Me 26M and my gf 23F have been dating officially for almost a year. Back story is that she has a really good guy friend pretty much thru college. Back then she always hung out with him 1 on 1, even while we were dating, and idrc.
I met him early on in the relationship when we were still just talking. I thought it went well we went to a restaurant and had drinks after, no tension and nice conversation flow, but apparently he said really things about me to her afterwards and tried to convince her multiple times to end things with me (called me ugly, short, poor various times)
Even to this day sometimes when they hang out 1 on 1 he still says questionable things about me and tells her we are not going to work out. She sometimes gets defensive but sometimes just ignores it. I also have not seen him since the first time. He also influences her friend groups so her friends who are also close to him are kind of cold towards me.
So now I feel uncomfortable with her hanging out with him. But he is one of her oldest friends and they share multiple friend groups.
How do i talk to my gf? Looking for answers from girls w guy best friends..
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Men and women can’t really be friends in the end, he’s just there because he’s too pussy to ask her out and he’s waiting for his “chance”.
It sounds like you’re dealing with someone who’s been close to your girlfriend for a long time and keeps saying stuff that’s messing with your relationship… which can be really frustrating and confusing, I think talking to her about how this is making you feel and setting some boundaries might help, because it’s clear you care and want things to work out, and that alone is pretty damn strong.
He definitely likes her and will try to end things between y’all but she’s also at fault because why are you still around people that speaks negatively of your significant other & why she telling people y’all business?? That’s why you can’t tell friends anything because she already forgave you but they still holding on to the bull from last year. The conversation will be 50/50 especially if she isn’t ready to let that friendship go
Ultimatum. The fact that she tolerates that kind of disrespect is INSANE. She goes with you or him. If its the latter you just dodged a huge bullet. Your significant other should be your biggest fan and defender esp behind your back.
If any of my friends told me to my face that my girlfriend was ugly i would legitimately fight them on the spot.
OP, I’m not sure what you want here. Your gf has made it clear that she is either too spineless to stand up to her friends for you, or she just doesn’t care how they treat you. Either way, you need out of this relationship. Lack of respect can’t be fixed. It may seem small now, but it will grow to poison every aspect of your relationship. Move on. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Did she tell you he said those things? Because if so why is she hanging with him lol? If she knows he said that and she still hangs with him you should be out.
Your GF is complicit in the disrespect his friend is showing you unless she stands up to him. And you don’t have to say this to her! She should have stepped away from him and the other toxic friends for having a poor opinion of you unnecessarily. It doesn’t seem like your relationship is priority over her friendship. That’s the bottomline here!
How do you talk to your gf? You don’t. She has shown you where you stand and the level of respect she has for you. Whether she doesn’t care or is emotionally immature, anything you say will be used against you. She will call you insecure, and not because you are scared of him, it’s because you put up with this behavior and don’t leave. In which case, she is right (though she rationalizes it the other way). You are 26, you should be building solid relationships with women who prioritize their relationships to eventually build a family.
Updateme!
Your GF’s pal sounds like a total dickwad if he’s badmouthing you behind her back, that’s just not cool at all! I really get why you’re squirming about this whole situation. You should really have the “talk” with your GF though, and try not to come across as super possessive or jealous… just express how his behavior makes YOU feel. Trust me, if she cares about you, she’ll be understanding.
You need to set up strong boundaries. Have her cut off anyone that is against your relationship in such a blatant manner. If your relationship is a priority to her she needs to prove it with her actions. The constant disrespect needs to stop immediately.
I set strong boundaries with my gf as soon as we started dating and it’s made a huge difference. She knows exactly what I expect from a partner
>but apparently he said really things about me to her afterwards and tried to convince her multiple times to end things with me (called me ugly, short, poor various times)
You don’t deal with it. If she has a friend that disrespects you, either she cuts them out of her life, or you should cut her out of your life. He’s right. You won’t work as long as she’s friends with him.