I’ve never been the best or the smartest academically. In high school I barely studied for my GCSEs I only started preparing a few weeks before the exams and failed almost all my mock tests. I still managed to get A’s and A*s, but I didn’t care much back then.
it all started when I entered university. I’m majoring in Computer Science, and for the first time I truly care about my education. I study hard I practice and I put in the effort but I still struggle. I keep failing classes or getting disappointing grades, and it’s crushing. It feels like the more I try, the worse I do. Ironically, when I used to put in little effort, I performed better. Now l’ve started tying my entire self-worth to my academic results. Every failure makes me feel worthless, dumb, and hopeless.
Since senior year of high school, my mental health has been declining. Now in my fourth year of university, I experience near daily panic attacks sometimes so intense that I faint. There’s more going on beneath the surface that I struggle to explain. I’m no longer functioning the way I used to. I feel broken. I’ve lost my spark and passion. I don’t enjoy talking to my friends and even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming. I’ve become isolated constantly procrastinating and lacking motivation. I sought professional help and was prescribed medication for anxiety and depression but it only made things worse.
i literally have nothing going on in my life other than university, i’m going through some other issues in my life and losing loved ones . but i have nothing going on i barely hang out with my friends and i keep distancing myself from them bc i genuinely can no longer be around anyone.
I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. I just want to feel at peace even if it’s only for a few seconds i can’t keep doing this im so tired
Comments
Your world is caving in, and you’re carrying it alone like it’s nothing. When even breathing feels like a battle and your heart won’t stop racing, that’s not weakness, that’s survival.
I’m unsure what resources are available but counseling might help if accessible for you. If you recognize that a lot of your self worth is tied into your grades I think that’s the best place to start. Maybe you need to create more in your life outside of school work. I know it’s hard, but perhaps friends and company is what you need. People around you that can remind you, you are fun to be around. Even if you didn’t get the grade you had worked for. People that can remind you you have more going on and to offer.
Either way, remember nothing changes over night. When we start to change there’s good days and bad days. That means you’re on the right track.
GCSE’s are a whole different ballgame than Uni work. You’re clearly intelligent if you got A’s and A* back then with minimal effort, but they’re a lot easier than the work you’re doing now.
I’d seek professional help. I’m assuming you’re in the uk based on GCSE’s being mentioned. NHS waiting lists suck but there’s organisations like Mind that have resources available and can help get you seen faster.
Anxious brains don’t learn well. It’s just the same as saying a broken leg doesn’t run well. It’s physiological. Please see a doctor to get that under control, and then you’ll be able to do better in your courses.
You are intelligent. You couldn’t have made all As in your GCSEs without hardly even doing the work if you were not capable of learning quickly. University is harder than high school, but not that much harder. If you’ll get some treatment for your anxious brain, you’ll be okay.