Clean test results prior to any sex with a new partner should be a must. I personally just dislike condoms, so I prefer other forms of birth control with any partner.
I have had no-condom sex with one person, and Iāve had plenty of sex. For that to happen I need us to both be testing negative for STIs and to have been in a serious relationship for at least a year. Even then, I donāt always go for it (Iām polyamorous and sometimes itās easier to not fluid bond).
Established long term relationship.
Both have been tested and shared test results.
Are in a financial, emotional and maturity level where you are ok having children. Yes even if you aren’t actively trying/ wanting one.
Apparently 3 hours and a few beers is all I need š however that was when I was younger. now it’s after dating for a while and both having recent test results since our last sexual encounter.
Please remember that this poster is asking how well you, personally, need to know someone before you have unprotected sex with them. As such, your on-topic comment must express how long you need to know someone before you’re willing to have unprotected sex with them. Comments offering general advice about what other people should do will be removed for derailing.
Additionally, this is not a debate sub. Another commenter’s answer is about that commenter’s life or experience and has nothing to do with you. Do not reply to other people’s answers to argue or debate with them.
Clean test results and in a serious long-term relationship. I dont like condoms but im not going to not use one because I dont like them, I would rather be safe than in a jail cell for beating someone’s ass for giving me an STD.
I’m trans, lesbian, and non monogamous, so the other person being on birth control (if applicable), clean STI tests from the past 3 months, and only having me as their condom-less partner.
Tbh one conversation was all it took with my now fiance. But I was obsessed with him for months beforehand so I was willing to risk it that first night
Well enough to know their sexual history and STD results, and that we are in a monogamous relationship. As Iāve gotten older though I just prefer to either have protected sex, or not have them cum in me bc the mess is just inconvenient 9 times out of 10.
We have to be dating for at least 4 months, and know each other for a minimum of 6 months before that, and after we’ve discussed our previous sexual history (not body count, but practices) and have a full STI panel done. I’m demisexual, so I never rush into sex.
EDITED TO ADD:
I’m in my 60s so pregnancy is NOT a factor
At least three months into the relationship! We gotta know each others sexual history. And tbh, herpes isnāt even apart of the standard sti panel. Soooo lol. Not always easy to know if they have it or not
I need STD screen results and we have to be trying for kids before I drop birth control. Also the pull out method is not birth control! Weāre wrapping it unless Iām on the pill or weāre trying for kids. Iām ok to stop condoms as long as we have one form of hormonal birth control and clean screenings.
We are exclusive, both get tested around the same time and show our results. Now that I have a son I would say this probably would take about a year. Realistically thereās a chance you get pregnant even if he pulls out. So for me it better be someone Iām serious about to the point weāve discussed long term commitment.
Also, advice to my younger self. When he says he doesnāt like condoms or doesnāt have any you stop and say Iām not doing anything without protection. Thatās how ya get STDs.
Ooops. I did it with someone on our 6th date. Iād just gotten a clean bill of health and I think he mentioned it too? We both said we were the only ones we were sleeping with. Idk Iām not going to lie I hate condom sex and I found that man too fuxking hot to think. Heās also a Dr so I trusted him. It worked out I mean Iām clean. Idk about him yet weāll see if it turns into something I was on birth control idk if that counts
Unprotected? I’ve never had as I have been on birth control since before coming sexual activity. Without a condom? Second date with a guy I barely knew š would never do that now but college me was stupid
I need to have seen negative STI test results, and know weāre on the same page about things like pregnancy, abortion, risk factors, exclusivity, boundaries, etc. If itās someone capable of getting me pregnant, thatās all assuming Iām on birth control. If not, condoms are 100% a permanent requirement unless I were to decide I want kids and be years into a healthy, strong relationship with someone who also wants kids.
I will NEVER have sex without some form of birth control. And I do not trust condoms as a form of birth control because too many guys take them off. For me personally, birth control is something I only trust to myself and my doctor.
As for sex without condoms, I leave that up to the guy to decide. I have HSV-2 from my husband cheating. I disclose to every potential partner.
