My (26f) boyfriend (25m) and I have been dating long distance for two years and neither of us has any tattoos. I find tattoos unattractive on men generally. I don’t think they’re ugly or look bad in general and totally respect the artistry, I just prefer a cleaner cut look for guys I date. Completely a personal dating preference thing.
When my boyfriend announced he was getting his first tattoo, I wasn’t automatically unsupportive, but when he confirmed he wanted to get something big and super visible, I was clear with him that I wouldn’t find it attractive and would prefer that he didn’t. Like your body your choice, but I’d expect he’d have an opinion if I decided to shave my head or something. Then he says he wants a full sleeve eventually and I’m like what???? Since when???? Like that’s a big deal and I KNOW I would miss his sexy bare arms 🙁
Of course, he tells me all his buddies are saying I’ll change my mind once I see it and be really into it. And that just irks the hell out of me because these people don’t even know me and just assume all women find tattoos hot. We are not a monolith and I know my own tastes, thanks!
We had our back and forth about it, and he decides he’s still getting it, fair. He says he’ll get one on his forearm and anything else will be another decision further down the line. The design he picks looks like it’ll be fairly large but not wraparound or anything like that. Just a nice tiger design. I can live with it.
Day of the tattoo comes up, I’m being supportive without denying my feelings. When he tells me he’s wrapping up with the appointment, though, he says he’ll need another session to finish it—the tiger is done, but they need to finish the snake and add a crane. I’m like, what?? It turns out he wants 5 animals in that one spot, apparently the artist made a really nice design that includes all of them and wraps around the forearm. I haven’t seen what’s there so far or the design the artist planned, but I think that much in one spot is going to be crowded and ugly and corny. I can’t imagine it any other way. Like, even if it weren’t my boyfriend or I was attracted to tattoos.
Anyway, rant over, it is what it is and I don’t want to be unsupportive of what’s already happening. It’s a stupid thing to get upset over but I think I’m allowed to have my principles, and I want to be graceful and kind now. When he finally shows it to me, do I just lie and say I like it? My basest instinct tell me to be like “I told you I’d never find it sexy, I still don’t, but I’m happy you’re happy,” but I know that’s still bitchy. I just don’t want to accidentally encourage him to get MORE tattoos when I truly am not into that at all. It’ll also annoy me to no end if he thinks “see, everyone was right, she found tattoos hot all along and she just didn’t realize yet, foolish girl!” just bc I’m trying to be nice and supportive about a decision he’s already made.
I just lie and say it’s good, right? How do I do that without giving him the go-ahead to get a full sleeve now? And please do share any insights to make me freak out less about the current state of the tattoo.
Comments
Honestly, it’s all about communicating your feelings without sounding too critical. Emphasizing that it’s his body, his choice – just like it’s your choice to voice your opinion. It’s a tricky line to walk for sure. But don’t fake enthusiasm, he’ll sense it. Just be like “The art looks really well done, props to the artist. I’m glad you’re happy with it, dude.” No need to call it sexy, don’t give false signals if you’re not feeling it. Respect is key, it flows both ways. IMHO, it’s not a deal breaker, just a test of communication. Also, don’t overthink, it’s just a tattoo. 😉 Peace!
Never lie. If you aren’t attracted to tattoos say that. Same way if he got a Mohawk you’d probably break up with him. Attraction is important.
I would just say “Wow, what a tattoo!” and leave it at that.