How to deal with an avoidant boyfriend who shuts down during arguments (25F) (29M)

I (25F) So to begin, my boyfriend (29M) has a demanding job where he will be away for several weeks at a time. (A few weeks here, a few weeks gone etc). This has never been a problem for me I would miss him but also would be fine to do my own thing in the mean time. I also never told him no to going away for a weekend with his friends or anything like that.

This time, I had a surgery which happened to be in his time off work (a few weeks). I told him this 6 months in advance cause it was an important surgery for me (recovery is painful). But he told me he needed to go on a trip with his friend to relax cause he has been feeling overworked. I accepted this cause his job is demanding but felt a little disappointed. During his trip the contact was alright a few texts a day but in the while he was away I was recovering, it was painful I was alone at the house everyday not being able to work which was hard. When I asked for more contact he would kinda push it away saying he can’t go texting all day he’s out all day. I again accepted this but this time it felt harder cause I felt alone.

When he came back from his trip he seemed distant – barely spoke and communication was very one sided from my part. I left it for a day but the next day I felt the same energy. I asked him what was going on but he told me he was not feeling good. All around negative about going back to work and back to the normal life. He said he also has not have had alone time since begging of this trip. He said he would miss me but also being fine going away for weeks again. This now got to me and made me cry.

I told him I needed communication. To tell me what he needs. And asked him if it was better that he would go to his own place to take some time for him self. He agreed. When I asked him how he would do this if we were to live together I got an indifferent response saying w e don’t live together now. Which really got to me since the plan was to move in. I told him I felt like it was on me him being so indifferent but answered with a short “no”.

No words really came out of him and he would have me a kiss and just awkward smiling trying to use I guess physical signals instead of really talking. Then he left.

Times like this have happened before where he would seem so distant. I always let it slide but this time it really broke something in me. Other times our relationship is great – lots of communication, laughter, intimacy etc. Would tell me he loves me very often and would show it. And plans for the future would be moving in a few months and he would talk about having a baby soon.

Thanks for reading all of this. It was always fine but today I don’t know why, really got to me. I would love to know how I could deal with these mood swings cause I do have a lot of love for this person.

Tl;dr My boyfriend is avoidant at times and shuts down during difficult talk what is the best way to deal?