Genuine question: I’m (30f) recently single after being with one person for 10 years. I’ve already slept with 5 people since and I don’t like one night stands but a lot of these men are bad in bed.
I really don’t want to settle but like how do you try to find out how they’re going to be before trying it? I’m so sick of having to try it out, the experience being sub par, then needing to find someone else and hope they’ll be better all the while having the body count go up and up.
Serious genuine question, can you tell beforehand if they’ll be good? What should I be looking out for?
Comments
How they kiss and dance.
Kissing & if they care about in general making you feel good and comfortable in any other way this will show if they will be that way in bed.
Also sex is better the more emotional you are in a relationship and the longer you know someone
If sex is really important to you, then talk about it in advance, even if it’s just casual. See if they can articulate what it is they like and don’t like in bed, and it’s also on you to be able to articulate what you like and don’t like. Of course there should be chemistry and attraction.
And even then, you won’t ever fully know until you try it. But I’ve found way more good sex than bad sex, and for me talking about it in advance has helped with that.
They’re quiet achievers. If they brag about their skills ahead of time, they’re going to be crap. If they make no mention of them, usually they’re good because they don’t have a need to talk up their skills
First of all, a “body count” is not a thing and you’ll have a hard time enjoying casual sex generally if some part of you thinks a score is being kept.
Otherwise, I go off energy. It’s not really easy to put into words but there’s something electric between you and a person there’s chemistry with. I’ve had mostly good to great sex for the past 6-7 years, and I attribute it to 1. being comfortable with my feelings around being a sexual being, 2. being genuinely attracted to the people I hook up with (beyond physicality, confidence is a big part of this for me), 3. paying attention to the vibe I get, like are we flirty and do we have good banter, do I wanna be touching them, do they make me feel comfortable and at ease (laughing is a good sign of this) and 4. ensuring I feel respected by them and that they’ve demonstrated some level of being generous beforehand.
If all those boxes are checked, usually size is the only thing that can throw it off and there’s no way to control for that in advance (unless you’re the type to request pics lol)
You can’t really tell in advance. Also, sometimes the first time can be really awkward and bad. That is normal. With communication and comfort it can get better but usually that’s for relationships that want progression vs. casual sex.
Are you having sex on the first date? Are you just throwing them off as bad in bed after sleeping with them once?
Look out for good kissers and men who are good communicators. Also, since being out of a relationship recently, did you take any time for yourself to reflect on what you want?
If they are attentive to you and a good dancer. Or at least can hold a rhythm