Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 2 years and been engaged for 6 months. We are currently long distance due to me finishing university but we are meeting up at least every few months and spent time together during my breaks.
We were each other’s first time regarding sexual intercourse. We were both inexperienced so my first time hurt a lot. Now, every time we have sex I feel this anxiety and I am scared of feeling that pain I felt the first time. So scared that I can’t even fully enjoy intercourse anymore.
My partner has always put my needs first, saying he could ‘handle himself’ with his hand and that we don’t need to have sex if I don’t want to, but I do want to have sex. I’m just scared of that pain I felt and I don’t know how to enjoy it. He’s been trying everything to make me comfortable but I really feel like it has to do something with my mental.
I am currently on antidepressants and I am wondering if this could have anything to do with my decreased libido, since before that I was pretty horny. Now I rarely feel the need for sex and when I do I’m just scared of the pain. I want to satisfy my partner.
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Get professional help or One of those ” sex Specialists “.
Or just stick with your doctor and talk about it
Hi! Sex actually isn’t supposed to be incredibly painful, even on your first go.
If you were adequately prepared (re: wet) and you still experienced that kind of pain, you may be due for a visit to the OBGYN (good practice if you’re sexually active anyway).
You may have vaginismus, endometriosis, or something else funky with your pelvic floor.
Yeah, antidepressants taking away all the libido is pretty common sadly.
You need patience and working on your issues to get off the meds asap.
Sounds like vaginismus, I had this from some sexual trauma, it affected my sex life for years. You need to see a doctor, I had to practice inserting a vibrator on myself and trying to relax. It took a long time, but eventually it got better.
Intercourse shouldn’t be painful to that extent. First thing you should try is some over-the-counter lubricant. It should make things better for both of you.
If the issue is persistent, even with a generous application of lube, a doctor is a good call. There are plenty of treatable, common conditions that you could be suffering from and not even know it.
If your issue is that you’re having anxiety about how painful it WAS, and that it is no longer really painful – that’s different. Try to slow down a little bit in the bedroom, tell him to let you take the lead, and go at your own pace. Build some good experiences and learn how your body reacts and how slowly or quickly you enjoy things without any discomfort.
If the anxiety doesn’t diminish it’s possible you may want to talk to a professional about those feelings. They can stem from all sorts of unexpected places.