I really, really, really don’t want to get married or have kids. I prefer being alone, if I’m spending time with anyone I’d prefer it be my family. But now I’m at an age where the question comes up so often as to when I’m going to get married or get into a serious relationship or whatever. I don’t want any of that. The idea of making that much room in my life for an entire new person is just beyond repulsive to me, and the idea of having a wedding makes me want to throw up. I hate being noticed or spoken to or about, and weddings are a situation where tons of attention are on and about you. But my parents keep asking the same questions and even though I keep giving the same answers they won’t aacept them. For a few years after I graduated I was able to brush that stuff off but at the age I’m at, it’s getting to a point now where a tiny part of me almost dreads having conversations with my parents, the two people I care most about in the world, because I know that this topic is going to come up at some point, every time. What do I do?
How to get my parents to accept that I don’t want to get married?
r/Advice
Comments
Stop letting them rewrite your story. Your worth isn’t tied to marriage or kids. Choose peace over pressure always.
Hey, OP. Totally feel ya, dude. Society likes 2 av a script for us all. Breakin’ free of that can be tough, esp when it’s ppl u care bout not gettin’ it. U gotta live your truth, man. Can be uncomfortable, but hey, your life, your rules. Stay firm, they’ll get it eventually. Good luck! 👊
I don’t suggest making other people’s emotional business a goal of yours, even though it’s of course more weighted when it’s your parents. You don’t need the acceptance to live your life. They can keep asking the same questions, you can keep giving the same answers. On them to accept them. You could say, “you can keep asking the same questions, but the answers aren’t changing”. Might not help much, but all you can do is try different things to see if you get a response that works better for you. That’s easier than trying to change people.
Don’t worry about “getting” them to accept anything. We can’t control what others think of us. You can politely tell them about your choice though you don’t owe an explanation to ANYONE. Your life is your business. Period end of story
It’s so painful when the people you love don’t accept your truth. You have every right to live life on your terms, and it’s okay to set boundaries, even with family. Maybe try sharing how their questions make you feel, not just what you want, so they see it’s about your happiness and peace. It’s your life, your choice, and you deserve to be respected for that. Stay strong.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for choosing to stay single. Your parents may never fully understand your decision, but that doesn’t make it any less valid. The key is consistency, politely shut down marriage conversations each time they arise, then redirect. With time and repetition, they’ll likely bring it up less often. Remember, your life choices aren’t up for debate, even with people you love. Stay true to what makes you happy.
If you are a woman there will come a time they stop asking
You have to sit down your parents that you haven’t met anyone that you wanna “get married to” or be with. Tell them that’s your happy on your own and that there is WAY more to life than getting married and having kids. I would also tell them that you are sick of repeating yourself and that you want them to stop meddling with your life and trying to ruin your peace / happiness. It is a hard conversation but you have to put them in their place. God forbid someone finds happiness in something that’s not marriage / kids. Our society needs to stop forcing the concept of marriage on everyone. I think it’s like 45-50% marriages end in divorce. Ultimately, I would argue that the purpose of life is to find HAPPINESS which you have so they need to show some respect. You have to be firm when you speak to them.
Stop having the conversation with them. Literally refuse to ever answer the question again — OR to explain why.
If you’re on the phone, the second the subject comes up, have an emergency come up and hang up. Every. Single. Time.
If you’re in person, ask a completely unrelated question. Every single time — like they didn’t ask you something. For extra points, if they keep trying to get you to discuss marriage/children or why you won’t engage, ask an unrelated question on a completely different subject after each question. Really random stuff.
If you’re in a group, just immediately excuse yourself. Don’t let them call you back.
If you are consistent, they WILL stop — though they will hate it and escalate before they do. You will have to be consistent. If you cave and answer their questions occasionally, you will actually be making them MORE persistent, not less so.
You’re an adult. You do not owe them marriage, kids, or conversation on the subject. Prepare ahead of time with questions. (They don’t even have to be ridiculous. You can ask about family members. Or work. Or health issues. …or things they absolutely do not want to talk about. “So how did you handle Dad’s affair when I was 13? I’d have been pissed.”)