33F hooked up with a 37M a few times. We met on Hinge and didn’t know each other prior. He’s zero contact outside of exactly when he wants to hookup. Ex: “come over? – Sent at midnight”
I am fine with casual and want a consistent hookup, but realizing I probably want more of FWB. I would like some acknowledgment outside of the hookup (at minimum: “hope you got home safe!” and “how are you? Want to come over on xday at xPM?”). I don’t need him to text me “good morning” or every day, but I don’t like being ignored. I will send a “home and hope to do it again” after, to no response for days. I need some sort of response and connection.
I would also like more planning for when we are getting together. I don’t like zero notice. Doesn’t have to be a week in advance, but a day before or even 12 hours before would be nice. My schedule is consistent and his isn’t, so I don’t need it be “every Wednesday at 10pm,” but I’m not going to roll out of bed for this guy… at this point lol I have a feeling this will be the dealbreaker as I get the vibe he either wants a booty call situation or I am always the last resort. Won’t know unless I ask though!
All that to say, how do I say this to him? We haven’t discussed anything beyond we wanted a casual hookup the first time. Maybe I need to ask if he even wants to have a consistent casual thing to start, since it’s only been a few times.
I don’t want it to come across as I’m looking for more than FWB and tend to ramble, so want to be clear on what I’m asking. If he says no to that, I’ll get the message. I want a consistent, casual hookup, someone that doesn’t act like I don’t exist outside of the hour we meet up. I’m also not sure the best time to ask this. In person feels weird because we aren’t together long and he wants something. I’d prefer text so he can also be clear with his intentions, even if it’s ghosting me.
Tl;DR, I have had a good time with him and want a consistent situation with someone I can trust. I don’t know how to bring it up though.
Comments
These are completely reasonable asks. Just basic decency. If you state your case to him just like you did here, he’ll either respond positively, or you’ll find out he’s an asshole. Win-win.
Just let him know that you can’t keep doing last minute booty calls and being ignored outside of hookup time. Reiterate to him that you’re not looking for anything serious, but that you want some level of friendship along with the sex. If he can’t treat you like a person, then there’s definitely other guys who will give you what you want.
He’s telling you exactly what he wants. I wouldn’t expect him to change his mind.
Are you sure he’s not married, or in a relashionship?
Don’t bother with this guy.