You liked her looks, personality, compatibility and everything and you thought that you’ll never find someone as good as her after losing her. how true was it?
How true was the feeling that you’ll never find someone as good as her?
r/AskMen
You liked her looks, personality, compatibility and everything and you thought that you’ll never find someone as good as her after losing her. how true was it?
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The ‘I’ll never find anyone like her’ feeling? Total lie your loneliness tells you. I know that now.
Never. I refuse defeatist attitudes or anything that is a roadblock to my happiness. Focus on the people who focus on you.
Turns out i wasn’t giving myself enough credit.
I found someone better.
Good girls are like Yao Ming. Even if they’re 1 in a million, there are hundreds more where that one came from.
Well….I found someone better looking, more fun and kinder and a much better person then my ex.
The only problem. Was my ex was a sex addict. My Fiancée is the furthest thing from a sex addict. I was hoping to find someone to match my sex drive but my Fiancee doesn’t do it for me at all.
Now I would never leave her. She fits all my checkmarks for who I want in a wife other than the sex part. She still has sex with me but it’s a big chore to get her worked up for it and she isn’t so keen to try new things. I would rather get a RL sex doll to pound with her permission instead of leaving her.
It turns into a self fulfilling prophecy. If you think you’ll never find someone as good, then you stop looking for the good in anyone else.
It’s never true. There is always someone better for you out there.
That’s 100% true of the wife. We’ve grown old together. We have a family. If something happens to her, I’m done. I’m good.
There’s always another one right around the corner. Dozens. Hundreds.
So… not true at all.
Not true. Each one is different but there are tons of good options out there if you filter properly.
Not true at all. There have been several women that have come into my life that absolutely blew “the one” right out of the water.
The inexperience of youth blinds us of future potential. Reflecting back now, chasing the one would have been settling.
It wasn’t.
It changes with time. Sometimes it creeps up on me but most days I realize and accept now that I was settling in ways I shouldn’t have had to.
Date enough people and you realize that most people are only on that pedestal because you put them there in the first place. Get to know enough people and you can just start appreciating them as the imperfect, flawed, wonderful beings that they are.
I found So many more better than her. I won’t lie and say she wasn’t absolutely engraved on my sould tho. What I realized was that I didn’t love or respect myself. I put all of my happiness in her hands. The turnaround for me happened when I realized the situation was falling apart, and every phone call felt like the last. I ripped the bandaid off and stopped answering. It was painful on many levels. Then one day I looked around and realized I built a better me after I stopped. It didn’t take long before the ladies seemed to find out too
Its all bullshit. There is always someone bettee, just have to keep the door open
youll never find someone who makes you feel the same. but as good ? 100% false. and its a delusion that only lives as long as you let it.
I’ve felt the “I’ll never find anyone else as good as her” feeling a few times in my life. I was wrong every time. My entire dating life has been a series of increasingly attractive, intelligent, kind, and accomplished women.
I’m pretty sure it was mostly a matter of not giving myself enough credit. When I was younger, I thought I had to settle for what I could get. As I matured, I realized it was totally fine to reach “out of my league,” and sometimes it even worked.
And now I’m married to the best woman I’ve ever met. I really think I won’t ever find anyone as good as her, and I’ll never need to.
I’ve learned that this feeling is a sign that I’ve been completely emotionally compromised. I’ve felt this feeling many times and each time was because I fell into an insecure rabbit hole of believing I was not worthy of love, just absolutely lucky that my partner made the mistake of loving me, and thus I needed to do everything possible to prevent her from figuring out how much I suck and leaving.
Insecurities suck, overcoming them is a great feeling though. Never invest yourself with someone this desperately, the real rewarding relationships are the ones where you know that you BOTH would do just fine if it ended, but choose to stay together in spite of that.
Usually I’d say that’s absolute nonsense, but absolute statements are rarely true. I mean, if you cheated on a good partner or something then yeah, you probably won’t find someone as good as them.
Completely untrue, I found someone much better.
Well I’ve had a hell of a time finding someone at all, so I’d say it’s been pretty true so far.
That’s just self criticism and doubt. It passes like every other feeling. The more I focused on my own self-worth my more I realize I’m not trying to find someone as good as her. I’m looking for someone who adds to my life.
That feeling is usually not true at all
In Jungian psychology this is known as the “Anima Projection”.
We are not actually attracted to that person. We were attracted to the idea of that person, who represents the “ideal feminine” (our Anima) in our psyche.
Not true at all. Sure, i loved that we loved the same music and saw things mostly the same, but when someone can’t help themselves around other dicks, the love fades fast.
