hey all, how do i manage loneliness when my boyfriend wants to go do his own thing?
we have been together almost 4 years, he’s an amazing guy and spends a lot of his time and nights with me but sometimes when he doesn’t, i get super anxious, upset and lonely and feel that he doesn’t value me, cause if he did he would spend the time with me. i understand 100% this is not a healthy way of thinking, lately all our fights and arguments have been because of me thinking he doesn’t love me, which only strains our relationship more. i just feel like i can’t get out of my head and i over analyze everything that he does and look for reasons on why he might leave me or proof in his actions that he doesn’t love me. i was never like this before, i went cold turkey on my antidepressants and ever since then i feel anxiously attached and obsessed with him. please help me and tell me how to rewire my brain, i don’t want to ruin my relationship anymore over my anxious thoughts.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You stopped your meds just like that even when that is clearly stated as something you should NEVER do? Did you have therapy and stop that too?
Hey, first breath. I can feel you getting anxious while reading this 😭. You just need to find the things or hobbies that you enjoy doing or will make you happy. Since you’ve mentioned about being anxiously attached how about seeking professional help and going to therapy?
You say this all started when you went off your antidepressants so the obvious solution. I really recommend talking to your doctor about going back on. You know it’s unhealthy to expect him to not spend time with friends and I think you know it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. But. Your brain doesn’t get the message and the anxiety sends you into a tailspin that is eventually going to make your fears come true. Nobody can be your everything. Get back on the meds. Make an effort to get out of your comfort zone and join groups or volunteer or anything that you can do that doesn’t include him. Start with your doctor.
You don’t need to focus on changing your loneliness or anxious thoughts. Loneliness is just a feeling, it will arise and then it will pass. No need to try to avoid it so bad, it is what it is.
It’s like if you really want a coca cola but you’re on a diet. There’s no point in trying not to want a coca cola, if you want one you want one. What you should focus on is not having one, despite the fact that you want it. And the good thing is that as long as you stick it out, time is on your side. If you don’t have one, you’re not going to be thinking of coca cola three hours later, because all desires subside after a while. Then after a while the desire shows up again, then you wait it out again. It’s exactly the same thing with the desire for reassurance from your boyfriend.
So basically, don’t try to manage the insecurity, just recognize it for what it is, have a friendly attitude towards it but don’t obey the the impulses.
Much love
Genuinely seek therapy, do your own thing with your mates, or on your own, maybe. And try breathing this post seemed panicked and rushed some what.