They were my friend of 13 years.
Recently we went through a rough patch and after I addressed their grievances and apologized, I didn’t hear back.
I need to clarify I DON’T expect forgiveness. I had ghosted them for a couple of months and there’s no excuse. My mental health was in terrible shape after my grandma passed earlier this year, and I isolated myself from everybody excluding my cousin. I’m still aware this is really no excuse. I apologized deeply to my friend when I resurfaced, and took accountability for it. I let them know that I did not expect a response and that I had no intention to pressure them for one. I’m not owed that after what I did.
But now that I’ve received no response for a month, I feel like I’m spiraling. I know I shouldn’t reach out again, it would be selfish of me to barrage them and everything. But I don’t know how to come to terms with the idea that our friendship might be over. I’m broken. They were my best friend. I cherish them so much and I regret my actions. I hate myself and don’t know where to go from here. They were a part of my soul and I feel like I’m grieving for the second time this year.
Can anyone give me advice on how to come to terms with this? I know it’s still possible I could hear back eventually, but I feel the likelihood is low.
Comments
Give it time. Be kind
Losing someone who felt like home hurts but holding on to silence will wreck you. Mourn them hard forgive yourself faster your worst moment isn’t your whole story.
Get some counseling. You sound like you’re still a mess.
Maybe if you really actually get your shit together, you can become friends again someday. Apologies don’t fix anything if you’re still a menace.
If they’re still staying away, part of the problem is probably who you still are and what their current expectations are, not just anger over what you already did. It’s not that hard to sniff out.
But there is hope. For now I bet they mostly don’t want to be hurt again by you.
Give them time. You reached out. They ghosted you back. Eventually you two may come up with a reason where you both just can talk.
Friends are not limited. You and they can make other friends. And you don’t even have to lose friends to make new ones.
Been there. I’ve ghosted people as well and hurt them because I cared more about drugs than friends.
Use this time to grow and care for yourself. Put you first.
If they were truly friends with you, they would understand. But also, they would want to see that you made changes in your life as well.