’t enjoy mixing it up. That’s fine, too.
The idea that you couldn’t hurt him even if you wanted to is definitely nonsense. Even a child is strong enough to break noses or gouge eyes etc.
That said whether play fighting is ok really just depends on consent. If it is something you both enjoy that is fine even if there is some risk of injury. Lots of people enjoy combat sports. This is not the same as trying to hurt someone because you are angry at them. That is what you shouldn’t be doing.
Consent is ALWAYS more important than what everyone else thinks.
Is your husband okay with how you rough house him? Then it’s okay. Are you okay with how your husband roughhouses you?? Then it’s okay.
And if it goes too far, and one of you realizes “yea, that was too much for me”?? Then you have the discussion beyond that. And (hopefully) you both respect each other’s limits.
I think your sister’s concern is well founded, but her stance that any play fighting is bad is small minded. Couples touch eachother all the time, that’s one of the benefits of a deep relationship, and whether it’s purely amorous or more competitive is up to their dynamic.
As long as you never feel endangered during your “fights”, have at it! And if you can throw your man off Hell in a Cell, plummetting 16ft through the announcer’s table, all the power to you.
My fiance (30F) and I (31M) are the same, always “scrapped” as we call it. About 3 years in we were having a lil scrap and her head had hanging off the bed as she’d lay down with her feet on the pillows.
I, having ADHD and no critical thinking skills, proceeded to sit on her head at full pace like I was dropping into an office chair. 3 months later her neck was still fucked, hospital said she narrowly escaped being paralyzed for life.
We go a little easier now and have a “curfew” of 10pm 🙂 it’s all in good fun, as long as you both know it’s playful and overstepping that boundary is immediately apologized for and reconsiled you’re good to go.
I dated an abusive woman for a couple of years, so I don’t like any sort of roughhousing unless there’s appropriate context and consent for it.
It sounds like you two have a unique situation going, and so long as you’re both on board it’s fine. There is a line where play-fighting turns into abuse however, so be mindful of that. The moment either of you says “stop” and the other person continues, it’s no longer playful and starts crossing into the territory of abuse.
Communicate clearly and make sure there’s consent.
So all I’m going to say is could your sister be projecting here and looking for help?
You missed an opportunity to talk about consent. Your sister sounds younger from your comments and it may be something she is very confused about because people don’t talk about it, just assume that everyone figures it out automatically like humans aren’t born almost completely defenceless and ignorant to almost all of their needs to survive…
As for roughhousing, to each their own, but it would be wise to monitor who your audience is, as they have as much right to not be exposed to your “violence” as you have to do it. What is roughhousing to you might be innocent, but don’t expect everyone to automatically know that and not say anything.
My ex gf and I were like that but then she began to cross the line. I was still bigger and stronger etc, but was taken aback. I didn’t want to fight back at the same level because I didn’t know where it would lead, so not cool.
That was when I wanted to stop playfighting. In retrospect maybe that was her expressing problems she felt in her life and/or our relationship. Anyway, not long afterwards we broke up. In the future I don’t know how much roughhousing I’d want, I guess it depends! It can get dangerous and maybe mask what should be talked about.
Playing is one thing, and as long as you both agree, carry on.
But if the hitting is not in play, that’s a big red flag.
My gf hits me and I hit her back lightly in a playful manner. We roughhouse and it’s fun. It’s all dependent on the relationship. Some people don’t even like playful banter. Personally I don’t think it’s a bad thing as long as no one is getting hurt and both people consent to it.
You’re children and you’re married, I’m sure it’s normal for people your age to play fight
Seems perfectly normal to me because there is consent and it’s clearly playing. It’s different if it becomes an expression of emotion
It’s one thing doing it playfully like how it sounds you guys are doing. It’s another to do it when you’re angry and it’s done maliciously.
It sounds like you’re doing it for fun, not out of anger. Besides, he’s giving it back the same way
When it’s consensual it’s normal. Me and my coworkers would constantly get into “fights” that were all in good fun that mainly had shadowboxing and the occasional game of whack-fuck
I wrestle with my wife all the time. But I made it a point early on in the relationship to have playful hitting off limits. Not because her hits hurt but because I’m terrified of fighter’s reflex.
IMO, if both people are on board with it, and will stop if the other ever communicates that they aren’t on board with it, then it’s generally fine.
I doubt I’d want to be in a relationship where either my partner or I hits the other, but I’m not stupid enough to think my opinion is universal. If you’re on board with it, he’s on board with it, and neither of you is getting seriously hurt, what right does anyone else have to tell you how your relationship should be?
If your husband wants to play rough and you like to play rough what harm is there?
I do it carefully to teach my wife how to inflict damage in different positions when in a disadvantage.
It depends. Is the last scoop of vanilla ice cream, or the last pack of gummy bears involved, or not? In the former case, I’d be willing to tackle my grandma on anything but solid concrete, if not, then I won’t be the one to initiate with anyone, but I’ll play along.
I dont partake in any. Its a dangerous game that starts fun but could easily lead to hurt feelings or physical hurts. I had brothers so i learned this lesson without having to bruise my women. The fun is not worth the risk.
Hitting someone out of anger is unacceptable. Hitting someone in self defense is fine. Two parties playing around and both enjoying it is their business and your sister sounds incapable of understanding context or nuance. She probably spends too much time on tiktok.
Play fighting and wrestling are pretty common bonding exercise. It’s all about intent. If you’re hitting him because you’re upset and unable you emotionally regulate yourself you’re a problem. If you’re hitting him because you both think it’s fun and being playful it’s fine.
It is always about consent. If you have consent to do what you are doing then it isn’t assault. Boxers and MMA fighters are an extreme example of this.
Some people never want to be hit or roughly handled in a relationship. For those people it would be wrong. Some people want it done, in which case it is right.
And keep in mind consent involves not just the act but also the context. An MMA fighter can’t attack an opponent outside of a ring and official match because the consent was specific to the scheduled fight. Similarly if you punch your husband in anger because he left the toilet seat up that would be wrong because he hasn’t consented to physical assault in that scenario.
It sounds like what you and your husband do is just fine because you both have consented to it and it stays within the realm of that consent.
Edit: I should add, if you are going to regularly rough house you should pick a safe word so you can clearly communicate when to stop. Consent can be withdrawn at any time so you both need a way to clearly state that right now you are not in the mood for it.
My wife and I have never “rough housed” and have no desire to. 20 years together, 10 married. That’s not for us and not to mention we wouldn’t want our kids to see that it’s ok to hit each other. It is not a universal thing but definitely juvenile IMO and not our cup of tea.