When someone is there beside me for any reason or work, I speak to them way too much. My mouth doesn’t stop talking , and mos of it is nonsense or unimportant.
I do it because I think that the other person is feeling bored or feel bad because of silence, and it is my responsibility to keep them entertained. I know it’s stupid, and I’m struggling with it. What advice would you give me so that I stop doing it?
Comments
Stop drinking caffeinated beverages
Ask them questions. Let them talk. And don’t ask questions to set yourself up to give your answer. Wait until they ask you a question.
I don’t know if this applies or if I even remember correctly but I learned in DV therapy how powerful it is to pause for a second and simply say to yourself stop
Try to remember that silence is often more comfortable than forced conversation. Body language is key. Is the person you’re engaging averting eye contact? Are they crossing their limbs or fidgeting? Are their responses short and closed? If the answer is yes to any of those questions, leave them alone.
ETA: introverts do not appreciate “being entertained” lol
You start small by first recognizing every time that you feel the need to fill the air come up. Then take a deep breath and find methods to ground yourself. Then maybe talk to them anyway afterwards. The more you become aware of it and the anxiety it provokes, the more you can stop it in the future. It’s not your job to fill the air for someone else 🙂
Usually I add in a self-deprecating joke just to gauge if that person wants me to stop, like “if I’m talking to much, just tell me to shut up” or “don’t let me keep talking, I won’t stop.”
Dear OP, you might be the sweetest person in the world but I would be utterly miserable sitting next to you. I am a big fan of friendly silence. I promise you that whatever is going on in my head is way more interesting than anyone’s Smalltalk or inane chatter.
If you have any genuine questions, or need to get something off your chest I am perfectly fine btw. I like helping people, I am not a monster. But life is too short for lip flapping.
Why don’t you ask people if they prefer to chat or silence? And learn to read their body language. If they look away as soon as you stop talking, they are only listening out of politeness.
Me an introvert:
I am a teacher and I had the same problem in the teachers’ room. During my no class hours, I usually listen to audiobooks on my phone with earbuds. Or just be busy on my phone.
I have ADHD and struggle so bad with this lmao. Honestly the only thing that helps me is either isolating myself in a corner of the office or putting in earphones and listening to music