So today i’m happily married and try to not think about that other woman. 😉
I’ve had several women say “no other woman is going to put up with you” just to find several women that will raise hell over me. It’s funny that some women believe they are the only one that likes a guy. Women like men that other women like. Some women will look out for themselves. I’ve dated several women that were friends. I can always find someone to put up with my bullshit. Wife has been doing it 12 years and says my good greatly outweighs my bad.
If she was that “good” …ALSO means good for you specifically, then you wouldn’t have lost her.
30 years later 100% true. But if that’s what you tell yourself, and I very much did, it’s not really a surprise when things turn out that way. Self fulfilling prophecy, 100%.
One of the things that kept me in my relationship with my ex was the belief there was nobody else out there for me.
I was wrong. Turned out I’d already met the one who was out there for me. I just didn’t realize it at the time.
Not even a little bit.
0%
> as good as her
That should read in all your minds as: “as good as I thought she was”
This is all about your idea of who she was, not some objective notion of fitness.
I will never find anyone like her, but the wisdom is that I don’t need somebody like her. Each person is unique, and you click in unique ways. I was utterly devastated when she wanted to leave, but a few months later it’s not that deep anymore.
It wasn’t true at all. I found someone who was better pretty much immediately. If anything, I started wondering how I was into the original person in the first place
Not true. Those are just lessons
Scarcity mindset, it was never true! There are many women like that.
things will never be the same, but they will be different
There’s ALWAYS someone better. If you’re clinging to her thinking otherwise you’re missing out.
If the person was everything your brain made them out to be, they’d still be with you and you’d be happily in love
It’s just rose colored glasses
You delude yourself into thinking they are the best you will ever possibly have…but that’s just not reality
I have a couple of those women in my past…where I felt just like this after losing them
Lets just say…I dodged some Cruise Missle Sized Bullets and no longer wax poetic about our time together
I probably could if I wanted to but I ain’t gonna throw away what I got to look for someone better. I like what I have!
Everyone is replaceable.
I never found anyone after. I’m just alone
Gotta say, as a dude going through a breakup with the best I’ve had yet, these responses are surprisingly hopeful. Maybe I will find someone better in every way. She was pretty hot though, just 0 accountability.
Felt like this multiple times. Now I think I wont find someone as bad as her.
Whenever I start feeling like this, I think back to how I was feeling during the actual relationship. And then I remember there was a reason I couldn’t spend more than a couple days with her at a time, or how for months the relationship had me burnt out.
Even now I’m feeling this. But I know it’s because of a little bit of loneliness and not having sex for a while. It’ll pass. I know she and I were not gonna be good for each other long-term.
Losing love feels like that because you’ve gotten used to that person, and your usual routes for finding comfort ar through that person, who is now gone.
If you’re young (under 40) then you’re very likely to find someone better with a little effort.
It’s fine, I am married to her.
I mean, it’s only been a little bit but personally for me it’s definitely true because I’m not looking for anyone, and I certainly wouldn’t find anyone better. No, she was the one. Ah well.
It was one of the biggest lies I ever conjured in my monkey little brain.
That’s kinda wild cause I feel like I pick partners better and better after each one
As long as you’re keeping track of what you liked about your last partner and what was a bad fit I struggle to see how this would be true
Unless of course you’re dating just to not be alone and picking whoever is even loosely interested in you, in which case I can completely see how this could be true
Had this same thought after my first serious relationship, then again after some failed flings.
Point is, you can find someone as good as the last person, if not better.
I found someone much better and we’re now married, so no the feeling was not true at all. It’s just your insecurity
When I first started dating my ex, my entire life up to that point had been as the “best friend,” “like a brother,” etc. So being noticed at all was rare. And she was stunning and smart and cool and everything I wanted. So yeah, I immediately thought “I’ll never find anyone half as good ever again.” But by the time we split, that feeling was long gone. It just took some years of learning all the ways she wasn’t everything I wanted (she was still great, just not for me) before I could see that.
I remember after a breakup telling my older brother that I’d never find another girl like her.
and his response?
“That’s the point, she fucking sucked dude”
I didn’t find someone as good as her. I found someone better.
I’ve lived in a lot of different cities and people ask what the best was. But it’s not just about the city but also who I was at the time. Even the cities have changed so much they are unrecognizable. My answer is always that a given city was great for me at the that time of my life and and it’s time of development. Exactly the same thing with partners, she may have been perfect for you then but neither you or she is the same person any more and there are other partners for who you have become now.
It’s never true.
There’s billions of women on the planet, why would you want to tie yourself to the one that treated you so badly to begin with?
I’ll never find anyone else like her and I am so thankful for that fact every day.
And if I did? I’d keep walking.