I think itās all personal preference. Thereās no right or wrong answer, as long as all parties are on the same page and consent. Iām sure Iāll get downvoted for this, but if a guy wants me to get tested, he has to be willing to pay for it. I get the standard panel with my annual. HSV testing is not part of a standard panel and the most accurate test (the western blot) is very expensive. I already know I have HSV and disclose, so it seems kind of pointless to me to spend hundreds of dollars several times a year to be told what I already know. And as some who knows HSV isnāt on a standard test, that a basic blood test for HSV is not at all accurate, and that most carriers of HSV are asymptomatic, I know that the likelihood of me transmitting it through informed consent is a lot lower than someone transmitting because they donāt know or donāt disclose. I take daily antivirals to protect my partner. And since HSV is the same virus that also causes cold sores, I think itās laughable that so many people would rule out a person with this virus because they arenāt āclean.ā Congrats on cutting your dating pool down by over 60%.
Assuming it was a person with a penis, that wouldnāt be an option whatsoever unless theyād had a vasectomy and could prove it, among many other factors.
Married or as good as. My husband and I never use protection. Neither of us has any STIs, we’re very much monogamous, and I wouldn’t be averse to pregnancy… which is a whole other subject. I’m 40 and probably getting too old, but this is the first relationship I’ve been in where I’ve felt I’ve wanted a child. Not really a biological clock thing so much as it’s finally the right relationship. My own mum was 41 when I was born, theoretically it’s not too late, but it hasn’t happened yet. I very stupidly had unprotected sex a few times with an ex in my 20s, ended up pregnant, and chose to have an abortion (zero regrets there). Also had unprotected sex with my ex-girlfriend, but obviously zero chance of pregnancy there.
I don’t believe in marriage but in this hypothetical circumstance I am not risking unprotected sex consequences with anyone I’m not married to. More security in that obviously we could get divorced but there are some things that are binding and hard to get out of that would lead to more security.
And if we were divorced you have to pay child support stupid. That helps. Especially with how dangerous things in the world are right now and what it means to be a woman I cannot risk having unprotected sex and potentially getting pregnant. Like what if I ended up getting pregnant and then I went down to a Southern state and got in a car wreck and ended up in the ICU I could end up being kept alive against my will like Adriana Smith was may she rest in peace. I’m sorry having unprotected sex could potentially f** my future for good or my life could be forfeit it is way too dangerous.
Extremely fucking well. Completely monogamous relationship where weāve met each othersā close friends/family, it has to be serious, and weāve both gotten tested since being together and shown each other the results.
Sexually exclusive, tested, six months passed from his previous time of unprotected sex with someone, and I have to know him well enough that I trust he wouldn’t lie to me about these things and would have my back if something unexpected happened.
Ive only had 2 sexual partners, the first i was with a little less than a month of dating and to this day wish I waited, and the other i had a prior relationship with before being broken up for 3 years and when we got back together it was day of. For both of these partners I needed to 100% know they had no prior history of STDs and that they weren’t currently sexually active. Generally i only have sex with people I am in a committed relationship with and have known for a longgg time.
When I started dating my wife, I did tell her I had a vasectomy like 15 years ago. But she insisted I still should get a sperm test. Did not even hesitate. Went and got a test, got an official result there were no swimmers. 100% worth the wait. Married 10 years now.
When I was younger, all it took was the guy saying āwe donāt need condomsā during a one night stand. Now I need to know him for a few months and see the test results and agree to be monogamous
If I wasnāt on BC then literally never or if I change my mind and want kids.
Considering I am, unprotected only for those I trust and know are clean, or Iāve been with for a while. If a baby resulted, I wouldnāt be keeping it so the person it happens to doesnāt matter.
Iām sterilized and I would take a test before unprotected with a new partner. The basic tests do not show for hpv or hsv. Both which can be spread even with a condom. This is an interesting post. I have been wanting to ask people this same question, but also wondering if they know hpv hsv can be spread with protection
I just do not recommend doing it unprotected unless both or all parties are tested, free of sexually transmitted infections, and if male and female, they (both/all) must want children.
If you asked me a year ago or so, Iād say: 1st date, like an hour in, while Iām still a virgin and struggled with vaginismus for years with a fully intact hymen. (He ended up giving me chlamydia š). Now: probably 4-5 months in, both gotten tested tg and show each other results, and even after that every 6 months Iād ask for re-tests lol
Completely unprotected – when I trust my partner (includes being tested previously), am married and want a child.
