I’m 29 F he’s 30M together for 7 years married 3.The title said it all. The thing is he’s pinning the whole thing on me. He caught feelings for a female coworker he “said” he barely talks to. And it’s all because i’m not the same person i was 7 years ago. He said he lost his feelings for me about a month ago. I had a miscarriage a few weeks before and was still grieving. But he had feelings for this women for at least half a year. My heart is broken, i really want this baby and i don’t want our life to fall to bits. I know our relationship has been struggling. We agreed to go to therapy and he sais he’s gonna quit his job. I feel so betrayed and heartbroken. Especially because i had to ask him himself if there was another women involved and he lied about it first. Did some couples survive after getting into a similar situation? I appreciate the advice.
Edit for more context: i really want this baby i just don’t know if I can provide for it all by myself. I don’t have a family to rely on. Also starting over after 30 etc…
Our relationship has had issues. He resents me for keeping animals around he himself singed up for to adopt. And he hates the fact that i work fulltime. I tried working part-time but financially it wasn’t ideal. He sais i don’t have enough time for him because of these things.
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>The title said it all
There is so much to unpack with every sentence you shared here. Reddit can’t help you with something this in depth . This is something you need individual and couples counseling for.
There is so much more to cheating then just sex. Read this, I know it’s long, but it is worth reading. And then decide if you want to stay with him.
Cheating on someone you live with is absolutely insane. Think about it… you’re sharing a home, sharing a bed, sharing a life, and still choosing to betray the very person who sees you every single day. It’s not just a mistake. It’s not just “something that happened.” It’s a calculated, deliberate decision that takes a special kind of selfishness and disrespect.
When you live with someone, you’re not just sharing space… you’re sharing routines, responsibilities, intimate moments, vulnerable conversations. That person is waking up next to you, cooking meals with you, folding your laundry, building a home with you. They’re trusting you with their heart, their body, their safety, their peace. And to violate that trust under the same roof? To lie to their face every morning, every night, while hiding a betrayal in the background? That’s a different level of cruelty.
Cheating on someone you live with means coming home to the very person you’re betraying, looking them in the eyes, sitting on the couch next to them, eating dinner across from them, while carrying a secret that could shatter their entire world. It means pretending to love, pretending to care, pretending everything is fine, while creating emotional and physical chaos behind their back.
It’s insane because it’s not just about sex. It’s about the lies you have to tell to keep it going. It’s about the emotional distance you create every time you step outside that door with intentions you’re hiding. It’s about the audacity of using someone’s love, their trust, their home as a cover for your dishonesty. It’s about taking the security they gave you and turning it into a playground for betrayal.
When you live with someone, you’re supposed to be a team. A partnership. A safe place. Cheating destroys all of that. It doesn’t just break trust… it breaks everything. It turns the home into a battlefield, the bed into a lie, the shared memories into painful reminders. And the worst part? It’s so avoidable. You could’ve left. You could’ve been honest. You could’ve ended things instead of dragging someone through deceit.
Cheating on someone you live with shows a level of entitlement… the belief that you’re allowed to enjoy the benefits of commitment while behaving like you’re single. It’s wanting loyalty from someone you’ve already betrayed. It’s asking for forgiveness without ever offering faithfulness. It’s insane because it’s selfish. It’s cowardly. It’s unnecessary.
At the end of the day, if you’re unhappy, unfulfilled, tempted, curious… leave. Don’t sit in someone’s house, sleep in someone’s bed, accept someone’s love, and then spit in their face with betrayal. Cheating is always wrong… but cheating on the person you live with? That’s next-level disrespect. That’s cruelty wearing a smile. That’s destroying a home while still expecting to have a place in it.
And the truth is… anyone capable of doing that was never really worthy of sharing that space to begin with.
-Riyaz Shaikh
A baby won’t fix this especially if he’s blaming you for his affair.
Don’t go through with the pregnancy, and find someone better!
Is too late to a b ort? Cut the number one tie to that idiot.
You married too young. Wayyyyy too young.
He already admitted he lost feelings for you. He already cheated (whether emotionally, physically, or both – almost certainly both). And, he’s blaming his transgressions on you, like the child he is. He’s remorseless – you can’t come back from that.
Your relationship is done.
Now it’s time to decide if you still want to keep his child and what divorce lawyer you’re going to hire.
I hope therapy helps, bc he’s an AH to blame you for him straying. It’s a cop out and doesn’t exemplify genuine remorse. It merely provides some fucked up justification for something that’s inexcusable. If he can’t take ownership for this, then he will continue to find reasons in the future to do it again and blame you. And I guarantee it won’t be just emotional affairs.
I know it hurts, but remind yourself that you are only treated in the way you allow people to treat you.
You have to bear in mind at this point, that if you keep the baby then you’re tied to him for life.
Yes he can move jobs but there will always be women around so I think it’s more important to address his reasons for ‘straying’ in therapy first.
Have you talked just you two about what you both want? Do you still love each other? Are you still compatible? If not, the time for a baby might not be right now, it’s difficult at the best of times, let alone without a supportive partner
So you’re saying you were grieving the loss of a miscarriage and in that time he felt less connected to you about a month ago and lost feelings when you had a miscarriage? If that’s the case it sounds like your husband is only self interested. I want to explain more, but in general I would leave him. Someone who cheats will likely cheat again. If he isn’t kissing your feet and doing anything and everything to make this right then good bye. I think he’s not the same person you married, more or less his own projection
don’t trust a liar, again. is it too late to abort? or divorce and get custody and child support? the odds don’t favor a liar suddenly flying straight. oh, and he wants to quit his job? who will be supporting your giant baby and infant? that’s right, you will be. the parade of red flags would lead me to call the lawyers nowwwww.
Wife: I’m pregnant
Husband: I’m quitting my job
Really? In this economy? Do you realize that people out of work right now have been unemployed and looking for a job for up to and past a FULL YEAR?
Yes, it’s that bad right now. You both have more expenses coming up that will continue for 18 years.
Do either of you want to save this marriage?
I’d seriously consider all my options. Don’t rush any decision. Good luck hunny, this must be so hard for you. Make sure that you… be good to you, first. Your husband sounds selfish and exhausting.
Divorce. He’s looking elsewhere and will continue to do so. He’s already cheated and not just emotionally. If you work you two can separate and see where it goes from there. Don’t be in a loveless marriage because you’re scared. You wouldn’t be the first single parent. Good luck.
Whether you keep the pregnancy or not, this relationship has run its course. He doesn’t accept responsibility and lacks the emotional intelligence to be a good husband.
What you want and what you have are wildly different.
He will not magically become the man you need him to be. He’s already betrayed you and refused to take responsibility. How do you imagine you’ll suddenly get the magical life you want? It will not be with him.
You need to consider how to live without him in your life. What would that look like. How would you accomplish it?
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this at such a vulnerable time. But better now than later when you’re even more out of options.