While it’s true that you will never find the exact same person, this is not a good way of thinking. You’ve had a good time together, but are no longer together. Which means as “good” as that person is, you were just not compatible in the end for whatever reason. So that’s no good not useful to you anymore to hold a thought of how good you used to have it. It will only make you stuck in a loop of lamenting, causing you to miss opportunities.
We have billions of people on this planet. Odds are you can find someone better and that will want to be with you. A Billion is a massive number of people. Even if you’re only compatible with 0.1% of a billion people, that’s still a million people!
It is delusion.
It’s really Schrodinger‘s feeling lol. You don’t know if it’s true until it either happens or never happens I guess.
That being said I’ve heard of so many people having this feeling, and yet they always feel like they’ve upgraded in the very next relationship they are in. Like almost always. So that’s gotta tell you something.
That “almost” is for a reason though. One dude I know, his gf broke up with him 5 years ago and he’s still constantly talking about her about how she’s the one that got away. She really messed him up.
I’ve (48m) dated a lot and found that all the women I’ve dated were just good matches at best. It wasn’t until I met my current GF that I found a match that’s as perfect as it can get between two humans. Considering how low the odds were of finding a match like this, I think I’d just have loose relationships if this relationship didn’t work out.
It depends on what you are willing to do, but by and large it is not true at all.
If you are willing to self-reflect on your partnering skills, have real standards (not based on ‘her’, but based on self-reflection of what you actually want), approach and date a selection of people, you’ll do great. You will find someone better for you.
If you stay stuck on ‘her’, do the comparison to her with all others, allow yourself to wax forevermore about ‘the one that got away’, you’ll create a fake person in your head that no one can compete with. You’ll be stuck forever with a figment of your past.
Get out, focus on yourself, meet people, think about what you want, make goals for the romantic relationships in your life and pursue them, think about what makes a good BF and do that, be honest with what you need and want. You got this!
A man will give up anything except for his suffering
True this far. I’ll let you know when it ends
It wasn’t true at all. Found someone even better years later and married her.
The truth is there are so many women out there, that you could potentially always find someone you’re even more compatible with at that stage in your life. If you allowed yourself to. If you’re hung up on someone, that won’t happen.
Not a real feeling. If there was reason related to her that caused it to end then you’ll find better. If you’re the reason that it ended then you were never deserving of her to begin with and therefore she is a unrealistic standard for you to have because you are not worth that woman.
How about 35 years never finding any woman good
I feel like the context that’s missing in most of the people who said “never” is probably that the ex is essentially “toxic” and unstable. What if that person has been the one that you never argued with and things just didn’t work out because of circumstances at the time?
For me, the others that came after that one ex are all colourful and maybe unique in their own way. But none of them are as good as my first ex in the way we are compatible with each other; we’re both honest, open-minded, sincere, and our unfiltered selves when we’re together. He had reservations because of our differences in religion, not culture (because you can always learn that).
But I didn’t date others to prove myself wrong. And now I’ll never date again simply because I don’t think it’s the right time and I don’t want to force it to happen.
If it happens, then it happens.
It’s total nonsense in my opinion. Sure in terms of dating i’ve dated women who i liked better in terms of looks and others in terms of personality but never both. But that’s just because i just haven’t found the right person yet.
I can tell you hand on heart, a lot of my female friends tick ALL the boxes my ex did. The only thing that’s missing is RIGHT, physical attraction (mostly from them to me) but yeah. There are women ALL AROUND that are waaayyyy better in every way than my ex, they just lack “that”connection.
There’s a saying “you will never find someone like me again” right?
And to be completely honest with you, isn’t that exactly what you WANT!? An ex is an ex. I at least don’t want anyone who is a carbon copy of her physically or mentally/emotionally because that was where the issues came from. And she was 9 Years younger, which in itself made for a ton of differences and communication issues. Stuff like me wanting to spend time with her 1 on 1 when we were together, while she thought i was controlling because i wanted to do that and because i asked questions why she kept texting her “online male friend” instead of prioritizing me, her boyfriend who was sitting right next to her on the couch.
I don’t believe that. If any of my EX’s were that ” Prefect for me”, be would be together.
I would say that about my dog, but was a he.♥️ His ashes will be burried with me. BFF.🙏
You’re not supposed to find someone “as good as her”. You’re supposed to find someone better.
No matter who you find, they’re gonna be different. Maybe they won’t be The Best at doing the thing or things that other person did… but at least they will be better. There’s a reason they’re your ex. Maybe you deserved it and you fumbled a decent woman; maybe they didn’t deserve you because they were horrible.
The next person will be better for you. You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you’ll get what you need.
It was true, until..
I found someone better.
Statistically impossible. There are literally billions to choose from.