For some backstory, my boyfriend (19M) and I (20F) have been together for two years, and we were on a two-week vacation when this all happened. We were in Nashville from July 3rd to 9th visiting his family, and then flew to Florida from the 9th to the 13th to hang out with our friend group. One day, while we were standing in the kitchen with our friends, I accidentally grabbed his phone since we both have iPhone 15s. I noticed a Snapchat notification from a girl, and when I asked who she was, he said she was the sister of one of his friends. I had only recently heard about this girl because he mentioned her about a month ago after going to a party where he said they caught up since they were childhood friends.
He then told me this story about how he dropped his phone and accidentally added her on Snapchat, and since she added him back, he felt it would be rude not to keep snapping her. At first, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I thought maybe he was just being nice and that it was innocent since they were friends in the past. But what’s really been eating at me is the hiding and the lying. If it was truly nothing, why not just tell me about it? Why try to cover it up? That’s what makes me feel like there’s more going on, like I still don’t know the full story.
For context, my boyfriend and I don’t really maintain friendships with the opposite sex. That’s a boundary we agreed on early in our relationship because we’ve both been cheated on before. It’s always been mutual and respected until now.
His explanation didn’t sit right with me, so I logged into his Snapchat. I know that was a violation of privacy and I do regret how I went about it, but I was overwhelmed and emotional. And I’m glad I did, because I discovered they had been snapping constantly, every few minutes, for 10 days straight. She was even at the top of his best friends list, meaning he was talking to her more than anyone else. He claimed he talks to everyone that much, but I know him. He’s rarely ever on Snapchat like that.
To me, this feels like cheating. He hid it from me because he knew it would make me upset, which tells me he knew it was wrong. He’s since apologized and admitted that it was a mistake, but I’m struggling to get over it. I feel incredibly betrayed, and I don’t know if this is something I can move past. I’m hesitant to break up with him because we have two dogs together, and they primarily live with him. I love him, and I honestly thought he was the person I would marry, but right now I feel hurt, confused, and unsure about everything. I just need advice because I don’t know what to do or how to feel. What would others do in my position?
Comments
I would not be able to trust him again and I would feel betrayed. There would be no coming back from this but others would forgive. It all depends on you if you can forgive and trust him again.
Girl you needa stand up and have some self respect and love for yourself, how can someone “ drop their phone” an accidently add someone. You gullible and sad asf if you believe him and it’s even worse if you stay w him. Love urself
Staying together for the dogs?? Let’s say every Snapchat that exceeded two exchanges a day counts a lie, c’mon, how many signs do you need? Take it from a cheater, that’s cheating, so, not proven that it’s physical, but it’s blatant emotional cheating. Cut your losses and move on.
“Dropped my phone and accidentally added them” is worse than my dog ate my homework lol. (Have actually seen dogs destroy school work)
He’s already proved he’ll lie to you about other women. You’re so young, go find someone who’s honest who can be your forever person.
> “For context, my boyfriend and I don’t really maintain friendships with the opposite sex. “
Trust would be letting him be friends with whoever he wants because you know he is committed to you. You do not trust him at all. You never have. You are trying to protect yourself from the betrayal of the last partner, by never trusting anyone again.
Given that you discussed the boundaries around what cheating is, this is rather clear cut. It wouldn’t be cheating in my relationship, but we have clear discussions about what would be too. It really depends on your own personal relationship. I would exit the relationship upon evidence of mutually-defined cheating. Given I have different standards than you for cheating, in this case, I would consider if they wanted to make amends and possibly redefine cheating if I was in your position. But that’s a nasty process to go through multiple times, so try to find what actually works for the two of you or move on. Best of luck!
A friend’s sister is actually a woman suitable for dating, as blood bonds are not mutually shared via friendship. Just saying. And the story about “I dropped the phone and added her” is so real but I think he needs to use chatgpt to generate a more believable excuse next time
If you were talking to your best friend in the whole world and she told you this story about her boyfriend, what advice would you give her?
Now, follow that advice.