My husband 33M had an emotional affair with a coworker 27F for a year and a half. He lied to me 30F about his feelings and then went behind my back and told her he loved her then told me he told her that and expected me to end our 7 year marriage and we have a 1 year old. I was devastated and told him I wanted to work on things. For 2 weeks he sat around angry at me for not leaving him and feeling upset because he hurt her feelings but had to regard for me or my feelings. She had given him a penny keychain that he had on his keys. We went to counseling and it was a rough 2 months but things started to get better. And for the last 2 months things have been great. I told him I wanted him to remove the keychain from his keys because it made me uncomfortable. He did and I didn’t see it for months. Until 2 days ago I saw it on top of his wallet. Then I didn’t see it and assumed he put it away. Turns out he is carrying it on him everyday with his wallet. He doesn’t have any of the keychains I gave him on his keys. He doesn’t have any pictures of me in his wallet nor does he use the lighter I got him. I already felt so betrayed and lied to and now this feels like a whole new level. I have so many questions about how he felt that I will never get answers to and I don’t know how to approach this situation. I feel like things have been very good between us but now I question everything and I don’t know if he truly wants to be with me or he is just here because of our daughter. I’m so sad and I just don’t know what to do moving forward. Do I talk to him or just let it go and work on not letting it bother me that he carries it with him?
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He was upset that he had to prioritize you and not his work wife? Honestly, why did you even want to rekindle things with him? I’m not seeing anything in here about why this guy isn’t just a POS.
Why are you staying with him? He is a terrible person! That is still an emotional connection to the other woman
Are you still in therapy? Maybe you could bring this up in a session. However, it sounds like he’s going through the motions but nothing is actually improving. Carrying this around makes me think he hasn’t moved on and it’s very possible he’s still cheating. I’m not sure why you would want to continue trying with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. I understand it’s hard to leave and there is a child involved. It took me years to come to this realization myself. Wouldn’t you want better for your child or a family member or best friend if they were in your position?
Make your plans and leave the Mf
Find a man that keeps your pic on his Keychain
Why are you with this cheating man child?
At first I really wanted to work on things. He should have told me his feelings when he first felt them so we could work on issues but he didn’t. I tried telling him in the past how I felt and he just brushed me off. Our counselor just left the practice and things have been going very good and have been different. But this seems like a slap in the face to me and it has made me reevaluate things. I don’t want to leave but he showed me his true colors and now I am thinking maybe I should leave. But I love our family time
What is the point of staying in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to be with you? He’s a liar and a cheater, and he has been clear he prefers the other woman. You’re torturing yourself for no reason!
He doesn’t want to fix things. He is acting cruel to make you take the leap to leave him so he feels like less of the bad guy. I’m sure if you look closer, you’ll discover he hasn’t actually stopped the affair OR he’s doing other little cruel things to grate at you so you’ll leave him. Some people are cowards that way.
Tell him if he’s not willing to do the work, HE is free to leave the marriage at any time. He needs to stop pushing you to make that choice for him.
Take the time at individual counseling to grieve your marriage and to prepare for the inevitable. You may have to choose to leave him yourself (but don’t leave the house, etc. just serve him papers). If the cheater doesn’t show remorse and so the work, the marriage will never recover.
… but he wants you to leave him… Why do you think he’ll put the keychain away? What are you confused about?
OP, work on your exit strategy. Don’t waste time on keychains and lighters. Save money and start thinking logistics.
I have successfully R but I would not ask for R under your circumstances. He is betraying you and chipping away at your dignity. You can’t even proudly say that he regrets it and wanted to fight for your love. You will grow to resent him and he will not burry his feelings for her. In fact, he will long for her because he could not pursue the fantasy.
I understand you have a one year old, but why would you want to be with a man who obviously still fantasizes about another woman? Don’t you think you deserve to be a man’s true one and only love?
Relationships require two people who are both putting in work in order to function properly. Are you both still going to counseling? The way you worded things, it sounds like your husband had no remorse and was hoping you’d let him go so he wouldn’t have to feel like the bad guy that cheated and left you.
Is this really the type of relationship you want to model for your child? Is this really how you want to be treated? You cannot control your partner. If he wants the keychain he’s obviously going to want to hold on to it. Even if you force it into the trash his longing of her memory will still be there. Personally, if you have the ability and support, it’s probably time you prioritize loving yourself and letting this man go figure out his head from a hole in the ground.
I mean this in the kindest possible way: if this is what things being good between you looks like, you need to raise your standards by a LOT.
You and your daughter deserve so much better than your inconsiderate, selfish, disrespectful, cheating prick of a husband
Youre obliging someone to stay with you when he doesn’t… it’s awful and sad, specially with a baby. But he clearly doesn’t want to be there
He loves her and wants to be with her. You should let him. Don’t let him destroy you
Divorce him babe and provide all evidence of cheating take him for everything he has and go treat yourself to a nice vacation. He doesn’t respect, love, or deserve you.
I’m sorry to admit I just need your headline. You leave that bastard.
If he’s still there, meaning that he was given a second chance, he should be making no more dickhead mistakes. What a fucking asshole.
Where is your self respect?……think of your child and yourself…..
He doesn’t want to be with you and you know this. He was disappointed when you didn’t leave him, your own words! He doenst want or be with you but doesn’t want to be the one to leave because he doesn’t want to be the “bad guy”. The real question is why do you still want to be with him? You deserve better! Leave and move on.
and they still work together? i’m sorry but that man’s heart is no longer with you
He doesn’t want to be with you, he wants to be with her. You should leave and find someone who wants you.
For 2 weeks he sat around angry because you didn’t leave him? Really? And you want to work things out with this man? Obviously his heart is not with you. Give him what he wants, leave.
Why stay in a marriage when the other is done with it. Staying is just a constant reminder that you’re not wanted or loved by him.
I struggle with the concept of an “emotional” affair. In my culture we’re judged by our actions, not thoughts. He made a connection and you’re taking that as a personal attack. He didn’t act on it and kept his vows. Wait till you hear about bromances.
It’s a keychain. You don’t own this man. You need to decide now what you want but you can’t keep harassing him and controlling him.
You can’t have every part of him and you need to understand that.
Girl !! Dump him
He had the audacity to be mad at you because you didn’t leave him
You deserve better. Stop begging for his love .
How would you feel if your daughter wrote this about her relationship?
I would wipe out the account and pack all my shit and make him pay for the movers and divorce lawyer.
Fuck that. Not everything is worth saving.
Get that keychain, put it on a chain and wear it as a necklace that hangs over your heart and wait for him to bring it up. Should make for interesting conversations.
You’ve already expressed your feelings about the keychain so I think it would be pointless to talk to him again. He knows what the keychain represents yet continues to keep it—that should be enough to help you make a decision about this relationship. IMO, stop investing your time on this one-sided marriage. You should need to beg to be loved.
UpdateMe!
He’s probably going to start resenting you for making him leave his affair partner.. he won’t throw away the keychain because he hasn’t moved on from her.
I understand why you’d want to work things out for the sake of your family but I don’t think this asshole deserves you, OP. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through and I hope you have a good support system around you to help.