sorry for long post, i have no one in my real life i can speak to about this, TLDR : unhappy in relationship with emotionally unavailable bf, only staying bc im insecure and i know he’s loyal and loves me, i don’t know when to keep fighting or just let go 🙁
me (22f) and my boyfriend (25m) have been together for about a year and a half, we have not had a great relationship and a part of me feels unhappy with him. our relationship took a bad turn in november when he initially broke up with me when we became long distance and began this sort of ‘situationship’ where we weren’t dating but also stayed together bc he didn’t want to lose me. he told me he didn’t need much time and his excuse was bc he wasn’t in the right headspace and he wanted to treat me better. I know he has never cheated and is very loyal and loves me (which are reasons i find it difficult to walk away). I was very heartbroken by the breakup so me being emotional immature didn’t handle things well, however i think being broken up with vs breaking up are very different experiences and he likes to compare how we approached things to one another. I know i have hurt him, but some things i did were reactions to him, and i have a hard time seeing what he did to me on his own vs what i did because of him as the same.
during the break i constantly asked for space and time and he essentially kept promising and eventually pushing getting back together bc ‘he knew i would’ve walked away if he didn’t have a date set’ I eventually grew a lot of resentment as when i tried to be closer and he’d still be mean, he’d be selfish and turned the blame onto me (i was abusive for bringing up his past, i haven’t moved on, i wont give him a chance, i changed, we could’ve gotten back together if i didn’t ask for space)
it’s been maybe 2-3 times i’ve blocked him but i eventually unblock, he reaches out to me we get back together. Still, a part of me feels owed for how he treated me in the past.
Nowadays he feels very selfish and mean, he’s called me too sensitive, is emotionally closed off still bc i make him uncomfortable, pushes me away, abandons me and recently i feel like i can’t communicate anything i need or want bc if it doesn’t align with his desires or views it’s not true or it won’t happen. I feel like even after our breakup i’ve sacrificed and done so much for him and i can’t even get anything i want, especially bc he gets upset that the more i ask for things the less he wants to do them (love letters, playlists, calls, gifts) I worry constantly about making him upset bc he becomes so hard to talk to, he gets so emotional and walled off and eventually mad and dismissive. to the point i don’t enjoy playing video games with him bc of how he can be.
I just have such low self esteem and i feel like he’s the best i can find, and i will never find genuine love even if all i fantasize about these days is being in love with a sweet guy. he was once so sweet so nice to me and all i hold onto is how he was and that image of our future. i just don’t know if it’s my fault for being so emotionally immature and i have to keep working and growing or walk away 🙁
Comments
I almost don’t even want to read the whole body of this post because i can tell you right now that if your partner is emotionally unavailable and you’re only staying because you’re insecure THERE IS NOTHING TO FIGHT FOR. What is “fighting” in this situation? Begging him to become what you need? constantly being miserable so that you can sustain this thing that hurts you?
Like literally what does “fighting for it” mean to you and what has “fighting for it” looked like and yielded you so far?
It sounds like “fighting for it” just means “fighting while in it” and that’s not actually going to get anyone anywhere.
>i feel like he’s the best i can find
ok but… he SUCKS. you would rather be in a relationship with someone who is MEAN TO YOU than just… be alone? Respectfully, that’s RIDICULOUS.
Your mental health and your self esteem are only SUFFERING when the person who is supposed to be your confidant and partner and best friend is like… actively shitting on you every day.
And frankly, i dont think you’ll have room to mature emotionally if you stay in this stunting and toxic situation. you two will just drag one another down until you’re at the ends of your rope and then you’ll have so much damage to work through, you’ll be miserable.
Bounce now, get into therapy, figure yourself out, and don’t look back.
you are 22 years old: there’s so much time you have and so many men. Don’t stay in a relationship because where you’re unhappy because you’re scared of being alone.
Are you really 22? Because you speak like someone much younger.
I’m gonna give you some tough love. If your unhappy in a relationship break up. It’s as simple as that, you need to be able to make life decision based on what your head tells you, not your heart or emotions.
Staying with someone just because you know they love you is an absolute joke. You know a relationship is toxic when you’re blocking and u blocking each other constantly.