How frequently or rarely does it happen where you want sex and your partner doesn’t? How do you deal with wanting sex while your partner doesn’t?
How often does it happen where you want sex and your partner doesn’t? What do you do in these cases?
r/AskWomen
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It’s pretty rare for us, me wanting sex and him not only happens maybe once a month if that.
I usually just masturbate in that case.
It happens pretty rarely. When my husband doesn’t want to have sex, it’s usually because he’s too tired or too hot or isn’t feeling great. I tell him that’s okay because it is okay and I either go do something else or if I’m very horny, I do it myself.
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Pretty much all the time. My bf restricts me and sometimes will even straight up reject me. Our sex life is very minimal. We have sex probably once a week ššš and I have to suffer for the rest š
I usually have sex multiple times a day with my partnerā¦ sometimes the entire day which I love š
It doesn’t happen very often. We both work from home and are usually in the mood either at the same time, or we can get the other in the mood pretty easily. On the rare occasions one of us wants to be intimate and the other just really doesn’t, we typically wait until we’re both in the mood.
Basically all the time. Itās been a depressing reality for a number of years.
I masturbate a LOT. I used to do a lot of crying and wondering why Iām so unattractive to him.
Ehhh, about 25% of the time. I have an insanely high drive, though, so usually he’ll either rise to the occasion or I’ll deal with myself. It’s nbd.
Regularly. I have a much higher drive than him. In those cases I just masturbate.
never happened in the almost 3 years weāve been together, we both have high sex drives. ugh i miss him!!
My libido has gotten very low, so it does not ever happen now, but the very rare times it happened before I would just take care of myself in bed beside him. More often, he is in the mood, and I am not, and he does the same. Occasionally, when he is taking care of himself, it will get me into the mood.
Itās pretty rare but itās happened a handful of times in my 3.5 year relationship.
It makes me feel a little bad even though I know it shouldnāt since heās has every right to not be in the mood. I think itās just a mentality thing that we are taught men always want to have sex. I usually donāt want it bad enough to do anything by myself.
Hm. Rarely. I usually get it every night :]
I think my partner does it because he knows how much I like having sex though. He told me heās never been too sexual but every time we are together, heās initiating.
I donāt think I could date anyone who wasnāt as sexual as meā¦ which may be why partner is doing it because we talked about that once. But I also love him enough if he didnāt want to I could just handle myself. Usually in relationships Iām going 2-4x a day if I can get away with it š
It was 99% of the time while I was married to my ex. He would never initiate, so eventually I stopped except for once every couple of months and he’d more likely than not reject me then too. I thought the lack of sex was the only thing in our marriage so after years of this, I decided to outsource the sex. I was wrong, there was so much shit wrong with our relationship that couple’s therapy uncovered, and while I did my best to improve I realized my ex was staying with me because he didn’t want to be alone, not because he was attracted or cared about me. So I decided to end the marriage, I’m single, but significantly happier.
We had no kids, or combined finances apart from our house so it’s not like he was staying with me to avoid financial ruin.
My husband and I used to have sex all the time until I started working full time and being in college full time.
Iām on a computer working like 7 days a week.
Then I have to make time for self care, working out at the gym just to get me out of the house, and I have to make time for chores I do around the house.
So by the time my husband is asking for sex I am so burned out itās not even funny. For a while I was just doing it for him but he could tell.
Weāve been working on it and heās been so understanding, but I have no idea how to turn the horny switch on when Iām stressed out this often.
The last thing I want to do when I have free time is be touched or bothered. I just want to sit in silence and do what I want finally. I have so many things that control my schedule and I just want to decompress.
Iāve suggested doing lazier sex sometimes just to give me a break, but he wants to do foreplay for both of us, he wants me to cum, he wants to do a bunch of positions and all I can feel about that is irritation.
Then I feel like a failure as a wife and itās hard. I donāt know what to do or how to solve this.
I feel like the only answer is for me to graduate from college and get my life back.
Oh, I just handle it myself.
It happens frequently, as he has a pretty low libido (plus sometimes issues like pain, allergies, stress etc. get in the way), and mine is over the roof.Ā
It’s okay. We don’t stress about it. I have healthy hands and toys in that case. No issue.Ā
I know I’m very attractive to him, he adores me. He just isn’t in the mood for sex all the time.Ā
Have you just come out and asked them why. It might be uncomfortable for you but could be enlightening in the long run. If he does give reasons other than being tired/busy can you talk about them? If the answer is usually āIām just tiredā Iād be giving that the side-eye unless theyāre unusually busy as of late.
Sometimes my husband and I would miscommunicate and not realize it until that misunderstanding has had a negative impact.
Also, vibrator. A quiet one.
Almost never. It has happened a couple of times where he was mad about something and I didn’t know, and when I initiated he rejected me. I cried so fucking hard about it, not because he said no, but the things he said to me. It hurt a lot and honestly it made me stop initiating almost 100% of the time.
Semi often? And nothing happens? Conversation is usually āsex?ā āNahā ādo you want me to try and get you in the mood?ā āNahā āok.ā And then we go in with our lives. Usually cuddling.
If needed we masterbate away from the other and thatās that.
I donāt think thatās ever happened yet in our relationship. Heās always ready to go.
