I used to never feel guilty for having sex until my mom found out and shamed me when I was 19. She said once I had sex with men they lost interest. She was right, I didn’t end up marrying none of the guys who I was with. In fact if they ended up marrying other women and are living their best life. I practiced abstinence from sex for six years until I got with my current partner. We were intimate last night in my bed and guilt is consuming me. I feel like nothing will ever be the same. I even thought of shelf because I know that if we break up after being intimate, it would be like I was used all over again. This guilt has always chased me. Can’t even masturbate without feeling like I ruined my whole day, and guess after last night, I feel like I ruined my life.
How to not feel guilty after sex or masturbating
r/Advice
Comments
Guilt after sex is a lie you don’t have to believe. Own your pleasure because your worth is not tied to anyone else’s choices.
Just because it is your mom doesn’t mean she is right. There’s really no need to feel guilty about consensual sex.
Your mother was wrong. There is nothing wrong with enjoying safe sex with partners with no intention of them marrying you.
If YOU personally feel like you would prefer to wait for marriage when it comes to sleeping with someone thats a boundary you have to set for yourself. But you should not feel guilty. You should probably look into some therapy.
There could be a number of reasons why it didn’t work with the other guys you can’t put the blame on sex. If it didn’t work out with them it just means they weren’t the one for you maybe they didn’t connect with you emotionally or you had different views on life just enjoy your relationship and don’t stress over sex
That guilt ain’t yours, it’s hers. You’re not dirty for being human.
Your mom needs to mind her fucking business
If he leaves after sex that is nothing you did wrong. In fact I promise you never wanted someone like that in your life to begin with.
Oh gosh praying for you that’s all 🙏🏼
She’s not right. There are men out there who will like/love you and continue to be your partner. But if two people are not sexually compatible it will never work. We try the goods before we buy. Hell, it might not have even been the sex that left over, but something else about you. Get your mother out of your head, she has NO PART in your sexual relationships. I’m not suggesting you go out and sex every man you like, but when you do-enjoy it. It’s human nature. Even women can want a casual sexual encounter and it’s nothing to feel ashamed of. And masturbating? It feels GOOD for a reason!
Have you ever tried EMDR? It’s a technique you can do with a licensed therapist. It can help with overcoming past experiences that still affect you today. It has been hands down the most magical thing for me. Things that happened in the past that haunted me for decades don’t affect me at all anymore. That’s just my own experience but I know a lot of people have had great results with it. Just a suggestion I thought I’d throw out there!
Men who are worth your time don’t care about all that purity bullshit. I’m sorry your mom burdened you with all this shame- it’s completely unfair. You don’t lose value when you have sex or masturbate. You’re allowed to experience pleasure. I would recommend talking to your partner about these feelings so that you can both approach intimacy in a way that is comfortable and healing. It’s also important to remember that most of us go through a lot of romantic and sexual partners before we find the person we marry. It’s okay for things to not work out and if you mutually respected each other and enjoyed your time together, you weren’t used. Things just didn’t go the way that either party had planned. Keep your chin up and communicate. There is no amount of sex or masturbation that diminished your worth so you may as well allow yourself to experience pleasure in whatever way suits you.
When you were 19 you were already a year into adulthood. Whatever your mom thinks is irrelevant. Do what makes you happy
Sex therapy it’s therapy specific to sexual intimacy. Regular therapy may help too but i definitely recommend sex therapy.
Also just fyi real men don’t loose interest after sex, I hate to think that you actually believe that. Your mother just has a sh*ty view of men, ether due to her own personal experiences or watching a female family members experience ether way that’s her trauma talking not the truth.
I think the idea is not to jump in bed with all sorts of people. If you have a special person that’s ok. But I think it’s best to wait until there are real feeling between you both. If not, I’d wait. Guilt doesn’t help you. Being responsible will help you.
Why would you feel guilty after sex?!?! Unless it’s some down right monstrous filth.
seek therapy? both your mom and your exes have messed you up
Your mum shouldn’t have done that. Sex isn’t a bad thing, and sometimes people do move on after, but it’s got nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the person themselves.
Sex isn’t something to feel guilty over. It’s a normal part of life and the right person will make it feel safe and enjoyable. Hopefully your partner keeps making you feel that way after this.
