Soooo basically things have been amazing with me (36m) and my girl (37f) and she got to meet some friends over the last two days and it has been a roller coaster. Basically she’s met my best friends and has been emasculating and belittling me. I want to go about this conversation cool calm and collected but it just kinda sucks having a partner do that.
How would you handle your girlfriend hanging out with your friends for the first time and emasculating you?
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Soooo basically things have been amazing with me (36m) and my girl (37f) and she got to meet some friends over the last two days and it has been a roller coaster. Basically she’s met my best friends and has been emasculating and belittling me. I want to go about this conversation cool calm and collected but it just kinda sucks having a partner do that.
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If it’s like this now how’s it going to be 10 years in?
How has she been doing that? Specifics and examples please
I’d give her one chance. She might have a good reason in her head for what she did. But I would tell her I wouldn’t put up with that shit and if she does it again or anything similar I would bounce. Don’t threaten her with it, just do it if she does it again.
Dont be a bitch and speak up for yourself
The question is, does she think this is humorous banter with your friends and is unaware of how you see it? You need to bring this up with her bluntly. If she is horrified at having made you feel that way, then she apologizes and you can hopefully move on. If she is an asshole about it then that doesn’t sound like a partner to me.
Nawww you call that shit out and shut it down or shut her out.
The world is gonna kick you enough your partner is suppose to be the one person who helps keep you up and you them.
That shit just piss me off seeing it or hearing it. Who tf is she? Letting people talk down on you in public and not saying shit just lowers everyone’s respect for you.
She is trying to bond with your friends by being funny. It’s nothing personal. She thinks this is how you and your friends talk when you hang out.
usually i would say its fine, some people are just really awkward and in order to find common ground with your friends they pick on you – But the example you gave of her asking who would be who in a gay sex relationship with your friends is just awkward for everyone
Call her on it in private and explain how it makes me feel. Communication is key. If she sees it bothers you she shouldn’t have a problem correcting the situation…if not…well there’s your answer.
Sorry disrespect isn’t a thing for me. It would happen once. Time to move on
She’s not going to be your GF very soon. Pull her aside and give her a proper bollocking.
At this age, the person is who they are and it’s unlikely to change. You can have a conversation about it, why it bothers you etc, but if it doesn’t get better, move on.
Nah wouldn’t work for me, that’s a shitty personality.
You can tease me all you like when together, I’ll do the same. But not in front of others.
It would be like you openly comparing her body to another woman like her sister or friend. Then say it was just banter. There would be a fucking meltdown about how she felt disrespected.
Move on bro, you can do better than this one.
This has to be trolling.
Sounds like either she doesn’t respect you or she’s just trash.
Neither has an easy fix. At 36/37 years old I would probably just bail, man.
you gotta tell her that isn’t cool, and move accordingly
Is she putting you down or just having banter?
Different situation, but same vibe.
I’ve told this before, but I will tell it again.
It was at my girlfriends, older brothers, engagement party.
I struggle socially (always have) but wanted to go obviously to show my love and support. We had discussed before if I ever need some ‘down time’ during social events to just go on my phone.
In the middle of a noisy party I needed that moment and started playing a game of Snake on my Nokia (this is how long ago it was). Then she started laughing at me with her friends and said infront of our mutual family and friends “Maybe you should go sit at the kids table. They might be talking more your speed?”
I left the room and started to head to the car. On my way through the house her grandparents bailed me up and asked
“sooooo when do you think it will be your turn for an engagement party?” and I said… “When I find the right girl.”
Stand up for yourself. Let her know it’s emasculating. Make a choice to fix it together or make a choice to leave before it gets worse.
I wouldn’t, because she wouldn’t.
I think we all know why at 37 she is single and dating, she is…… Something else.
Sit her down and ask her why
You: “Why were you being so weird the other day?”
Her: ” I wasn’t being weird”
You: “Asking my friend and random people about me being in a homosexual relationship is definitely weird and highly inappropriate. If you have any issue with me, talk to me. I didn’t like the conversation and you made myself and my friend uncomfortable.”
