I feel deflated because I thought we were close, but now we barely talk. It seems like they’re pulling away, and that distance has made me stop trying too. It’s disappointing and a little sad to realize the connection isn’t what I thought it was.
We were once so close — in each other’s weddings, sharing so much time and life. I thought the bond ran deep, but now I’m realizing maybe it didn’t mean as much to her as it did to me. It feels like she’s slowly pulled away, and I’m left mourning a friendship that maybe only I fully believed in. I can’t shake the feeling that she doesn’t really like me, not in the way I hoped, and the rare check-ins or kind words feel more like breadcrumbs than real connection. It’s hard to accept that someone you invested so much in might never have truly seen you the same way.
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I’m really sorry, this is so hard. I have two friendships where this happened. I was the MOH in the wedding of my best friend of 15+ years. Then I had a big religious deconstruction and politic pivot and now we aren’t friends anymore. We had a number of disagreements in 2020-2021 that caused some tension and distance, but when I tried rekindling she ghosted me. I’m still morning that friendship—I have yet to find someone like her.
My other friend and I met in college. I was in her wedding too, and we kept in pretty close touch till she started having kids. I totally get that kids make life crazy and bandwidth limited, but over the past year she basically disappeared. I’ve initiated a few casual check ins, but they are short lived and sometimes go unanswered. It sucks hard.
Not sure what else to say except I feel you and this is a really difficult situation. It happens to the best of us. Give yourself space to mourn the friendship, while also recognizing that this will give you a bit of space to open yourself up to more reciprocal connections.
I don’t know her or you, but I’ve been in similar situations and my advice would be not to mourn it. People go in and out of phases. She might have a lot going on right now. You guys might re-click later. If you let it fester in your heart, it really will sour.
Of course, you know the situation better than I do. She really could be pulling away. But I have a friend who I used to talk to every day, and sometimes we go through a phase where we don’t talk for months. But then we relink later. It’s been like this for the whole decade I’ve known her. If I start getting upset or feeling betrayed, the next time we reconnect I know I come off a little prickly.
I think, if this is someone you love deeply, continue to love her deeply, but don’t put all your personal eggs in her basket. Continue to love her for everything you’ve shared and everything you may yet still share. Find other people to connect with and let her drift a bit.
Just my 2 cents. Don’t assume she doesn’t like you. You were literally in her wedding. People don’t invite people they don’t like to be in their weddings.
Edit: dunno why someone downvoted this, it’s very middle of the road advice and I acknowledged that it’s painful. Sometimes being sensitive is amazing because you can have deep deep connections with people, but sometimes sensitive people also wallow too hard in their own pain and can’t accept change. It’s good to acknowledge the hurt but ultimately not wallow in it too long.
I had to cut off a friendship like that. Hurts to know that they pretended to care like you. It’s better to cut them off then to keep feeling dissapointed.
The friends I was close to at 30 are all but gone now.
Life has ages and stages, if we’re very lucky we get to ride them all out with the same people, but it doesn’t often work that way
I judge on whether they ever text me first
Have you tried talking to her about it? I guess I don’t understand why when you’re feeling hurt and have a lot of questions…why not just ask? If she does just want to move on, at least you’ll have closure. Otherwise you’re just wondering and further dragging out your pain. It seems like a bit of masochism to me
Friendships change and people change.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I’ve ended friendships for this reason, but I’ve definitely taken a few steps back and enjoyed space away.
Ex: friend 1 developed a drinking problem but lied about it for years. We live far away from each other and I soon realized her local friends were the “let’s have fun” friends and I was the friend for when things sucked. That gets exhausting, and it’s hard to be excited about texts or phone calls when I know it’s going to be a “woe is me” drama dump.
Friend 2 also has a drinking problem and while she didn’t get DUIs like friend 1, it’s made friend activities pretty much insufferable. Everyone’s annoying when they’re drunk (and hey, I get drunk too), but when she’s getting blackout drunk every time, she repeats the same stories and asks the same questions over and over again in one setting. Then maybe we have a non drinking hang out, great! Except, she’s telling the same stories and asking the same questions she did as when she was blackout drunk bc she doesn’t remember it. Next hang out, blackout drunk again and it’s the same dialogue all over again bc she doesn’t remember the sober conversations. It’s like being friends with an NPC. Shes acknowledged she has a problem and she’s an adult. I’ve worked through my own issues as well and I can’t force her to change, but I can choose how I spend my free time, so 🤷🏻♀️ sucks, but I don’t have control over other people’s actions. And she also has her “fun” local friends and I only get reached out to when things are crappy. She has a therapist (who I think she withholds things from), and I’m not her dang therapist!
Maybe she’s dealing with some shit? It hurts sometimes, but it’s not always about you. I have some friends we don’t talk for a couple years and pick back up, or just send memes to each other. Lives diverge.