TL;DR
19F, dating a 26M for 8 months. Everything’s been great until we had our first argument—about politics. I’m a liberal Christian, he’s a conservative. Now I’m unsure how to handle our differences.
I(19f) and my boyfriend (26m) have been together now for 8 months now. Our relationship has been steady and my parents love having him around, I’m feeling rather off about a conversation I’ve just had.
The discussion of politics hasn’t really been brought up between us. We both are rather weary of the topic and prefer to avoid it. But today while on a call it was brought up, and we seemed to have different opinions and views.
For context we are both Christian and met by going to the same church, but I am rather liberal and lean to the left while he’s a conservative republican. While I understand if he agrees with the policies of trump I can’t get by with supporting someone with his morals or lack of character. While he seems to look past that and focuses on our current president’s policies.
This is probably the true first argument we’ve had in our relationship. Other than this we are incredibly open and over communicate how we are feeling to each-other
Anyone else ever been in the same boat? I just don’t know what to do.
Comments
conservatives in this day and age are despicable; trump is a rapist and pedophile. you’re 19, not fully physically developed mentally and he is 26 and physically developed mentally. either learn to be okay that your boyfriend supports a rapist and pedophile who quotes Hitler, who more than likely wont change that stance, or dump him lol.
That’s my 2 cents, I think even the age gap is enough alone to end this.
I am 22, my ex-partner is 26, and according to him anything under 21 is a child to him mentally. We got together when I was 21 and he 25, and he said that even 21 was pushing it. For context.
I couldn’t date someone who didn’t share my values. Dating a Trump supporter would be a complete deal breaker for me regardless of how well we got along.
Same goes for someone who was religious in my case. It would be a tremendous hurdle to overcome and generally in my experience it’s not possible to navigate these sorts of things unless you compromise your morals.
Marry him as fast as possible so he can get you pregnant, treat you like property, and lock you into a miserable marriage for the rest of your life. It’s just politics, don’t worry about it.
Which policies does he support and do you agree with those policies? If you do then no worries. If you don’t then are you okay with him supporting those policies and that president?
I personally couldn’t look at my husband if he voted for trump. It would be a marriage ending offense.
There are many things wrong with your situation. Beyond the political differences, there’s also your bizarre age difference.
Relationships rely on minor differences because these things balance you out and teach you lessons, but politics are very important because politics represent your morals. Politics affect the lives of everyone – every day. From the roads you drive on to the people you’re friends with, these things are all determined by political beliefs. A relationship cannot be strong if you fundamentally disagree on core principles. If his politics make him hateful and he feels proud to support someone with a lack of good character (partially your words) who has numerous SA allegations and has been heard spewing racist/misogynistic rhetoric, then what do you think that could mean for you? Why do you think these things don’t matter to him? How do you think that reflects on his morals?
Though there is beauty and love within many Christians, there is also a rising group of very hateful and conservative Christian men who support Trump. They often target young women for relationships and see nothing wrong with their age differences, molding them into what they want them to be. You need to be careful and stay true in your beliefs.
Furthermore, if he doesn’t believe in your rights or the rights of others, or he thinks one group of people is better than another – then that is an instant sign to leave. Be with a man who is loving and welcoming to everyone, whose politics reflect the good seen in your religion – not one who claims to do good but actively votes against women or marginalized groups. There are many kind Christian men out there who your family will love and who you can love too, the type who will care for you as well as others, I don’t feel as though “compromise” is necessarily an option. Political differences on whether or not taxes should be raised is what I would consider to be normal, political differences based on supporting a rapist is not.
My husband leans more conservative than myself as well, we also met at church. I love him deeply. He’s my best friend, we share a life in every way- house, pets, young kids, all that.
If he was a trump supporter, divorce would’ve been on the table. It’d break my heart but my morals can’t allow me to be married to someone who doesnt share my morals, and it wouldn’t allow me to show my daughters that I compromise on my beliefs. Thankfully, my liberal self gets along fine with his more conservative views because he disagrees with everything Trump says, does, and stands for. Frankly I think he thinks he’s more conservative than he is just due to his upbringing.
Back in our parents’ day (if you’re not from a minority group), you could compromise on politics- my parents would agree on an outcome they wanted, but disagree with how to get to it, and thus vote differently and go about their lives after leaving the voting box. It’s not the same today. Today if you back Trump, you are compromising values and ethics (not to mention, going against actual conservative values- how is 3 trillion more in debt and more government oversight “conservative”??). So… I’m sorry, but no, I dont think there’s a way to make a relationship happen, especially when you’re this young and your convictions will only get stronger as you spend more time in adulthood. The guy I was dating at 19- I knew I wanted to marry him. Lucky for me, he broke it off, and when he tried to come back, I demanded some changes he wouldn’t agree to. I was ruined, devastated, heartbroken, couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks- frankly I hurt for months. Looking back now I am SO glad. He never would’ve aligned with me morally, he never would’ve supported me, I would’ve been so disappointed in him. You’ll get there, too. Please just let it be through a breakup soon and not a divorce years down the road, like so many of my Christian friends have gone through lately.
> While I understand if he agrees with the policies of trump I can’t get by with supporting someone with his morals or lack of character.
So supporting someone who’s sending people to concentration camps, dismantling programs that millions of people in America and abroad rely on, and inciting hate against already marginalized groups isn’t a red line for you, but supporting someone who cheated on his wives is a red line? Tf kind of belief system is that?
Lol…what policies? Which Trump policies are acceptable to you? Sounds like you two aren’t that different.
Also, stay away from grown men that date teenagers.
Based on morals what politician would you support?