My dad is having an affair with one of his workers. No matter how many times or how many people have told him to leave her, he refuses. They go on one-day trips, and he even visits her home and spends the entire day with her. Because of this, my parents are constantly fighting.
They’ve been married for 29 years, and instead of things improving, they’ve only gotten worse. We can’t go to her house or my dad’s workplace because it would ruin his reputation in society. My mom has scolded the woman many times over the phone. We’re desi, so divorce is not an option—my mom does not want it.
I have the woman’s number. So give me some unhinged advice to break my dad’s affair with her.She doesn’t have a husband to inform abt this affair.We also cant reach to her other family members.
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he chose betrayal over loyalty, and you’re stuck watching your mom drown in silence. If honor won’t wake him up, maybe a staged “cheating scandal” at his workplace will.
I’d just tell him that his reputation will be ruined.
I’d get T-shirts that state “my dad cheats” and “I’m the wife not the other woman” and wear them out every time you go out.
Essentially you are allowing him to do this, so why would he stop?
He doesn’t sound like a nice person.
Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your dad. Sometimes, expressing how his actions are affecting you and your mom can make him realize the impact of his choices. Try to create opportunities for family bonding activities that can help remind him of the love and connection within the family. Sometimes, rekindling those feelings can shift priorities. Suggest family counseling as a safe space where everyone can express their feelings openly. A professional might help navigate these complex emotions and situations.
Does the woman he’s cheating with know about your family?
Never protect a cheater, he would throw your mother under the bus in a heart beat. He is destroying his marriage, and doesn’t care. Why are you protecting his reputation? Is it financial? Help your mother, and leave him alone. Don’t protect him or his reputation unless you need the money. Cheaters are liars and will cheat again. They will do anything to keep going as you are witnessing it. It is not love, love doesn’t do this.
Unfortunately there probably isn’t anything you could do short of murder. He’s made his choice and so has his mistress.
Just stop. You’re trying to control a situation that doesn’t need your fixing. What are you gonna do? Tell your mom? Your dad’s coworkers? They already know – yet he’s still doing it, so what exactly are you going to accomplish? She knows what she’s doing as your mom has scolded her, so you doing the same because you have no other info on her personal life isn’t gonna change anything. You’re in a shitty situation and, honestly, may be kinda young. Sorry you’re in this place, I’ve been there before, but it’s all on your mom and dad to make a change if either of them wants it, not you.
Girl if your mom and other people have asked him to stop there’s probably nothing you can do either other than I guess cut him off entirely.
Actually you are choosing the wrong path….
Wanting to get rid of her is foolish and a waste of time, suppose you get rid of her, suppose you scare her enough to make her leave, suppose you beat her up or something (which I don’t recommend in the least) if your father is so in love with her, he will defend her or if you manage to scare her too much to make her leave, it’s a matter of time before he will chase her or find someone else.
And you know why? Because the main problem is your father who no longer loves your mother, not her….. She’s just another pawn on his board….. The REAL solution is to kick your dad out of the house…. But since your mother doesn’t want to do that then they are doomed to keep this up until your father gets tired of her….. Which I don’t think will happen
> So give me some unhinged advice to break my dad’s affair with her.
that’s a really bad move, and your father will probably just find a new affair if you “succeed” in that way.
really your mother should be kicking him out, although if your mother is not prepared to do that then she is implicitly accepting the situation.
if you can’t cope with the situation, you should move out. if you have already moved out, you should accept that your parents are adults and need to make their own choices in life, however terrible those choices may be.
I’m sure I’ll lose karma for this, but fundamentally your dad’s romantic and sex life is up to him. Whether your mum stays with him is up to her. Traditional cultural and social expectations are not worth taking seriously in my opinion. Don’t get involved, I don’t think it will help. You could talk with your parents about how the fighting is upsetting you. You could also tell that to the other woman, but if you do break the affair your dad might resent that at the very least.
This is one of the terrible sides of a lot of desi culture unfortunately. Peeps are too ingrained with their own cultural traditional Mindset that they can’t see how much they are self harming their own relationships and selves by doing so. I can’t think of any unhinged thing that would make this stop considering your dad is the one with the problem and until the woman has any consequences of real major issues, that won’t stop on her side either.
