I’m 21F living in Japan. A month or so ago I was visiting my boyfriend. During the day, I went to simply get groceries and on my way home was approached by a man.
He started by asking me for the nearest supermarket, what I’m doing, where I’m from, (hitting on me basically, asking if I had a boyfriend and what not, complimenting me) etc. I mentioned I was just heading home and he suddenly said “okay, let’s go”. I sort of paused and contemplated what to do. But he didn’t seem particularly dangerous and there were people around so I walked back to the place I was staying and made small talk with him. The main reason I was okay with this is because where I’m staying has double security (no one without a key can even get into the building).
It ended without anything bad happening. I got home safe, we parted ways(in front of the building), end of story. But I was a little shook after and was wondering what would’ve been a better decision?? It was my first time having something like this happen.
My boyfriend wasn’t home at the time either (he was working, so I couldn’t really call him for help). Basically, what I want to know is what should I do if this happens again? I know the ideal answer is to tell him something like “no I’m okay, it was nice meeting you but I’m fine going home alone”, but what if he doesn’t take no for an answer?? What if I’m followed home anyway? Should I go back to the supermarket? But do what? What if he follows me there too? I just want to avoid another scary situation in the future.
Any advice?
Comments
Never bring a stranger home if a guy ignores no he’s already a risk. Trust your gut be blunt go where people are your safety matters more than manners.
Can you go to a hotel nearby, restaurant or store and just hang out and be boring. Gray rock his ass. Act dumb and don’t make much eye contact.
Or you can project a stern and bithcy aura and walk fast af like you’re too busy for him.
Change demeanor 180° look at him like he is about to be the victim, and say “get the fuck away from me” for me it works every single time. Those guys are looking for somebody weak that can agree from fear of being rude. So be rude.
You never, ever go home. And stop being afraid to make a scene! This type of behaviour is how I ended up molested at 20, in broad daylight.
Always use your voice. Something like that would have been perfect to say.
If someone doesn’t take no for an answer then you have a couple options:
– Raise your voice, bring attention to yourself. There is safety in numbers.
– Go to a shop, a supermarket, any business. Ask for help.
I personally wouldn’t want someone following me to where I live. This could simply be a person looking out for another. Not every interaction is a negative one, but you should always trust your gut.
I am not interested. I have a boyfriend. Leave me alone. HELP! THIS DUDE IS FOLLOWING ME!, also buy pepper spray or something
Sis, now he knows what building you live in. He can loiter about and watch for you to come out again. Next time walk to the local police precinct.
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If they have bad intentions, make yourself a less desirable victim. You can be nice, honest, and matter of fact. “No thanks, I’m not comfortable with people knowing where I live.” If they persist, “I’d feel silly calling law enforcement, but I will.” Then follow thru.
Japan perhaps the safest place in the world as far as violent crime but there are lunatics everywhere even if it’s very unlikely. Need to work on your assertiveness lass and make sure he goes on his way.
Please, please read”The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker. You are a master rationalizing victim to be.
he may not be able to enter but he can lurk outside, dont do that again!
Never walk back to your house with a stranger like that……wtf were you thinking. You could’ve just said “nice meeting you, goodbye”. If he follows you, you walk right to a police station or public place and notify someone that he is following you. The LAST thing you do is let him know where you live.
I imagine Japan is relatively safe, but when he said, okay, let’s go, You need to say no thank you.And walk away, and if he’s following you, just stop and tell him to leave until he does.
It’s ok to tell people “fuck off”
Every woman should take a self defense course!
These courses will not only teach you how to physically defend your would but give you the confidence to use your words strongly without questioning what is appropriate.
“I don’t know you so leave me alone!” is not being rude it’s being safe.
Perfect strangers aren’t your friends or family. You owe them nothing. If they disrespect your space they really really aren’t worth your time. Get a fly swatter.
Act crazy 🤪. I want a boyfriend. I want to get married. Do you like spiders 🕷️? I can be your spider bride dressed in black webs
Next time, walk to the nearest police precinct (koban?) and don’t leave until he goes away.
Learn to be assertive because it doesn’t go away. Just yesterday, I (67F) was grocery shopping (in the US) when a man sitting outside the store “wanted to ask me a question.” Repeated himself several times after I ignored him and kept walking. Finally, I told him I didn’t speak to men I didn’t know and got into the car.
A punch to the throat disables anyone, and it doesn’t take much force. It’s the easiest way to save your life.
never bring a stranger home. never attract attention to yourself at home.
if this happens again, act crazy. not just ooo-weird, absolutely full psychopath (like find a bug and pick it apart in front of him, wondering aloud what the bug must feel and think). tell him you hear voices telling you to do horrible things and sometimes you like to listen.
Are you white & pretty? If so, you will get many jobs offers for erotic type work (nude modeling, hostess in skimpy outfit, fetish stuff, etc.)
Stopping being nice to people who approach u this way !! even if he look nice . most dangerous serial killer or stalkers can look so shy thus give impassion of a nice person.
I would had said !! TX for the chat but sorry I have a bf .. wish him best of luck and leave !!
You start off by saying I’m sorry, I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend/husband. If he doesn’t leave you alone, you get louder and say I’m not interested, leave me alone. Go back to the grocery store if necessary, but never go home. If he follows, you, create a scene.
Lots of seemingly nice guys turn out to be dangerous.
Be the bitch. It does not matter if you seem unhinged and rude. Chase them off.
Don’t engage, walk away, if pushed say “I don’t want to speak to a stranger”.
Stare deadpan in the eyes then scream in Japanese “helllllllpppp he’s trying to kidnap me” then start yelling a description of his clothing. Absolute top of your lungs
I am going to say walking home when he was following wasn’t the smartest decision as he now knows where you live. Next time look for a police officer nearby or local station etc. Go to a supermarket and ask a member that works there, or go to a train station and ask a member who works there for help. Or maybe to to a place which has security (not your home) and just tell them that you’re being followed. That way you can get help from a trusted person (as they should be trained, aware on what to do, such as bars with code words, or be able to contact police for you).
This does not sound very Japanese…but hey let’s roll.
Have you ever train to say NO!?
Please be careful entering and exiting your building and always look around before going out further. Try not to go out alone especially at night.
And please never lead someone to your home like that again. Too many horror stories. Stay safe!