My (41m) girlfriend (36f) of eight years has become increasingly toxic abusive and manipulative over the last two years. It is the point where we continually argue because she basically refuses to communicate at all about anything that has happened and she is now constantly blaming my reaction to the way she treats me as the problem. She has been physically abusive and very controlling towards me and is using manipulation regularly. She never accepts anything that she has done is wrong and it’s always my fault for speaking up about what has happened. She then continues to blame my reaction to her behaviour as the problem.
Her behaviour has been very secretive deceptive and very distant or withdrawn for sometime now but she refuses to explain why. It is now come to the point where she has blamed me for for being unhappy about her refusing to see me, spend time with me like we used to and refusing to explain any of it. It has resulted in an argument and she will not let go of the fact that I am unhappy about the way she’s treating me and she says she can’t move past this but all I did was voice my opinion of being unhappy about how she’s treating me and she became aggressive And started yelling and that is when I reacted by engaging in the argument as I felt I had to defend myself.
She has now shut me out and refuses to communicate about it and has been very disrespectful towards me but at the same time says that she did not want this to happen but she has never made any attempt to stop it happening or control her behaviour.
She says one and does another constantly . She she is very contradictory in she says things but that is not what she’s doing and often she makes absolutely no sense when trying to come up with reasons to justify their abusive behaviour. She refuses to see the lack of basic logic in anything that she says or does.
What can cause a person to slowly become like this over a period of about two years?
I love my girlfriend very much, but this cannot continue and I do not know what to do about it. It has put me in the most frustrating situation I have ever seen where she will just flat refused to explain why she’s doing any of this and if she does finally give a reason it makes no logical sense whatsoever quite often even chronologically impossible
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To me it sounds like she has become dissatisfied with the relationship and wishes to end it but is afraid to do so for some reason.