Here is how you could do it. But I warn you: this will have consequences.
Before you consider this, please consider taking your father to a person of religious or social standing who YOU also trust. A priest, rabbi, imam, etc. Or perhaps a community leader or respected elder, depends on your society. Ideally, you handle this privately.
However.
If you really want to, here’s what someone in your situation could do.
I will assume the dad is the top boss, for now. Since the dad is in “society” with a reputation, that means he has some organizations/groups he is a part of. Consider which ones his wife, the mom, has also been to — maybe he takes her to an annual business luncheon — and focus on those.
One could create a throwaway email account and message his superiors (if he has them), the top people at any groups he is in, and etc. They could describe the rumor and how shameful it is, the details, and why this man cannot be trusted.
The best way to handle this is in private. But if it cannot be, that’s one way someone could deal with it.
Let him do what he wants he made his decisions he’s a grown man. He doesn’t have to be apart of your life.
Your mother stays with him any ways? Interesting
Your parents should separate. Being Desi is not a valid argument to stay together. You shouldn’t contact the other woman. Let your parents sort it out themselves.
It’s time you help your mother get a lawyer. Your dad is good. Marriage means nothing to him anymore. Family means nothing to him anymore. Loyalty means nothing to him. Respect means nothing to him. It’s up to you how you want to treat him, but he’s gone. Salvage what’s left of the family and separate him, especially if he is being open about it.
Tell his affair partner you’ve seen him with another woman
What if you encourage it, and let your dad bring his lover back home. Look keep your enemy closer to you might offer some inspiration.
Divorce.
If your mom doesn’t want it, it’s her choice.
Work on making this NOT your problem.
Tell her mom
my aunt gave my grandpa an ultimatum back in the day, she told him. “its either me and mom or your affair.” threatening to cut him off completely. my aunt being my grandpa’s only beloved and precious daughter got him to make his secretary kick the curve and so my grandparents remained married for the rest of their living years.
We are desi….what does that even mean?
If your mum gets some STDs from sharing your dad, would being Desi save her?
Sometimes the hardest decision is to safely leave and start all over….
What if worker turns around and sends killers to off your mum…..it has happened in the past so we can’t rule it off….
Just quietly leave and start over…..
Life is the most important thing….
Worst case scenario she struggles a bit emotionally and maybe financially but she would be alive and well eventually…..
There’s no good answer for this situation.
If your father believes in a certain religion enough to follow the “Don’t get divorced” rule, then he certainly must be breaking the ” Don’t commit adultry” rule, and ” Be a good person ” rule, and ” Don’t dishonor your family” rule, etc etc. I’m guessing there are more rules than just ” Don’t get divorced.”
Find the list of rules he’s actually breaking and write the list down. Ask him “What would you think of me if I was doing this to my spouse?” Tell him that you love your mom and want him to stop hurting her.
I guess you can’t ask a religious leader for help, because you want to keep it a secret.
You can certainly get married to someone who is not religious or someone who is not Desi, if people find out about everything. There are millions of people you can date and marry.
Obviously, his religion doesn’t mean much to him, so why would you need to follow it ?
If he’s going to pick and choose which rules to follow, you could do the same. Some rules are really old fashioned these days.
He probably doesn’t want to divorce the wife because he’ll have to give her half of all of his money and property.
You might have an easier time talking your mom into divorcing him, and sueing the mistress for alienation of affection.
But it’s really your dad’s fault. He’s the one who promised to be faithful and isn’t.
I’m guessing that was a religious vow he took when he married her.
Tell your mom that they both deserve to be happy, and get over not wanting them to divorce. If the mistress stops seeing your father, chances are high that he’ll just start seeing somebody new. He’s not happy. Neither of your parents are happy.
I’m sorry. It must be sad and stressful.
Don’t worry if they get divorced. You can date anyone you want to.
He’s breaking Hindu marriage act 1955.
It’s no longer considered a criminal act, but it is a valid reason for divorce.
(This is what Google says, there’s more information you can look it up.)
