How do I get over my husband having an affair for 9 months while working in another state. He expects me to get over it quickly. We have been married over 30 years!! I AM SO ANGRY!!!
Husband Cheated
r/Advice
How do I get over my husband having an affair for 9 months while working in another state. He expects me to get over it quickly. We have been married over 30 years!! I AM SO ANGRY!!!
Comments
Show him how it feels
Talk to him about it. If he talks so lightly about it, how can you trust him to not do it again? Maybe couples therapy is a good option, if you want to try and go on with him.
Talk to a lawyer and a counselor. The lawyer to advise you if you wish to separate and the counselor to help you work out your feelings. Good luck!
Wtf, forget last 30 years, byeeeeeeeeee
I would be angry too
As someone whose mum was cheated on by her dad and she stayed I can give you it from both sides
My dad cheated, she forgave him and he continued to do it. He openly admitted as he got older that did this because she forgave him and it opened the door for him to continue to do it because she forgave him. All he had to do was grovel and she forgave. As he’s older and he’s now in his late 60s he has major regret but regardless he did what he did and it broke my mums heart. He hasn’t done anything in over 10 years but she STILL doesn’t trust him.
From my mum she doesn’t trust him anymore and hasn’t since the first time. It’s got to the point where she’s quite numb to it and it’s heartbreaking to see sometimes.
I somewhat wish my mum had left when he first did it so he couldn’t continue to hurt her. I love my dad but I’ll never agree with what he did. My honest advice is to leave. I think once the trust has gone it’s extremely hard to regain it (if it even can be regained). And the fact he’s expecting you to get over it quickly he clearly doesn’t see it as a big deal! Not to mention it went on for nine months!!! He knew what he was doing and he continued to go back. Please leave! You deserve better
it’s hard and I hope you find the strength to do it but it’s a next ciao
You have every right to be angry 30 years is no small thing. Healing takes time, and no one gets to rush your process.
Get over it by showing him the door and taking everything he has
You don’t need to get over him cheating, you need to get over him. You gave him 30 years, you deserved better than what he gave you in the end. You should go live your life for you now.
You could do the same and tell him to get over it (quickly).
You leave him, that’s how you get over it
Yeah that’s definitely not the right way for him to be approaching this
“Affair Recovery” helped me a ton, but at the end of the day it’s going to be your decision to forgive (and set yourself free) and your decision to stay or not. But beforehand you should definitely educate yourself. No one should advise you unless they’ve been in your (our) shoes.
30 years of marriage and he threw it away for 9 months of lies
Have your own affair.
Get a divorce unless you prefer to stay for convenience. Then your husband is right. get over it.
What do you mean “he expects” he lost his right to expect or demand 💩 from you when he stuck his junk into someone else. Kick his nasty a** to the nearest curb and call a 🦈 attorney! He’s 🤮
He expects you to get over it? You don’t get over it cause he told you to get over it If you can’t get a lawyer and start proceedings to kick him out. As a man, if my sisters came told me this I would be furious.
Who says you have to?
I seriously doubt this was his first time. Just the first time he got caught.
Hello! Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your husband having an affair. That is always inexcusable behavior no matter the situation however it makes the situation that more heartbreaking because you two were married for 30+ years. Here’s what I would say. This may go against what most people are saying but I truly do believe that this advice would help. I’ve noticed that most people giving advice to you are telling you to leave him and basically get a divorce. I would recommend not immediately jumping to this decision. Here’s the advice I would give. 1) You two need to sit down and have a serious conversation. You need to be completely honest with him about how what he did completely broke your heart and how it made you feel. He needs to be completely honest during this conversation as well. Lay all of your feelings on the table until you two each understand the others point of view. 2) Couples Counseling/Individual Counseling I absolutely would recommend that you two BOTH go to couples counseling. This will help better understand each other, help in the relationship, help with the wounds in the relationship, and give you BOTH much needed clarity that you two very much need during this time. I think you should two take these two steps. I highly recommend you not to just end your marriage just like that. Again what he did was absolutely inexcusable/terrible and you two need to have a very serious talk and honest talk about that and the marriage and I think the talk as well as you two going to couples counseling will help you get the clarity needed to make a good decision. Hope this helps!
You’ve been together 30 years…I bet money this isn’t the first time
Kick his ass out
A 9 month affair? That’s not an affair. That’s a relationship. Consider seeing an attorney to discuss divorce. Good luck.
Do you have kids with the husband?
Do you ve got money? Just leave him.
If your forgive him believe it or not later on he will not respect you – and maybe even do it again – that’s the crazy part … you can also tell by remorse if the person is not borderline suicidal because of their mistake it ain’t worth even exploring –
As a male that has cheated in a marriage and was cheated on in my marriage, I would say that you can’t just get over it . My Ex and I parted after trying to salvage the marriage without any sound guidance or remedy . It took me about 7 years of shadow work , deep study , reflection and being accountable for my choices before I felt good about what I really was . All I can say is if he doesn’t look at his motivations and takes accountability and actively work on changing his life and character then it won’t work . Most of all you have to look at why you would stay and how you can feel safe in the marriage; if he’s not willing to actively work on himself you should leave . I was in May marriage for 22 years and together for twenty three years. I am in a good space due to what I decided to do to move differently. Please take care of yourself and don’t be afraid to walk away.
If he’s really into reconciling, he will be sincerely remorseful and feel awful about himself and your pain that he caused. Sounds like he just is purely selfish. Take your time to figure out what you want but you’re entitled to every angry thought. Whether you vent it out on him is a different story. Lawyer up. Get a counselor. Take your time to figure out what you wish to do but he’s going to have to do some heavy work to prove he can be a safe and loyal partner and rebuild trust. Doesn’t sound like he’s trying to do that. Sounds like you’re the back up plan when his affair ended.
Well you can get Half of Everything or more.
Get a lawyer and don’t get over it.
Get your half of the bank accounts out now. Before he does. Don’t leave the house. Leave the bed room. Sleep anywhere just not with him.
I hate the idea of spouses being apart for months and months at a time. Not all spouses cheat, but plenty of people who would be faithful for their entire life if they lived under the same roof as their spouse will wander when living separately long-term.
Military relationship have cheating at more than double the rates of civilian relationships, and while it’s not the whole reason for it, deployments are a huge reason for that disparity.
It’s up to you whether or not you can get over it, but I wouldn’t live separate from your husband again in the future if you want to avoid this happening again, and I hope this is a beneficial cautionary tale for others considering living far apart for extended periods of time.
Who says you have to get over it?
You have every right to be, and stay, angry. Get over it, don’t get over it, stay with him, leave him, speak to him at some point, or simply shut him out. It’s your choice. Your feelings are all valid.
I would suggest seeking professional help to work through such an awful betrayal. Your husband sounds like a self-absorbed, selfish ass.
You do not. Are you financially independent ?
I don’t know if I would ever get over it.
Sorry you’re going through this… ❤️
Did he only end it because the work ended there? He does not respect you. I don’t think he cares the damage he’s done. Move quietly and talk to a lawyer asap. See what your options look like. Go as full scorched earth as you legally can.