My husband (30m) and I (33f) have been together for 15 years, married for 10. We separated very recently when I found out he slept with (27f) and he moved out so they could be together. Still legally married and as far as I am aware nothing was filed yet except child custody and support. (Though divorce could be soon) Last night we met up during an event for a shared interest and ended up sleeping together. I haven’t slept with anyone since the split and didn’t plan on it until after the divorce, however things just kind of happened when he was driving me home due to ride issues. He said after the fact that he couldn’t cheat on his gf like that again and made me swear I wouldn’t say anything to her about it or post about us being at the event together because she doesn’t like us talking. He doesn’t see him being with her right now as him cheating on me but him sleeping with me as cheating on her. After talking to her a few weeks ago, too, she doesn’t see herself as a mistress because he and I didn’t sleep together the week they had sex and separated right after when I found out. I’m wondering what other people would think in this type of situation. Can a man cheat on his mistress with his wife? Am I the other woman here?
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> Am I the other woman here?
Do you think it fucking well matters at this point? He moved out to be with her, clearly has no qualms about fucking whoever is nearest, as you were at that moment – and you’re worried about the terminology? What’s the point of it? Pride? Having something over her?
You are now but she was then. You’re no longer in a relationship with him but he is in a relationship with her. So him sleeping with you now is him cheating on her even if you aren’t divorced.
Does she know he slept with you? Because he sounds like serial cheater.
wtf? Firstly, it really doesn’t matter if he thinks he cheated or not. What matters is that he’s asking you not to tell the woman he is currently with. If I were you, I would tell that woman and I would cut them both out of my life forever. The guy is a manipulative jerk who doesn’t respect you or care about you.
File for divorce and tell her you slept with him. Don’t let him dictate your life anymore.
this is the timeline:
-he cheated on you with her
-you guys separated because of that cheating (and hopefully will start the process of divorce)
-he then slept with you, while now with her
so yes, besides cheated on you, he has also cheated on her.
you are both the ‘other woman’
My dear, where is your self-respect?!!!! Never speak to this man (outside of the needs of your child) ever again. And absolutely tell th other woman so that she can move on with her life, too.
If you want revenge, tell her. If you want leverage, tell him you might tell her. If you want a better life, divorce and move on.
Girl, get a divorce and don’t see him again. How much are you going to let him disrespect you inside and outside of the relationship?? Please…
I read a response saying you are Autistic so im not trying to be mean im just gonna be direct and straight that was his way of seeing if he can sleep with both of you he is using you and will try to have sex with you again divorce him and dont sleep with him again
Jesus christ, this guy is a piece of work.
Why on earth would you keep his secret? Get that divorce started, and if the mistress asks, tell her the truth.
I would concentrate on getting this guy out of your life.
You the side piece to your husband
Your husband is the worst, but you need therapy. You have way too much of your self-esteem tied up in this, and frankly, your backsliding into sleeping with this asshole means you need clarity. Professional help can give you that.
You need to establish boundaries for your and your child’s sake and forget about what he and his mistress think. Yes, she is still a mistress because she knowingly got involved with a married man. That doesn’t change just because they want to pretend there is a great love story attached. We already know he isn’t in love with her because he was so willing to sleep with you. And he most likely is sleeping with others. But that is not your concern here. You need to extricate yourself from that horror show of a relationship and not allow them to keep sucking you back in.
Your STBX husband is living for the control he has over both of you. So, stop doing this to yourself. Stop falling for his bullshit and get some help so that you can set boundaries to co-parent without backsliding into bed with his slimy ass.
I get it. He cheated and it hurt your self-esteem, but you didn’t win anything by sleeping with him. He would have slept with anyone given the right circumstances. So, now it’s time to get your self-respect back by seeing him for what he is and getting help to set better boundaries so you can parent without his narcissistic nonsense.
One. He used you. Stop talking to him. Stop seeing him. And tell the gf.
He’s not in a position to dictate what the gf finds out or not. She just experienced a variation on “if they’ll cheat to be with you, they’ll cheat on you with someone else” or “marry a cheater, get cheated on” or whatever it is.