Without condom but on other pregnancy preventative measure – long term stable relationship and both must get tested first. Back when I started dating my husband it took around 3 months.Ā
When I was in my teenage years I did have a one night stand after prom night, in which neither monogamy nor test results were really certain. But now that Iām in my mid twenties I had to go on a few dates first before getting intimate with my current partner.
Married na! Yun lang ang safe. Kahit na sobrang magjowa na mahihiwalay din and kawawa ang baby if ever! At lewdt if youve decided to get married its a different level of intimacy and commitment!
Well enough to know they won’t ghost me if something unexpected happens. I learned that lesson the hard way in college. Now I make sure we’re on the same page about everything before taking that step.
I think you don’t have to marry your husband, but you should be in a relationship with him and be sure he is not cheating. But the most important thing is to know exactly all his necessary tests, and it is best to take them in the same place at the same time in the same clinic.
For unprotected oral someone can earn my trust. For vaginal, we must be a significant history of sex without STI transmission and (until Iām sterilized) they need to be on birth control.
Comments
I need to get married to him. š¤£
Clean test results prior to any sex with a new partner should be a must. I personally just dislike condoms, so I prefer other forms of birth control with any partner.
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i need test results, he should be my husband, and at least one of us should be sterilized
Lesbian sex: well enough to trust/see their STD status is clean like me. Or just have sex that doesnāt put me at risk for STD transmission
Sex with a man: itās never gonna happen ever
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I have had no-condom sex with one person, and Iāve had plenty of sex. For that to happen I need us to both be testing negative for STIs and to have been in a serious relationship for at least a year. Even then, I donāt always go for it (Iām polyamorous and sometimes itās easier to not fluid bond).
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Established long term relationship.
Both have been tested and shared test results.
Are in a financial, emotional and maturity level where you are ok having children. Yes even if you aren’t actively trying/ wanting one.
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Clean test results from both of us, as well as any new partners. A polycule is only as safe as it’s weakest link.
If weāre going that far , I always get tested with results and go exclusive. Out of respect and safety. A lot going around these days
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Married & ok with the prospect of kids
I would not have unprotected sex with a person who could impregnate me. At all.Ā
Otherwise, shared negative STD results would be enough.Ā
Long-term relationship, clean bill of health, old like me.
Apparently 3 hours and a few beers is all I need š however that was when I was younger. now it’s after dating for a while and both having recent test results since our last sexual encounter.
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Long term relationship and tests to prove they’re clean.
It depends on the person. But the average was about 6 months for me. And we had to be exclusive.
Mod Note:
Please remember that this poster is asking how well you, personally, need to know someone before you have unprotected sex with them. As such, your on-topic comment must express how long you need to know someone before you’re willing to have unprotected sex with them. Comments offering general advice about what other people should do will be removed for derailing.
Additionally, this is not a debate sub. Another commenter’s answer is about that commenter’s life or experience and has nothing to do with you. Do not reply to other people’s answers to argue or debate with them.
Clean test results and in a serious long-term relationship. I dont like condoms but im not going to not use one because I dont like them, I would rather be safe than in a jail cell for beating someone’s ass for giving me an STD.
I’m trans, lesbian, and non monogamous, so the other person being on birth control (if applicable), clean STI tests from the past 3 months, and only having me as their condom-less partner.
Tbh one conversation was all it took with my now fiance. But I was obsessed with him for months beforehand so I was willing to risk it that first night
Well enough to know their sexual history and STD results, and that we are in a monogamous relationship. As Iāve gotten older though I just prefer to either have protected sex, or not have them cum in me bc the mess is just inconvenient 9 times out of 10.
We have to be dating for at least 4 months, and know each other for a minimum of 6 months before that, and after we’ve discussed our previous sexual history (not body count, but practices) and have a full STI panel done. I’m demisexual, so I never rush into sex.
EDITED TO ADD:
I’m in my 60s so pregnancy is NOT a factor
At least three months into the relationship! We gotta know each others sexual history. And tbh, herpes isnāt even apart of the standard sti panel. Soooo lol. Not always easy to know if they have it or not
I need STD screen results and we have to be trying for kids before I drop birth control. Also the pull out method is not birth control! Weāre wrapping it unless Iām on the pill or weāre trying for kids. Iām ok to stop condoms as long as we have one form of hormonal birth control and clean screenings.
