How to deal with financial disparity in 33F and 35M 5 year relationship?

TLDR: I’m a 33F in a 5-year relationship with a 35M who is unmotivated, financially unstable, and shows little initiative for growth. I carry most of the emotional and financial weight in the relationship and it’s setting back my goals. I still love him and hope he turns things around, but I’m unsure how to move forward. Looking for advice—especially from older, experienced men—on how to navigate this dynamic.

I’m hoping for some honest advice. Preferably from people who’ve been through something similar—or from older men who can speak to this kind of situation with compassion and perspective.

I (33F) have been in a relationship for 5 years with a man (35M) I met while working my way through college. He was a cook, I was a waitress. At the time, I was grieving the loss of my son’s father (a police officer who died in the line of duty), supporting my siblings after losing our parents, and working 2–3 jobs to survive. I come from poverty—section 8, food stamps, no utilities growing up—and I promised myself I’d never live like that again.

I worked hard to build a stable life. I’m now in tech, financially responsible, and raising my amazing 13-year-old son. I’ve done therapy. I’ve healed a lot. I’m proud of how far I’ve come.

When I met my boyfriend, he was a bright light during a dark time. He was funny, kind, had dreams of opening a restaurant. I believed in him. I even saved $5K to help him get started. But five years later, he’s still working in the same job for $16/hr, living with his parents, has no savings, no insurance, and no motivation to grow. He constantly says it’s “too late to start over.” He smokes a lot of weed, plays video games, and often asks me for money, which I’ve given—even though I’m a single mom. He blows it on collectibles, games, or weed.

He doesn’t want to go to the doctor or dentist because he doesn’t want the cost taken from his paycheck and it’s also an ick for my health. He jokes that if something happens, I’ll take care of him which I don’t want to do! Meanwhile, he’s asked about moving in together because his parents want him gone but I’m scared. I can’t afford to take care of another adult, emotionally or financially. I just want him to grow up.

What really hurts is how okay he seems to be with this imbalance. I plan and pay for most of our dates. I motivate him, encourage him, even offered to pay for therapy. I’ve stepped in and paid bills like his car note and phone bill just so things don’t fall apart. Yet I still see no real change.

The final blow? He cheated on me 2 years ago and told me it was because he felt he wasn’t enough”—despite me never shaming him or even making finances a big issue. I still showed up with love and forgave him because of his sad upbringing. But my respect and attraction are fading. We’ve stopped sleeping together. I feel like his mom, not his partner. I work 60 hour weeks, regularly volunteer at my son’s school and devote time to parenting, still make my boyfriend’s lunch, dinner, giving love, doing his laundry. I most recently did his resume as well. I am trying so hard to be there for him.

I don’t mind being with someone who makes less than me. I do mind being with someone who’s stagnant and okay with me carrying the whole load. Maybe if he cleaned when he came over? Or planned dates? Or wrote out his goals? Or was more empathetic and understanding? I want to be married. I want to own a home. I want to travel. I want a partner. And I’m terrified that I’m giving up all of those dreams to carry someone who won’t carry themselves.

I love him. But I feel stuck. I don’t want to abandon someone who’s lost and doesn’t have anyone but I also don’t want to live like this. Am I being unreasonable? Is there any way to navigate this dynamic and get through to him? Or am I just delaying the inevitable?