i am like another person when i (late 30sF) like a guy. im usually assertive in my career, school, and w ppl who love and care about me like my immediate family. but when i develop feelings all bets are off. im like putty and i hate it.
i currently have feelings for a close friend (still trying to shake it off) and he doesnt feel the same way. when i asked why, he said “i want someone as argumentative as me.” makes me think im not assertive enough w men i have feelings for.
how to get over the feelings and just be your assertive fun flirty self? how do i wrap my head around this differently when i date future guys?
Comments
Don’t mold yourself into what you think men want. Be yourself and you will attract a man suited for you.
He’s basically trying to shut things down in this way because it’s better worded than “we’re friends and close because I do not wish to fuck you” or he wants to fuck you maybe one day but not right now and maybe never you’re just an option that provides him something. Figure out what he’s taking from you or don’t waste any time. Create some emotional distance, focus on anything else and eventually you won’t give much of a shit about whatever BS he blew your way that says nothing about you / everything about this guy.
Whatever he “wants” isn’t about how you’re not enough of something or even too much of something, he doesn’t want you and that’s fine, don’t hard sell yourself to anyone.
You’re not argumentative? that sounds toxic.
Relax. We see potential in a guy and start calculating our every move / behaviour around him. Be yourself . Be friendly and pleasant but remember he is not your friend. I would suggest also not to overshare about your past , family and traumas. You can yap about mundane things , your routine or something funny ofcourse.