• dating girl in med school for 3 months
• She has alcohol addiction, multiple health issues including limb paralysis and chronic pain from infections, BPD diagnosed
• Routinely taking prescribed painkillers and drinking vodka, drops out of med school
• Vents about problems, wants to go on drives then ghosts for 7 days. Says she’s in hospital
• she broke up with ex in March
• she admits liking you, you start going on dates and sleep together
• Says she blocked her ex everywhere but he still finds a way to contact her
• She tells you about the kids we will have after holding hands and sleeping together
• Says she’s not ready for a relationship right now because her life is a mess and needs to sort it out first, but that she’s talking to and seeing no one else
• 2 weeks later invites you to her house after health crisis, kisses you at door and in front of her sister sits on your lap and holds your hand
• 2 weeks later you’re in a bar in a forest in the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Northwest travelling
• She is on oxycodone (prescribed) and swigging vodka. She’s drunk again. Her right arm is paralysed and she’s in pain
• You’re tired and hungry and tell her you want to leave many times
• she wants to stay talking to a group of guys
• She is exchanging numbers with a drunk 50 year old guy who is chatting her up.
• You overhear the word ‘drugs’ and she says ‘he could give me some’
What would you do in this situation?
TLDR: She’s a friend and you are seeing each other, she’s vulnerable with health conditions, alcohol addicted and BPD. She’s exchanging numbers with drunk 50 year old guy in bar, you’re in a forest in the middle of nowhere with your car outside. What do you do?
Comments
OP this is stupid. You like the drama.
I would tell her she has a substance abuse issue and because of that, you can no longer see her anymore. Then I would stay extremely far away and block her number and unfollow all social media. There are way too many red flags here to even count
Leave and don’t look back. Also, get standards.
You do not want to be dating someone with untreated BPD plus various addictions.
I would say you’re stupid. If this is true.
Here’s what I did –
I tell in increasing degrees of assertiveness, ‘I’m cold and hungry, come on – let’s go’.
She keeps saying let me have another cigarette. She keeps chatting to the guys.
I see 50 year old drunk guy holding her phone putting his number in, and I hear about ‘he can give me drugs’
I grab her phone out of his hand and say, ‘let’s go’. She gets MAD. Shouts I’m not her boyfriend, we are not together to whole bar. I stand there stunned. I can’t physically remove us from situation. I give her back her phone. She gives back to guy and they exchange numbers. She says ‘if you’re cold go wait in the car!’
Eventually we walk back to car shouting at each other ‘I was trying to protect you from that drunk guy who wanted to give you drugs and sleep with you!/she says We’re not together! You’re just like my controlling ex! This is the one time I get out of the house to socialize, I’m kept in all the time with my medical stuff and you’re ruining it!’
Old guy opens my car door and says ‘she wants me not you, piss off’, tries to get her to come home with him. She stalls and doesn’t defend me. Says she’ll call him and closes door.
We delete his number, I see she’s been making outbound calls to her ex despite her telling me she blocked him everywhere and he was still contacting her. Some calls for hours.
I drive her back to her parents’ (her caretakers) I go up to door to tell her dad what happened, she is screaming at me not to.
She says never talk to me again, I say I won’t, she tries to then grab me and kiss me but I turn my head away.
I care for her a lot as a friend, and have deep empathy for what she is going through, but we are not currently speaking.
I’m a pretty average looking guy, but I’m 30 pretty much in the prime of my career and good physical health, and she is chatting and giving her number to this drunk 50 year old who wants to give her drugs? I don’t believe it.
There’s a saying: “Don’t stick your **** in crazy.”
I would probably wait it out until I could take her home – getting in a public argument with her if I had to – drop her off at home, then end the relationship.
You run. You run and you never look back.