My friend (“Hannah”) is bringing her young son on a weekend getaway with myself and 2 others (“Mary” and “Lisa”) from our friend group. Hannah has brought her son along twice before in past trips, and we kind of managed around it. The other three of us don’t have kids, and can technically socialize with one but…don’t really want to when it’s vacation, yknow? Last time we all took turns paying attention to him and helping keep him occupied, but understandably Mary was pretty annoyed after the fact that she didn’t get the peace and quiet she’d wanted from the trip.
This time, things are just… ×10 more complicated all around. Lisa has a medical boot, so we’ll be helping her with mobility and her stuff. Mary and I have each adopted dogs and are bringing them as kind of a “doggy vacay” and chance for them to socialize. Hannah is bringing her son again (I forget his age honestly, 10? 12?), but also HER dog, and also has been recently diagnosed with something wherein she’s not really supposed to over-exert herself. Basically, we all have our own sht to take care of on the trip, and frankly we’re dreading having to take over for her when a child and a dog inevitably becomes too much for her. Plus, Lisa’s out of commission, so we’re already going to have our hands full. None of these dogs have met each other yet, and we don’t want to leave them unattended together or put all the dog-sitting on one person.
We don’t want to uninvite her or make her feel like she’s not welcome. Being a single mom and having medical concerns shouldn’t mean she doesn’t get to have fun or be included. We’re just pretty sure she hasn’t thought this through (because that’s usually how she is) and it’s going to become our problem during an already logistically complicated trip. How best could we broach this with her? What even would be the solution?
(The actual intended purpose of the trip is for us to spend time in a more quiet nature-y setting outside the city, our dogs to socialize and explore, and for Lisa to chill and get some “animal therapy” because the boot and other stuff has her feeling pretty down rn).
Comments
It’s not rude to protect your peace this trip’s already a circus without a kid in the mix. Be honest say it’s about capacity not exclusion and ask if she can leave him home this time.
You can approach gently and suggest to send her kid to a camp and explain “it will help with socialisation” and that “children need this sort of things” or to a close relative that also has a kid. Then add that she’ll get a chance to relax too.
I feel bad for the kid, it sucks being the only kid clearly at an adult event, having to small talk with adults. I guess it kinda depends if she has the extra money/ resources for a babysitter. Its ok to make events dog and adult only, but this should have been said upfront, not late in planning. Have some vacations she can and can’t bring kid to.
I think you need to first figure out why she is bringing her son, because that’s not a typical expectation for a girls weekend. At his age, he’d probably prefer a sleepover with a friend, although would most likely ignore everyone in favor of his devices. Unless he’s actually younger, which he may be if he needs constant entertainment?
Have you asked Hannah how difficult it would be to find care for her son while you are away? His presence would definitely require the group to censor conversations, which is a valid reason to ask for him not to come.
The polite way to say so is “adults only trip”, but that won’t be enough, because most young parents insist on bringing their little hellspawn along. Things will have to go from “adults only, please”, to:
“No, REALLY, we want it to be adults only, and catch up with each other and not chase little Damien”
“No, we mean it, it’s YOU we want to see!”
“And the B&B isn’t child-proof… oh come on, Susan, you can come! We want to see YOU!”
“Well, Damien has a father and four grand parents and seven aunts and uncles, don’t tell me… oh some ON Susan, don’t cry, *please* come, we want to see you so badly…”
Her kid is an additional dog at this point. You have no idea if any of them are going to get along. He may actually be useful in helping care for the dogs.