Adultery as a Ground for Divorce:
Under the Hindu Marriage Act, adultery is a valid ground for divorce. This means that if a husband is proven to have engaged in voluntary sexual intercourse with someone other than his wife, the wife can seek a divorce.
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Proving Adultery:
To succeed in a divorce case based on adultery, the wife would need to provide sufficient evidence to the court to prove that her husband had engaged in voluntary sexual intercourse with another person. This could include circumstantial evidence, such as photographs, recordings, or witness testimonies.
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No Longer a Criminal Offense:
While adultery was once a criminal offense in India, it is no longer. However, it remains a valid ground for divorce, and a court can still consider adultery as a factor when deciding on a divorce. …
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Impact on Divorce Proceedings:
Adultery can significantly impact the divorce proceedings, particularly when it comes to matters like property division and alimony. If the adulterous affair involved marital funds, this could be a factor in the division of property.
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Cultural Context:
While the law allows for divorce based on adultery, social and cultural factors may also influence the decision of a woman to seek a divorce. In some cases, women may be more hesitant to seek divorce due to social stigma or economic dependence on their husbands.
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Seeking Legal Advice:
It’s crucial for women to consult with a lawyer to understand their legal rights and options in such situations. A lawyer can advise on the best course of action and guide the woman through the legal process.
This is a problem between your mom and dad, not you. There is nothing you can do. Your dad has made his choice. Even if the affair fails your parents marriage won’t be good.
Not your marriage, not your business. Your mother has chosen to stay. End of story.
Focus on your own life.
You should do nothing. We have free will to choose what we want. If your father chooses that, you can’t control him . If you all can open your hearts up and be vulnerable enough to share with him how it negatively effects you all, then that’s all you can and should do.
Otherwise you’re adding on to your own hurt and trauma by attempting to stop it, and once it doesn’t work your more enraged.
if your mom wants to keep being cheated on that’s on her. She has freewill to divorce him. Desi or not. Who cares he’s asking for it. He’s doing it bc he either doesn’t want your mom anymore or bc he knows your mon will stick around and deal with. Divorce will be the ONLY thing to be done. Fighting fire with fire will have everyone burned. Karma is real, and THATS why your plans of sabotaging his affair isn’t working but instead backfires. Let karma handle him and the gf.
You work on forgiving him and loving despite his faults. It doesn’t means be happy and welcome him with open arms hugs and kisses. It just means surrender to the universe that everything will handle itself. Your mom needs to work on separating her feels from him, and fight less. Bc he obviously don’t care or understand the pain he’s bringing unless your mom got her a bf then all hell would break lose. She shouldn’t cook and clean for him he’s not her husband …. Husbands are loyal. Actions speaks louder than all that fighting. Let it go. His cheating is no one else’s burden to carry.
Go nuclear.
I’m afraid there’s absolutely nothing you can do that’s going to force them apart if your mother will not accept divorce.
Can she move into her own apartment? She can perhaps apply for legal separation if she won’t go the full divorce route. Ask her to read the book ‘Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life’ Depending on the age of this woman she could easily get pregnant, where does that leave your mother then? Tell your mother your father is shaming the entire family with his actions and you all deserve so much better. He’s a terrible husband and a lousy role model for his children.
How would your mother feel if this was you in an abusive relationship? Because cheating is abuse, mental, emotional and physical. There’s also the financial aspect of him spending marital funds on this woman. That is family money.
Would she urge you to stay and put up with it? I know you have cultural pressures on you but I can’t think of a religion that doesn’t cite adultery as a reason for divorce. Please tell your mom not to engage with this woman any further, it will ruin her self-esteem. She also needs to look up grey rocking to do with your father, it will help her emotionally withdraw. Stop arguing with him. Indifference not hate is the opposite of love.
Ultimately if she won’t leave, she will have to accept there are 3 people in the marriage and at any point he could divorce her if this woman ends up pregnant. She needs to focus on her own health and well-being.
You can get further support and advice on the subs r/KidsofCheatingParents r/SupportforBetrayed and r/Survivinginfidelity
Tell your mom to cheat back. Fight fire with fire!
Jokes aside, I don’t know. He’s hopeless. Your mom should find happiness with a lover if they can’t divorce.