Did you ever tell your partner how you’ve felt? Maybe have a chat with him about it and tel him what’s been going on. He might be able to help you if you trust him enough.
And there is nothing wrong with the rest of it either. The fact your mum made you feel like this suggests to me that she’s carrying some trauma that she dumped on you instead of dealing with. Don’t let her past ruin your future.
😂😂😂
As others have mentioned here, your mum has projected her views around sex on to you and she is wrong so that’s a really toxic thing for her to do to you. Please seek out therapy for your well being so that you can move forward with freedom for yourself, your body and you future intimate connections.
Consult a therapist to get past the Mom induced guilt. You don’t want to live with that. There’s absolutely no reason. And FYI, men don’t necessarily marry for sex, they marry because they’ve found someone who’s loving, trustworthy, and comfortable be with.
God has given you a conscience to guide you in choosing between good and evil. Choosing to no longer feel guilty for having done something that your conscience tells you is bad and egocentric is an indirect way of rejecting God, goodness, paradise and your eternal happiness. And quite obviously that on the contrary, by your choice and your desire to violate your conscience you rejected what is good for you and at the same time you chose what causes your unhappiness today and forever. It’s important to think carefully before making choices big or small. Because. Everyone has their conscience.
You don’t have to marry every guy you sleep with. And you most definitely don’t have to feel guilty about sleeping with any of your partners.
Get therapy
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex and honouring your desires!
Sex has been a sacred art for millions of years.
I used
To be so ashamed for having desires and so I suppressed it and it caused major problems in my life.
no matter how “happy”i was, sex was the key point of my actual fulfilment that i was missing.
Nurturing and expressing myself sexually has made
Me so much more confident😮💨
I don’t have a boyfriend but I’m so fucking glad I found someone who respects and does everything to fulfill my fantasies.
Honey,enjoy yourself,take advantage of your youth,be happy and most importantly nurture your desires.
Even if you don’t get married to the partner you’re with,WHO CARES!!!!
Is your mom married is the only question? Because maybe she’s alone just talking shit and hating.
Sometimes don’t have sex for a long time like a month-Due to work schedule and stuff. I don’t feel bad to do it myself though. I look at it as a medical condition that needs to be taken care of. It releases endorphins and is part of being a mammal on earth. Your mom sounds like she never had a big O and is trying to barter with it. Make sure you get One! 👍
Enjoy your release and don’t stay brainwashed by your mom’s words and bull anymore.
Plenty of women have had sex with and I continues to have sex, many, many times after the first.
The only time I felt guilty is if I masturbated and didn’t even attempt to get the woman off!
It sounds like you need some therapy or some close friends to confide in about your perspective on sex and help you shed some of this baggage you are carrying around.
These don’t sound like healthy attitudes towards sex that your mom has embedded into you. Its meant to be a mutually enjoyable, relaxing, fulfilling, pleasurable, bonding experience.
No one owes you a lifetime commitment cause they had sex with you. young adults are notorious for being very sloppy and immature in how they handle relationships especially once intimacy gets involved. Those relationships didnt fail because you had sex, they failed because in that phase of peoples lives they are often looking to explore different partners until they find the best long term fit. And they often don’t know what they want themselves, and aren’t mindful about how their actions impact others they are involved with. Don’t associate those decisions with guilt or shame or abandonment. People have vastly different views on sex and their perspective changes with age and experience.
You need to recalibrate your views on sex that are independent of your moms influence. Irresponsible, risky, unsafe sex is worthy of guilt and shame… but approaching it in a healthy manner and having a fulfilling sex life is something worth celebrating and should bring joy and positivity to your life.
The guilt is like crying over spilled milk. If you are looking for marriage, try to find a man that genuinely likes you and will be there for you. This is going to require that you know his true intentions. You have to get answers to the following questions:
How does treat women?
How does he react when you say no?
Is he loyal?<—- major reason for divorce
Do you share similar relationship goals?
Is a provider?
Is he good with his money <—- major reason for divorce
feeling guilt about pleasure? i get why fundamentally but the concept is wild. feel guilty for hurting yourself or others. having sex isn’t hurting you. masturbating definitely isn’t hurting you. it gives you pleasure.