I would tell her. First of all, even though she’s trash (her self-definition of not having cheated doesn’t pass the smell test), she should know. I would do it for spite, but it also happens to be the right thing to do.
Also, don’t ever sleep with him again. You’re rewarding him for hurting you and it’s basically abuse at this point.
Tell her. And Updateme
Oh I didn’t have any issue with the sleeping with others thing. I just didn’t like the lying and hiding things part. The hung up on the filing part was for clarification purposes on if I’d be considered the other woman in this situation in which nothing had been filed. I’m autistic and honesty just trying to clarify a bit. Maybe I didn’t get my points across very clear. I’m not the best at explaining myself.
Kind of a moot point.
Im sorry but mistress is dumb if she thinks her married boyfriend isn’t going to have sex with his wife. You owe her nothing. Have no contact with her. Have sex with him all you want, mistress deserves it. I would also have sex with one of your husbands unmarried friends or coworkers and make sure he finds out. Its not the high road, but damn revenge feels good!
It doesn’t matter. He’s a cheater. Divorce him and move on.
The technicality that you are still married doesn’t count much if you are in seperation to get divorced. From that moment on you are broken up – at least in my book. So your stb-ex-husband just proved that once a cheater always a cheater is true. And yes it makes you the other woman in this case since you both decided to seperate and to not stay together. At that point his mistress became his girlfriend.
You slept with him and shouldn’t have it happens. You don’t need to contact her unless you want to but it most likely won’t change much. He is just having his cake and eating it too. You should get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings. Hopefully you can move on and you get the respect you deserve.
It doesn’t matter who you are at this point. Who HE is is a POS. And you’re the woman who slept with someone, knowing he’s a POS.
Leave this entire toxic mess behind you. Have some self respect!
Ugh … as others are saying it doesn’t matter at this point. I’d be smart to get checked for stds … he clearly has zero morals and it’s hard to say who all he’s dicking. Dust yourself off and go on about your life. Cut contact as much as possible; don’t accept rides, don’t be alone with him. I like the idea of letting the gossip mill take care of making sure she finds out.
Chalk this up to a mistake and don’t let it happen again.
You aren’t the other woman, he’s just trying to hate you feel less than. This guy is a manipulative AH. Block him and move on.
File for divorce. It seems you’re in limbo about this. It’s good child support is taken care of but cut the cord on the marriage. Your husband is a toxic waste of a man. I suggest you also get tested for STDs because if he cheated on you (and now her…this is dumb as hell since you’re his wife), he’s likely to be grating with other people.
Updateme
This guy is a cheating POS I would go straight to that home wrecker and burst her pathetic love bubble. Although she probably won’t believe you with out proof. I would still do it, and love every minute of it
You and hubby are separated and heading to divorce. He can’t cheat on you now, though he likely did before. He’s cheating on his gf and you owe him nothing. Tell the gf, she would want to know.
Tell her and continue on with the divorce…. Neither of them had loyalty to you nor gave two sh*ts about you so who should you keep his home happy by keeping his secret
File for divorce and tell her everything.
He’s trying to have his cake and eat it too and you’re making it very easy for him. He doesn’t get to solely determine what your relationship is nor does he get to determine who and what you talk about. He’s trying to control the damage he’s doing to both of his relationships by putting you off after sleeping with you. So he gets to have all fun with no consequences.
Here’s the biggest red flag 🚩 for me: he’s chosen to remain loyal to his girlfriend but hasn’t started divorcé proceedings? This is pretty suspicious to me. Most of the time, the cheating party jumps to divorce first so they can control the narrative and catch you off guard. Plus filing first gives you certain advantages.
Is there a reason he might be delaying the divorce? Is he trying to collect evidence against you for something? Is he trying to just let it go and stay married, thereby gaining access to your assets in case something happens? Is he just hoping he won’t have to go though all the processes because he’s lazy or not motivated?
Something tells me he has something in the works after this, probably a nasty surprise serving of divorce papers at work or something horrible like that.
Take back control from this animal.