Her: “Don’t be so sensitive”
You: “This isn’t going to work out. You need to grow up. Bye”
The only way is to become the top and you know what you’ll have to do to achieve that
The best part about having a girlfriend is that you can get another one
If she would act like that to your best friend just imagine how she’s going to act when she meets your mama.
I take it this girl is not from another small town in Texas, bless her heart.
Either she is really socially awkward and has no sense of humour. Or she doesn’t like you. Or she thought your friend was hot and this was her way of trying to seduce him. Or she is hoping to involve him in some kinky bedroom stuff.
Either way not something to talk about when you first meet your bf’s friend. And honestly for me this would be such a turn off i might have ended up single 5 min after this happened. Really weird. I would feel emasculated but definitely disrespected and cringe.
If that happened to me I would definitely spend more time with my wife instead.
LOL. Doubtful that she would have become my gf to begin with, but if she had, she’d no longer be my gf. As simple as that.
This is unacceptable abusive behavior. Dump her.
Sorry my man. Time to peace out. If you think there is recovery from this, you are going to have to truly BE the bottom in the relationship until she files for divorce and takes 50% of your stuff.
It sucks but that is the truth. I could lie and say that you can work it out, she was nervous, etc. BUT YOU KNOW THIS IS THE ANSWER!
Good luck and hope it works out for you! No matter what happens I wish you well, a great future and a place where you have a partner that helps to build you up.
Find someone that when you are together you are 1+1=3 and not 1+1=0.
You don’t have to put up with that shit lol.
There is teasing and then there is being made fun of. That was being made fun of and a partner should never do that.
Draw a line. If she crosses it. Break up.
Ahhhh no. Mutual respect is required in a relationship. She should have your back, not stab it.
If she were to emasculate me, I would have to get a dictionary to even know what that means 😩
No point talking to someone who uses their ability to speak in such a way as soon as other people and a drop of alcohol gets involved.
Did you ask her why she felt the need to do that?
That’s a no for me dog….
Definitely, as so many people have said already, need to have a talk with her. There’s nothing funny about that at any point. First time meeting one of your actual friends also? I don’t know what I would or would not have said, but if it wasn’t said right then and there, it definitely would’ve been said on the ride home.
If she trashes you, she’s not the one bro.
Bro don’t kink shame me like this.
If it’s shit talking and joking around I roll with it. She’s going to get some sass back too.
If it’s spiteful and mean on a regular basis, we’re done.
I wouldn’t look at it like an insult more of a joke especially if they were all drunk. Maybe even trying to initiate something. It would be different if she was saying it behind his back to someone else though, but she didn’t and he could just tell her he didn’t like it or it makes him feel weird and uncomfortable and that would be that, but instead Reddit post looking for affirmation
I wouldn’t go off on her about it but I’d make it very clear that her jokes were making you uncomfortable. I’ve had “friends” like that they do the whole “oh yeah we’re not friends, he just follows me” bullshit and it’s really embarrassing. Stand up for yourself.
You know you don’t have to be in a relationship with someone if you’re not in to their personality? Like if the woman is treating you badly, you can end the relationship… stop allowing shit you don’t like to go on around you.
Tell her how you feel bro
That is so uncool. It could be an insecurity thing. Nip it in the bud. Let her know it is not acceptable under any terms.
If she does that she is single immediately
Well you allowed it shes not dumped so apparently you like it.
Power move on her part. You took it without complaining. Now she knows that she has the upper hand in the relationship.
Honestly just seems like a grouping issue. That question in my friends group would be entirely fine and no cause for alarm in the least.
That sounds toxic. A girlfriend shouldn’t be emasculating her man unless he is a piece of shit in front of friends. OP, do yourself a favor and leave the relationship because all that’ll do down the line is breed resentment.
Was she shit faced drunk to ask this? Thats the only possible excuse otherwise id cut and run.
