How to set my boundaries as a grown woman?
So I am a 40 years old grownup who doesn’t know how to stand up for herself. I am pretty shy, and don’t like confrontation with people (Asian family). Because when I try to say no or pushing back, others always get mad at me and telling me they know what is the best for me. So I always just nodding and being quiet. But I will crying my eyes out whenever I am alone bcz they will yell at me for being weak. I feel like I can’t do anything without them telling me that I did something wrong. And this apparently happened to my work colleagues as well. For example, one girl who always criticizing my clothes, hair and facial expressions; and lecture me about how to. My strategy so far is running away from them, but I can’t escape them entirely.
I don’t consider myself as a weak person, I am pretty confident whenever I am alone or with people who love me with respect. I enjoy workout especially boxing, and I always trying to understand others struggles and see from their perspective.
Recently, my family has hijacked my phone and texts my online match, and ruined my date. I have been crying for the whole weekend. I know it’s my fault for letting them take over my life, bcz I am not a kid anymore. Anybody can give me some words of wisdom please?
Comments
You’ve let them script your life for too long; it’s time to flip the narrative. Set boundaries like your life depends on it because your peace, dignity, and future happiness absolutely do.
I grew up in a home that encouraged saying yes to doing things. As an adult I’m trying to figure out when I want to say no and follow through. It’s tough, not everyone is happy with it, but that’s the choices I get to make in life. And to no offense, maybe standing up and saying no will make your parents not view you as a kid, but if it’s cultural it could vary to each. And if saying no isn’t enough, I’d create some space
Realize that it’s YOUR life and you make the rules for yourself
I had to start small. Person would say or do something and I would have to come back to talk to them about it the next day. With lots of practice I’ve been able to work that delay down to minutes. Person was being quite abrasive and demeaning to me the other day and I shocked myself by saying to them “don’t talk to me like that” right then and there. They stopped and apologized on the spot too.
Tell them that’s it’s great they want what’s best for you, but what’s truly best for you is living your own life and making your own decisions right or wrong. And for your coworkers I usually hit em with a “you just worry about what you’re doing and I’ll worry about what the fuck I’m doing”