Last Friday was the hardest day of my life. I (32M) found out I was HIV positive. I had no idea and was shocked. It’s felt like living in a bad dream since then. I’m lucky that it’s 2025 and I was immediately given medicine to completely suppress the viral load as well as counseling and therapy and I have a good support system of friends. It’s not a death sentence for my health, but I have a social stigma I’m gonna carry the rest of my life.
The thing im having a really hard time with is knowing that it will making dating difficult if not impossible. I’m masculine and openly bisexual, but pretty exclusively heteroromantic, mostly with cis women. I’m obviously not looking to date anyone right now, because I can’t look in the mirror I’m so disgusted by myself, but when the time comes I can’t imagine a bigger red flag than being HIV+, even if I explain there’s effectively 0% chance of transmission being undetectable. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to “just hook up” again and tbh I feel like I’m going to constantly be rejected as soon as I open up about my status whether it be upfront or after some time dating together. It’s very daunting and lonely.
Does anyone have any advice or experience with this? Or just honesty about what you would do in this situation? I’m trying to make the best of a really bad situation and any input would help. Thank you
TL;DR: I’m HIV positive and want to know how others would react to this and how I should navigate it.
Comments
Bisexual woman here.
The biggest thing that will determine future reactions in relationships will be how you demonstrate your character. Are you honest, considerate, and direct with your partners? Are you well informed and do you have resources you can share with them? Are you meticulous and careful about managing your disease and reducing their risk? This is not a deal breaker for everyone, not for me. But lying, hedging or being sloppy would be deal breakers.
You don’t have to do anything now. Process this and focus on your health. But your life is very long.
I’m sorry for your experience. It sounds like you have a well balanced approach to handling it, and a realistic outlook on how it will change your life. Accepting that it will impact your dating/sex life is responsible and important. I would probably not choose to be with a partner who is HIV positive, however, some people might feel differently, and I think everyone would appreciate your honesty. You seem like a good person, and you still deserve love and partnership. Hooking up is a risky lifestyle even without an existing STI, so perhaps it’s best to just be grateful that you caught it early enough to receive good treatment.
I’m sure the right partner will eventually come along, just keep being honest and maybe even consider a support group. It might help to feel like you can share your experience with others who understand what you’re going through more vividly
It’s more common now in dating for people to disclose their status, people even have their status in their dating profiles and are open about it. There are also so many HIV-positive sites. What’s important now is how you handle dating when you do start dating, don’t hide your status and be upfront about it. If it helps start therapy, a therapist can help you navigate this news and sort of guide you though all the feelings (both negative and positive). They may even be able to help you navigate telling new partners about your status and give you tips on the best practice for that.
Good luck OP, I know it can feel like a lot right now but it’ll get better with time.