Be ready to read..
I had a co worker offer to drive us 2 hours away to go see an amusement park and rent out a cabin all expenses paid.
Bro would say things such as I’m beautiful, kept insinuating paying for my rent or reimburse me for Ubers. Take me to work, etc.
We got to the cabin, got in the jacuzzi, kissed a little, got intimate for just a second but I stopped him because it started to give escort vibes and I didn’t want to send that kind of message.
Granted, I was very interested in him, but we’ve only been talking for a week. The way he was taking things so fast was a bit.. uncanny.. but who am I to decline a free trip all expenses paid?
Bedtime, it’s 2 in the morning. I need my rest. We have to be out of there by 10. He starts to touch me and asked if it was okay. I said that I didn’t care as I continue to lay there.
Few moments later he got up and said that he wasn’t feeling it. Packed our bags and took me right back home. We was only there for an hour. He said that he didn’t think that I liked him and that he doesn’t think that he likes me. Said he didn’t like that I locked the door to the room while I was taking a shower.
“You’re locking doors and I paid for this shit! You think I’ve never seen a fucking girl naked before!?” Yeah maybe on porn only 😂
Like homie what’s the deal? I was ready to have fun and get to know you more!! I guess my question is, where did I go wrong?
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You did not go wrong here, that man is creepy and acting entitled. Simple as that. He didn’t/doesn’t want to respect your boundaries and only did all of this for some gratitude sex. Ditch him please and stay away from this red flag!! Imagine being upset someone wants to shower alone lol.
You asked how we would have gone about it differently, so that’s the way I’m approaching this.
For one thing, I wouldn’t have gone on the trip with someone I didn’t know very well, not just the two of us. If others were coming too, people I knew better than he, then maybe. And then I would have paid my own way. Because I’m independent, I’m a grownup, I don’t like power or influence differentials, and reality is, if someone is doing all the "giving" and someone else is doing all the "receiving", there will be a differential. I don’t like to be there.
And so then, if all that lined up, and I found myself 2 hours from home, and I’m in this hotel room at 2 in the morning, and I just showered, and for some reason Idiot from Work wants to come touching on me, and asks if it’s okay, and it’s not okay, I’m not gonna say I don’t care. I’m gonna say, no, it’s not okay, get the f out of this room. Keep your hands off or pull back a stump!
So, pretty much everything would be done differently.
Hello my dear,
Let me preface this that this is not intended to victim-blame or shame you, and that his sexual harassment towards you is not your fault. That said, for situations moving forward, may this also be a lesson in safety.
I want to share some reflections that may help guide you as you move forward, based on my own experiences and cultural context raised as a woman in a relatively conservative Asian country. Please take from these what feels useful and leave behind what doesn’t resonate with you.
When you’re still in the early stages of getting to know someone, it can be beneficial to politely decline situations where they offer to pay for lavish trips or expensive outings. While it’s perfectly okay for someone to treat you once you’re in a committed relationship, accepting extravagant gifts early on may sometimes create an unintended sense of obligation. It’s important that any gift or favor comes without strings attached, ensuring that you remain free to make your own choices without pressure.
Remember – lavish gifts (free trips) aside from lovebombing (compliments and attention) are a common tactics domestic abusers use to dupe and lure people into sleeping, dating, or marrying them. In our country, wealthy and high status abusers are not above bribing and using the victim’s family and peer group to pressure her into marriage.
Maintaining Independence:
I’ve learned from personal experience that accepting extravagant gifts can sometimes lead to complications later. In my own journey, I observed how lavish gestures can be used—sometimes unconsciously—as a way to create dependency or leverage. It might help to view such offers as opportunities to assert your own independence. Building your own financial and educational stability is a powerful way to ensure you remain in control of your life decisions.
It may sound as projection but my own parents had me for selfish reasons, then aside from abusing me, would often threaten to pull me out of school for disobeying them, that I must obey because they "gave" me life, food, shelter, and all other basic necessities. As I was a child, I could not resist nor could I have any recourse because our country’s social services is understaffed and lacks funding. While not providing me with these necessities is illegal, they still saw it that way.
Illogical? Very. Despite the lack of logic though the consequences of being duped are very real.
I don’t wish to paint a grim picture of humanity but just illustrating that indeed some people use gifts and favors as leverage over you to force you to be beholden to them, like a Trojan horse, as my parents have done so to me.
If you live in the western world, you may see videos on your feed advocating for soft life, sprinkle sprinkle, a man should be a provider, etc. Do not listen to these charlatans. Relying on your own income and getting your own education is still the best way.
Whenever you’re out with someone, it’s a good practice to keep a trusted friend or family member informed of your whereabouts. Especially since the two of you were alone, it would have been best to share your GPS location in case something happens as well as letting someone know your plans (who, what, where, when), these measures are essential for your personal safety and well-being. This isn’t to fear monger, but this will lead to easier rescue for you should you find yourself in an accident, emergency, or a victim of a crime.
These suggestions come from a place of care and personal experience. They aren’t meant to cast judgment but to help you maintain the boundaries that allow you to remain free, independent, and safe as you navigate the complexities of dating.
Remember, you deserve relationships where every gesture is genuine and free from hidden expectations. Trust your intuition and honor your own well-being above all.
Take care.
He was hoping to screw you. I don’t even understand why you agreed to this. You’ve been talking to this guy for a week and he drives you 2 hrs away? He could’ve been a serial killer and buried you in the woods somewhere. This guy spent a lot of money on you. What else did you think he wanted to do? Play cards?
So he knew the bathroom door was locked, cause he tried it. While you were showering.
Fuck that dude, fully a creep.
You didn’t go wrong. He wanted to have sex with you and got insecure (when you weren’t enthusiastic) about trying to push you towards sex by paying for stuff. It was a clown move on his part to try and push you towards sex by paying for stuff. I don’t think it reflects well on him that he just abruptly is like Well I don’t like you and you don’t like me and we’re leaving! Seems like he has very low patience or low tolerance for feeling briefly awkward.
What I would do differently: I strongly recommend not fucking around with your coworkers. Coworkers can be friends, maaaybe.
First off, I wouldn’t have gone with him, the escort vibes, that was what he was paying for, you went along with it until you figured it out. I think the problem is and you admitted it yourself that you want nice things and will accept them, but you are not looking at what goes along with nice things. Commonsense would tell you, if he is offering this, what does he want in return. No guy is going to take you away and pay for it and not expect something in return. That is just a fact of life.