I just vibe until they want to again, whenever that may be. Iāll just handle my own if itās that serious lol.
once in a great while. i just wait for him or sometimes i masturbate when heās at work lol. i donāt find it very fun though which is why i usually wait š
My libido has gone up a lot recently so I have been wanting it more. Sometimes during the week he is really tired and just wants to go to bed and that’s fine. Usually I try to hold on to the feeling, keep the build up going for a few days so I’m really really in the mood when we get to it.
Me in my husband both have a high sex drives. We been together 20 years and I can probably count on one hand him turning me down only cause he was mad at me about something the few times he turn me down. We have sex everyday in on weekends twice a day. I always feel so bad for the people that have to deal with getting turn down because their partner has a low sex drive.
Very very rarely. Granted we’re both young and newly engaged, im sure we’ll slow down a bit once kids and age catch up with us
He’ll rarely say no and I generally don’t either but if one of us really isn’t into it its no big deal.
it happens often for us bc while our sex drives are about equal they are often out of sync, lol. i guess I dont do anything š¤£ im just like oh okay! and then we keep doing what we were doing
Often right now and we just donāt have sex, cuddle, or talk instead.
Itās pretty rare that my husband doesnāt want sex. We have sex nearly every day.
But in those instances heās always happy to go down on me or rub my clit to make me cum. Heās very generous.
And since it happens so rarely, I donāt take it personally.
I can imagine if it was happening often, the rejection would totally make me feel unwanted, undesired, and unloved.
Jennifer the blow up doll will suffice
In that case, we just don’t. Maybe I take care of myself later. If it happens often enough that my needs aren’t being met, I break up with them.
Bf has had relationships where all they did was fuck 24/7 and he didnāt want that with me, he wanted to build a foundation. Id say my drive is higher but I need to work on other forms of intimacy. I find kissing more intimate than sex
Many once a week. I go to sleep and we try again when weāre both feeling it.
It happened a lot, as in the majority of the time. We broke up.
I have multiple partners. The itch is thoroughly scratched when needed.
I think that’s probably happened with us a single time in nearly 20 years. I think I can vaguely remember trying to seduce my partner and getting turned down once.
I don’t actively want sex very often lately in general? It’s just not something that crosses my mind. I’m not thrilled with the look/shape of my body these last few years, so I think that kind of cuts down my libido, and then some of my meds take care of the rest of it.
If I did feel a surge of desire and my partner were home for it, I’m pretty sure that I could always get them worked up and interested in sex. If they really weren’t interested, I’d just go to our bedroom and take care of things myself. (Though I do have to admit that being rejected would also put a SERIOUS damper on my desire. I might not be interested at all at that point. BUT that is on me and not on my partner, and I would not try to guilt them into fucking me. I just might ask for clarification and/or reassurance sometime later, when I was feeling more stable again.)
My ex?
All the time. He started rejecting me and refused to have a conversation about the real reason why, when before we were doing it a few times a day. It was like a switch flipped after the first time I told him ānoā; thatās the only thing I can pinpoint. We didnāt make it another six months, without sex and him stonewalling me the whole time
Not very often. When it does, it’s not a problem because we have a good, regular sex life. My husband and I both came from previous marriages that were eventually sexless, and as sexual intimacy is something that’s important to both of us, we make an active effort to not let things slide. Doesn’t hurt that we have very similar libidos. But yeah, not a problem if he’s not in the mood — or if I’m not. We both know it’s just not the right moment and that’s ok.
With my ex, it happened a few times, ironically after a period where he complained about not having sex very often and he often told me to stay home cuz he needed “me time” and couldn’t stand for me to be in the same house as him. I cried, then I got mad, then after 5 years of that bullshit on repeat, I finally broke up with him, then HE cried and called/ texted me for weeks afterward. I doubt he was cheating at the time, but now I’m not so sure. š Oh well, he’s someone else’s problem now, and I married a hot ass viking king (husband’s family heritage dates back to Lief Erikson, the explorer). My husband is basically always down, even after my body completely changed after having 2 children.
Depends. Like if one of us is going through some heavy life shit itās going to happen a lot probably. If we are both well and good itās pretty rare
I have a vibrator for these situations :]
Very rarely but when it has ill just use a toy.
Pretty often because my libido is way higher than his. Ironic because I thought I was asexual at one point, the I met him and it triggered massively. I don’t want to be overly pushy about my newfound libido and coerce him into doing stuff when he doesn’t feel like it. It’s not fun anyway because enthusiasm is one of the best parts about sex.
So I just use the magic wand, read my NSFW comics or watch porn/hentai. It’s nbd for me. We actually had a discussion before and he asked if this was a deal breaker for me then we shouldn’t continue the relationship.
I know it is a deal breaker for some people, but it wasn’t for me. I have no issues just masturbating, and frankly, I enjoy reading cute NSFW comics haha. I’ll add that when this happens, he’d usually check on me once or twice and help out sometimes, probably so I don’t feel alone. š
You have to understand that someone not having a high libido doesn’t mean they find you unattractive.
Rarely, my sex drive is very low
If one of us wants sex and the other doesn’t, we respect it and handle our business manually with a hand.
Never