It’s a good time to have some conversation and set some boundaries around the topic.
I think it’s somewhat normal to poke fun at your partner in front of their friends to break the ice, but it can’t be too over the top. Based on what you’ve described I think it’s a little too much, so have that conversation with her.
Don’t think it’s too serious though, just talk it out and see how she reacts.
Sounds like she’s got a shit personality.
This is classic manipulation.. She is seeing how far she can push and embarass you. You did nothing. so now she feels empowered to mistreat you. more.
OR, best case scenario, she is trying to work you up to fuck her in the ass..
Really the only way out of this short of breaking up is to show her you are a top.
As a woman, I can tell you she has no respect for you.
Dear God. Run away from her. If she thinks this behavior is acceptable now, just wait until you’re married to her!!!!
the answer was: yeah he’s the top, i’m the middle and you are the bottom.
I would rather be single than have to deal with that BS. You’re both mid/late-thirties approaching 40. Life is way too short to settle for the wrong partner.
Nah dude. A 37 year old making those comments. Zero strikes, there is the door.
Let her know that she was inappropriate with your friends, massively disrespectful to you, and that this relationship is not going to work for you.
Thank her for the time you spent together, leave and delete/block her number.
Maybe she was nervous or drinking and said something stupid, Ive embarrassed my bf on accident before. Not this way but just talking too much with friends. Anyways, I would just come to her and say hey babe this embarrassed me and just talk to her and see if she says she’s sorry and she was embarrassed and that she will try better in the future. It’s a big deal to be able to communicate with someone and 8 months is a long time to just break up with someone
Girlfriend? What girlfriend.
If she doesn’t respect you then there’s no point carrying it on.
Talk to her, say it didn’t feel great and if she was being funny, it just made you and your friend uncomfortable.
I know it’s hard to explain that someone you love hurt you but it’s important or else they will do it again
Tell her not to do that again in those exact words. Establish a line that she should not cross.
I’d talk with her-
Just switch roles for a moment and imagine you’re at her friends and you ask that.
Just straight up- who is the big scissor and who is the little?
Either way, just tell her you’re done and a girl who will respect you and your boundaries.
Bro, this is shit test type of behaviour, just laugh and move on like a child said it. Don’t be affected and don’t be a bitch about it.
She belongs to the streets. Emasculation is intorelable, disgusting behavior.
I’m sure you can find a better girlfriend to hang out with.
I don’t know why my gf was doing this either.. it’s like programmed in their brain. I had to air her down and let her know it wasn’t appropriate and if she had issues we should discuss it privately.
She still does it some times, but I just have to give her a nudge to stop.
Are you all 13?
i’d dump her
but if you don’t its easy enough to make her see how fucked up it was
how would she feel if you did that to her around her friends and didnt let it go?
Nope – she is gone.
Run !
I bet she felt nervous and desperately wanted to feel part of over so puffed herself up and made it so all the attention was on her. Regardless though yeah not cool… she needs to get better at responding to feelings like that. I wonder how she’ll respond to you if you honestly and gently bringing this to her attention (always use “I” statements!!!) If she doesn’t come around I would def draw some boundaries like “hey, if you can’t be honest with your feelings and trust me or someone else with them, you can’t be around my friends with them” cause if we don’t deal with them, they come out sideways. Sounds like that’s what happened to her!
I don’t know either of you but I would be willing to bet money if you confront her about it, she will find a way to turn it around on you. Either being too sensitive or something along those lines. My ex wife did this kind of stuff and turned out to be a massive narcissist. Watch out for next level gaslighting if you choose to stick around. Just my two cents, and again, I don’t k ow either of you but you will likely be much better off walking away now before she convinces you that you are the problem.
Sounds like she is socially stunted and has no filter. Imagine how she would be around family. Red flag here.
You’ll have to break up with her.
You have tell her “we need to talk” and talk it out. You have to tell her this is something you did not appreciate and you want her to make sure this is not happening again. Just say everything calmly.
