So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 3 months and when getting to know eachother we where telling eachother what our red and green flags where, I told her I wasn’t really into party girls and was really looking for someone who I could settle with and have a nice home life with, she told me she’s not a party girl at all (which I expected since she’s 30 with a little girl) but I’ve since realised that that’s not the case, considering she was hungover the day we met, she’s been out partying 4 times the past month, she’s already planning her next night out this month and she’s going to her first rave next month and told me she’s going to try pills for the first time with her friends… this isn’t really my scene any more. Could anyone help me with advice on how to go about this or bring up in conversation please? Thanks.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
you should be direct with her, if she loves you she’ll support you
You basically just sit down with her and explain to her what she originally told you. Tell her that her actions isn’t matching her words but be ready to just walk away if there no solution here. If she likes to party then she likes to party that’s just her personality.
Dude, she lied. Bail before you start getting feelings for the kid and don’t want to leave the child alone with someone who clearly isn’t adulting, indeed seems to be de-adulting. I see CPS in her future (and yours if you stay)
I don’t like where this is headed…
In some respects, it could just be that you two have different ideas as to what a party girl means. Going out 5-6 nights in a 3 month span hardly makes a party girl in my mind.
Now that being said, introducing something like pills into her evening repertoire is definitely something worth having a larger discussion on. I personally wouldn’t want my partner partaking in those types of substances and it could very much be a deal breaker for me.
All you can do is have a direct conversation. It sounds like for a 3 month relationship, you two just aren’t aligned and it may be best to just walk away.
Move on and don’t waste your time.
[removed]
Don’t know about you, but a parent to a young child wanting to experiment with drugs is a total no-go for me.
I think it is not a lost case, but you need to express your concerns very clearly and set some rules.
It is great that she “plan” the party, so at least it is not that she is letting you know 2 hours before that she is leaving for a night. I think that if you have it planned and agreed it is absolutely fine for one to go and drink and dance as much as they want.
Set rule about how many weekends she will spend parting a month, maybe it would be OK with her to go out just once per month – I think it is reasoable, and if she wants to go out more often it is fine as well, but she would need to promise to not drinking/drink very little on those extra nights out.
Socialiazing outside is a good thing, but drinking every weekend is not. Her having friends and spending time with them is super cool, but her comming back drunk in the middle of the night is not.
Make sure that when you talk to her you are not controlling and show her that you are happy with her having her life, you only don’t want to deal with drunk, of drugged her. Which again is fine as long it is planned and you are informed and it is not so frequent.
She needs to know that you support her in her being herself, but you have a hard stop when it comes to alkohol and drugs being a part of daily life
Yall probably just had different definitions of what partying is, especially since yall have only been together for three months
Stop dating single mothers.
You’re 24. You have your entire life ahead of you. Do you really want to spend it with a single mother, party ‘enthusiast’, who is 6 years older than you and wants to start doing hard drugs? Is that really the basket you want to put all your eggs in?
You don’t owe her a relationship. If you’re no longer interested you don’t need to give her an explanation or justify your actions. You’re allowed to leave for whatever reason you want, whenever you want. If you simply don’t want to be with her anymore that’s okay
If you’d been together for years I’d have said sit down and have a talk about it. Considering you’ve been together for 3 months, I’d probably just say you’re incompatible and to just move on. I wouldn’t try to get a guy to change for me after a few months. I’d always not be thrilled about a parent wanting to experiment with drugs tbh.
She likes to party, you don’t like that- So go find someone who actually doesn’t party?
Why do people always want others to change to fit their standards? Just tell her you aren’t into that again and find someone who meets your standards.
She doesn’t have intentions of slowing the party down if she wants to start taking pills. You guys just don’t seem very compatible here.
Move on also the age gap is a huge problem as well