How would you feel if she asks you to split the chores but she refuses to split the bills?
How would you feel if she asks you to split the chores but she refuses to split the bills?
r/AskMen
How would you feel if she asks you to split the chores but she refuses to split the bills?
Comments
Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/VladTheBanned’s post (if available):
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I would feel fine. I may even pay.
I’d have to wonder how she feels
She can move out.
I feel like I need a new girl.
Unless she makes up for it elsewhere and you can afford a cleaning service, bail
50/50 all the way. She wants equality she can pull equal weight.
Yall still doing this in 2025?
We equal now unless you both legitimately prefer a different alternative
Or perhaps equitable is a better way to express it for cases where there’s still a salary disparity between the two of you
Nope. If I am paying all bills, it’s on her clean, cook, and keep the bedroom spicy. Period.
If we split bills 50/50 or close to it, I’ll 100% help around the house and whatever else is needed.
Equality is equality.
She can split her ass somewhere else.
Sole income family. I pay for just about everything. She gets a Christmas and birthday stipend from her parents. I also do some of the chores but its more like 20 to 30/70 to 80 with her doing the most.
Never let a womam use you bro. Tell her to either do everything else at home, or pay 50/50 and you can split everything else. Ofc, part of being a loving partner is stepping up when necessary in cases of sickness, pregnancy, fatigue etc, but hell no otherwise. Doing chores is not that hard
Is 50/50 or even 70/30 a wishful thinking or are couples making it work with this equality equation ?
I believe in equality. If she 1) doesn’t or 2) believes in some idea of me giving her male-to-female reparations > then this isn’t going to work out
What kind of relationship are we talking here?
Been together six months, separate finances, no kids, just moved in together.
Or married, bought the house, joint bank account, twins on the way.
It makes a big difference to the answer.
If the bills I pay for are solely paid by me but we live in a shit 1 bedroom apartment and have shitty cars, and she still stays with me, then she’s appreciative. If everything I do is enough to make her smile then I am okay doing everything and more. I’d like more money for myself, sure, but the thing I want more is a woman who appreciates my everything and thinks that the act of me giving it to her is beautiful.
I would feel like she is gearing up to be disappointed. 🤣
Get a SAHM and you’ll be paying all the bills and still doing some of the chores
That would be a hilarious request
No
Nope
My job is 8 hours a day. My house and kids are 24 hours a day. I help out at home after work.
It sounds like you’re trying to ask if people would like an unequal relationship where one partner contributes more than the other, but you’re suspiciously wording it in a very specific way to suggest that you’re asking for validation on your belief in a very traditional gender role split. I’m not playing that game.
I’d feel like she was taking advantage of me and I’d move on.
I wouldn’t be dating her.
Relationship is never 50/50
She does more in something
While you do more in something else
I do actually pay all the bills and we split the chores. But she pays for all the holidays and I go on boys trips so I’m not that bothered. “Be a man. Pay the bills” has been drilled into me, I would feel ashamed to take her money or be unable to pay for my family.
I’ve seen the crazies out there. For now, I’ll stick with the crazy in here.
Relationship is 100%. Sometimes it’s 50/50. Some days I got 70 and my partner only has to put in 30. Some days I only got 10 and I need her to put in the 90. As long as we’re both working towards 100% and we’re there for each other when it counts, I try to avoid thinking of it as a competition.
We pool all of our money as a couple. The bills are paid from there and she’s the one paying almost all of them. I have a housekeeper 2x’s a month for the deep cleaning. While we both do chores, she does almost all of the cooking while I do the handyman work around the house.
It really does depend on the situation.
Time is a more valuable commodity to look at it.
If I’m working 40 hours a week from home and she’s working 50 hours a week plus commuting but still earns substantially less than me, it makes sense that I’ll do more of the chores because I have more free time and probably pay more of the bills because I earn a lot more.
The important thing is that the entire load of the relationship is split equally, it goes beyond money and chores.
Just wash the fucking dishes bro it’s no big deal
I’d say take the opportunity to re-negotiate for something you value.
You got bigger problems than sharing chores, since she’s so against it
Am I working more hours when you add up work and chores, or is it even?