Is she a heavy drinker? Or perhaps bipolar having an episode of mania?
Neither of these justify what she did. But if it came out of nowhere, and she’s normally kind, something weird is going on in her brain. Ask her if she’s ever been diagnosed?
She’d be my ex-girlfriend immediately.
When the tongue slips, it tells the truth.
Maybe I’m thinking too much into it but ………
It kinda makes me think she could be feeling your friend a little bit. The only reason I say that is because she is trying to find a way to open up sexual conversation that also includes you, as to not raise suspicion, and also leave the door open for him too maybe pivot focus to her if he’s with it.
Sounds like childish teenager behavior. Not that of an adult – certainly not someone in their late 30s. Very unbecoming. Especially after reading your other comments. I would not allow that. I recommend drawing your boundary and if she crosses it, end the relationship.
It can be fun playing in the pig pen but you can’t be taking the pigs out and expect them not to act like pigs.
She isn’t really a partner, she is a close enemy!
Make it the last time it happens.
This came up in my feed, so I’m sorry, but as a woman, BREAK UP WITH HER. There’s not much lower than a woman disrespecting her partner in front of crowds, especially his friends.
I hope you don’t tolerate this. You don’t have to say that is the specific reason. A woman who does that to a man won’t understand the weight of it, and will likely turn it around on you, so give any other reason.
Call her out on it afterwards, and if it happens a couple more times break up.
Sometimes people show you who they really are. This is a rare thing and shouldn’t be ignored. I would break up.
I had a gf who liked to make “jokes” like this. My advice is run, dude…i wasted 3.5 years of my life to have this woman eventually go out with another man on our anniversary, and when i wanted to stay and try to salvage it her behavior just got even more unhinged and disloyal. It’s been 6 months now and I’m still trying to heal those wounds. I’m not saying it’ll be exactly like that, but I’d bet money it’s gonna be similar. If she’s that self absorbed at 37 she isn’t going to learn new tricks now.
I’d make her an ex
What’s is she a fucking shock jock?
Dump her. You wouldn’t disrespect her
Dragging other people into that sort of discussion raises red flags for me.
Does she normally have filters?
Did she have an ex who “turned” gay?
Unless she said that in the middle of a bi FFM threesome, it’s out of order…
That isn’t someone I’d ever want to be around let alone be with. I’d drop her.
sounds like a personality disorder and not a good one…You deserve better than that homey.
I used to be married to someone like that but the comments were more direct and worse. I couldn’t understand how someone could speak that way about their SO. It definitely messed with my head for years. I’m glad that’s over and I’m now with someone who supports and encourages me. It’s so different. I was so stupid to marry someone like that. If she doesn’t respect you now, she is not going to suddenly respect you in future.
You’re adults. Talk to her about it and how you didn’t appreciate her doing that in front of people who matter to you.
You should talk to her about it, obviously
On the ride home I would’ve brought it up. Hey these things you said around my friends embarrassed me and made me feel emasculated. I would really appreciate it you would avoid saying things like this. If she continues after that maybe warn her again more sternly that you do not enjoy this type of banter and then 3rd strike she’s out. Communication is key.
Is being disrespected in public your kink? Cuz if not, anyone you’re dating shouldn’t treat you like Tha. To me, that would be the end of the relationship.
She’s testing you
Talk to her about it!
I think it’s really difficult to give an opinion on this. Because this kind of comments hardly depend on the tone of voice and mimic.
For me it would be my style of humor but I can see that it could be super weird, depending on the people around and tone of voice.
But anyways you need to talk to her and tell her about how you felt. If she reacts disrespectful and ignorant, than you know she is not for you. But maybe there is also a chance to sort things out
She doesn’t respect you. Dump her.
She was attracted to him and was wondering if there was a shot at a 3some, and watch you be the submissive. Don’t be surprised if down the road she brings up her pegging you during those 3somes.