We are exclusive, both get tested around the same time and show our results. Now that I have a son I would say this probably would take about a year. Realistically thereās a chance you get pregnant even if he pulls out. So for me it better be someone Iām serious about to the point weāve discussed long term commitment.
Also, advice to my younger self. When he says he doesnāt like condoms or doesnāt have any you stop and say Iām not doing anything without protection. Thatās how ya get STDs.
Even with my life partner, unprotected is when I am ready for a baby… Never ever…
Ooops. I did it with someone on our 6th date. Iād just gotten a clean bill of health and I think he mentioned it too? We both said we were the only ones we were sleeping with. Idk Iām not going to lie I hate condom sex and I found that man too fuxking hot to think. Heās also a Dr so I trusted him. It worked out I mean Iām clean. Idk about him yet weāll see if it turns into something I was on birth control idk if that counts
Unprotected? I’ve never had as I have been on birth control since before coming sexual activity. Without a condom? Second date with a guy I barely knew š would never do that now but college me was stupid
Monogamous relationship for no condoms. Never without bc
Married. Before then? Absolutely not.
I need to have seen negative STI test results, and know weāre on the same page about things like pregnancy, abortion, risk factors, exclusivity, boundaries, etc. If itās someone capable of getting me pregnant, thatās all assuming Iām on birth control. If not, condoms are 100% a permanent requirement unless I were to decide I want kids and be years into a healthy, strong relationship with someone who also wants kids.
I slept with my currently boyfriend for 6 months before we fluid bonded.
Test results aƱwY
Need to be monogamous and living together.
Unprotected sex? Only ever in a several years long-term committed relationship in which we both want children.Ā
Few drinks and openly give each other our word; but heās not going to ej*late in me. š
Clean tests š¤·š¼āāļø I had my tubes removed
I need test results
I will NEVER have sex without some form of birth control. And I do not trust condoms as a form of birth control because too many guys take them off. For me personally, birth control is something I only trust to myself and my doctor.
As for sex without condoms, I leave that up to the guy to decide. I have HSV-2 from my husband cheating. I disclose to every potential partner.
I think itās all personal preference. Thereās no right or wrong answer, as long as all parties are on the same page and consent. Iām sure Iāll get downvoted for this, but if a guy wants me to get tested, he has to be willing to pay for it. I get the standard panel with my annual. HSV testing is not part of a standard panel and the most accurate test (the western blot) is very expensive. I already know I have HSV and disclose, so it seems kind of pointless to me to spend hundreds of dollars several times a year to be told what I already know. And as some who knows HSV isnāt on a standard test, that a basic blood test for HSV is not at all accurate, and that most carriers of HSV are asymptomatic, I know that the likelihood of me transmitting it through informed consent is a lot lower than someone transmitting because they donāt know or donāt disclose. I take daily antivirals to protect my partner. And since HSV is the same virus that also causes cold sores, I think itās laughable that so many people would rule out a person with this virus because they arenāt āclean.ā Congrats on cutting your dating pool down by over 60%.
close enough to ask for test results
Clean test results always
Assuming it was a person with a penis, that wouldnāt be an option whatsoever unless theyād had a vasectomy and could prove it, among many other factors.
Weād both need to be tested, sterilized and good with hygiene and aftercare.
Married or as good as. My husband and I never use protection. Neither of us has any STIs, we’re very much monogamous, and I wouldn’t be averse to pregnancy… which is a whole other subject. I’m 40 and probably getting too old, but this is the first relationship I’ve been in where I’ve felt I’ve wanted a child. Not really a biological clock thing so much as it’s finally the right relationship. My own mum was 41 when I was born, theoretically it’s not too late, but it hasn’t happened yet. I very stupidly had unprotected sex a few times with an ex in my 20s, ended up pregnant, and chose to have an abortion (zero regrets there). Also had unprotected sex with my ex-girlfriend, but obviously zero chance of pregnancy there.
I don’t believe in marriage but in this hypothetical circumstance I am not risking unprotected sex consequences with anyone I’m not married to. More security in that obviously we could get divorced but there are some things that are binding and hard to get out of that would lead to more security.