In my specific situation I wouldn’t care because she actually deserves to not worry about the bills. In addition to working crazy hours on her dissertation to become a botanist, She takes care of the house, the dog, and the duck which is a 24/7 job, and she knows what I need before I do, On a long day I’ll come home to a blunt already rolled and ribeye mid rare, so of course I’m willing to split chores. We will reevaluate when she is the doctor and I’m the blue collar idiot.
I’d tell her no deal, I’m not inclined to put myself into a bad position. There’s no upside for me splitting the chores and paying all the rent. If anything she should be going above any beyond for me…..this is going in the opposite direction.
[deleted]
IMO, chores are separate from finances. Chores are a matter of time available, with difficulty of work considered. If I’m bringing in 150k as a data analyst and paying for the majority of the bills, and she’s making 40k as a social worker, I’ve almost certainly got more time and energy available, so I’m doing the majority of the chores. That’s how a good relationship works. I would expect the same if it were reversed.
You know when women complain about “50/50” men and how their main gripe is that they’ll split the bills yet end up doing the majority or all of the cooking/cleaning. Well this is the opposite of that. A terrible deal for whoever agrees to it. Can’t have your cake & eat it too.
A relationship is meant to be mutually beneficial. I don’t need an anchor so if this was gonna be my situation i’d honestly rather just stay single and date rather than take care of a liability.
I would be insulted; I provided 100% of the income, why can’t she do the cooking and cleaning in a house that I provided, with appliances to make her job easier that I provided, with food that I provided, clothes that I provided? Even at that I also did do 100% of the maintenance on the house and grounds.
Single and at peace.
I make significantly more per hour than most of the women that I date so it’s not comparable-chores are strictly time and energy.
If you need a perfect 50/50 then you have to match with someone who makes exactly the same amount as you for the exact same amount of hours worked who is also overly worried about having the perfect split of resources.
That depends on the split. Ofc if I’m the only one making money, I’m not gonna be coming home to vacuum, mow the lawn, and clean the bathroom. There’s some things that are unavoidable, like maybe toilet paper runs out and I need to go get some or it’s Christmas so I’m gonna help decorate. Obviously I’m not going to stand in front of the fridge with my arms crossed because I want a snack and it wasn’t made for me, but if you want to be living like a teenager, then you can do chores like a teenager. With no school. And no job. So even more than a teenager.
Now if it’s something like I bring in $150k a year and she brings in 75k, then yeah, we’ll divvy up the chores to make it more fair and balanced. If I work 40 days on with 9 days off and she works 6 days a week except Sunday, then we split on our work days, she handles all the big stuff on her days off, and I’ll do a bunch on some of my days off.
Not gonna work for me. If im bringing in all the money then they need to be taking care of the house. I’m not anyone’s free pass to an easy life.
Lol, I’ll do you one better.
She didn’t want to split either.
I paid the bills. I cleaned.
I made my money from home so her logic was that I should maintain the home. And because I made much more money than her, I should also pay all bills.
This obviously did not last.
Everything 50/50. How you divide the 50/50 is between the two of you but things should be as close to fair as is possible. Naturally perfect fairness isn’t but if it deviates too far, one always feels exploited.
There are so many “it depends” in this.
Because I have a much higher earning ability than my wife, so she does most of the house work. But when she was putting her mother into a care home and cleaning out her home to sell it, I picked up a lot of Slack. Because she was working harder than me, just not getting paid. But permanently? While she becomes “a lady who lunches”? No.
Base it on your state’s divorce laws. My state has a formula that says I get credit for being the homeowner before the marriage. Then the formula says during the marriage time the increase in value of the home is split 5050.
So I would say both chores and bills are split 5050. If she is not happy with that then she can leave.
Do your due diligence as your state’s laws may be different.
Just no. Her opinion on this is invalid. She doesnt want to do her part so find someone who does. It is only gonna get worse from there.
I’m not a controlling person, but my place is my place. If I agree to have you move in with me, then you better buckle up cause it means I’m crazy in love with you.
The currency converter says 1 sex per chore.
What do you mean “split the chores”?
Are you talking about a maid?