And if we were divorced you have to pay child support stupid. That helps. Especially with how dangerous things in the world are right now and what it means to be a woman I cannot risk having unprotected sex and potentially getting pregnant. Like what if I ended up getting pregnant and then I went down to a Southern state and got in a car wreck and ended up in the ICU I could end up being kept alive against my will like Adriana Smith was may she rest in peace. I’m sorry having unprotected sex could potentially f** my future for good or my life could be forfeit it is way too dangerous.
Extremely fucking well. Completely monogamous relationship where weāve met each othersā close friends/family, it has to be serious, and weāve both gotten tested since being together and shown each other the results.
The less I know the better
I needed to marry him. So now weāre married.
Uh, I found out my husband was a lying sex addict, so my answer from now on is literally never. I trust no one from now on.Ā š¤·āāļøĀ
Sexually exclusive, tested, six months passed from his previous time of unprotected sex with someone, and I have to know him well enough that I trust he wouldn’t lie to me about these things and would have my back if something unexpected happened.
Once youāve sure you are marrying him
Ive only had 2 sexual partners, the first i was with a little less than a month of dating and to this day wish I waited, and the other i had a prior relationship with before being broken up for 3 years and when we got back together it was day of. For both of these partners I needed to 100% know they had no prior history of STDs and that they weren’t currently sexually active. Generally i only have sex with people I am in a committed relationship with and have known for a longgg time.
Emotionally committed monogamous relationship post screening. So like 1 month into dating lol.
When I started dating my wife, I did tell her I had a vasectomy like 15 years ago. But she insisted I still should get a sperm test. Did not even hesitate. Went and got a test, got an official result there were no swimmers. 100% worth the wait. Married 10 years now.
When I was younger, all it took was the guy saying āwe donāt need condomsā during a one night stand. Now I need to know him for a few months and see the test results and agree to be monogamous
If I wasnāt on BC then literally never or if I change my mind and want kids.
Considering I am, unprotected only for those I trust and know are clean, or Iāve been with for a while. If a baby resulted, I wouldnāt be keeping it so the person it happens to doesnāt matter.
Iām sterilized and I would take a test before unprotected with a new partner. The basic tests do not show for hpv or hsv. Both which can be spread even with a condom. This is an interesting post. I have been wanting to ask people this same question, but also wondering if they know hpv hsv can be spread with protection
It needs to be a long-term monogamous relationship with clear test results!
I just do not recommend doing it unprotected unless both or all parties are tested, free of sexually transmitted infections, and if male and female, they (both/all) must want children.
never, unless one of us is sterilized. i donāt want kids.
If you asked me a year ago or so, Iād say: 1st date, like an hour in, while Iām still a virgin and struggled with vaginismus for years with a fully intact hymen. (He ended up giving me chlamydia š). Now: probably 4-5 months in, both gotten tested tg and show each other results, and even after that every 6 months Iād ask for re-tests lol
Completely unprotected – when I trust my partner (includes being tested previously), am married and want a child.
Without condom but on other pregnancy preventative measure – long term stable relationship and both must get tested first. Back when I started dating my husband it took around 3 months.Ā
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When I was in my teenage years I did have a one night stand after prom night, in which neither monogamy nor test results were really certain. But now that Iām in my mid twenties I had to go on a few dates first before getting intimate with my current partner.
Married na! Yun lang ang safe. Kahit na sobrang magjowa na mahihiwalay din and kawawa ang baby if ever! At lewdt if youve decided to get married its a different level of intimacy and commitment!
Monogamous + test results 100%. Otherwise youāre playing with fire and your coochie might get burned.
My husband and I are ENM, only him and I have unprotected sex. He always uses protection with other play partners, and we get tested regularly.
Get tested regularly in general, gives you a peace of mind.
Enough to be sure u wont get STD
Took me three years of dating before I let him go raw.
Well enough to know they won’t ghost me if something unexpected happens. I learned that lesson the hard way in college. Now I make sure we’re on the same page about everything before taking that step.
I think you don’t have to marry your husband, but you should be in a relationship with him and be sure he is not cheating. But the most important thing is to know exactly all his necessary tests, and it is best to take them in the same place at the same time in the same clinic.
Husband, canāt trust anyone else
For unprotected oral someone can earn my trust. For vaginal, we must be a significant history of sex without STI transmission and (until Iām sterilized) they need to be on birth control.
You need to be ready to have a child with that person because you’re always running that risk when you have unprotected sex