Has any wife been through this?
my husband always disrespects me in front of his family.
Yesterday we went out with his parents. I calmly asked if I could have a small cupcake as I was craving. He didnt acknowledge it. I asked for it four times. No acknowledgment at all. His mother asked for a drink and it came in seconds. This made me feel bad.
He doesn’t have any emotions for me. Yesterday was the worst, he left me crying at night in our room and went to sleep at the couch in living room. I saw him sleeping after sometime and gave him a blanket as it was cold. I could still feel he was awake. He still didnt bother. What could be done to save such a relationship?
Husband disrespects wife
r/Advice
Comments
>I calmly asked if I could have a small cupcake as I was craving
why do you have to ask for his permission? he’s not your father an you are not a child. If you want something get it yourself. You dont need him to do it for you.
It’s weird for me, as a husband, to understand why you were asking for a cupcake. Maybe you can elaborate on this further.
Couples counseling and go from there. Individual therapy as needed, particularly if he’s unwilling to go to couples counseling. May lead to break up or a better relationship, either way, should have a better future. Best.
weird that he was ignoring you but why didn’t you just order the cupcake yourself
Why do you have to ask him for a cupcake? Can’t you just get one for yourself?
It’s 2025. Get your own cupcake.
I don’t think she was asking permission so much as for him to get it for her? I would not be asking more that once, that’s for sure. I would be getting up to get my own.
What country do you live in that you are required to ask your husband’s permission for a cupcake?
If you are at a restaurant, order it yourself.
You’re obviously feeling ignored and “less than”; but I, for one, need more info on your relationship with husband to have an opinion.
Do you really want to save this relationship? I really don’t think he loves you or cares what you have to say. Maybe it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee and realize you made a terrible mistake marrying someone who’d be okay with treating you like that. You also seem like a pushover, you try to avoid fights and conflict and go out of your way to be caring. Him getting out of bed to sleep on the couch instead of being there for you says all that I needed to know. He doesn’t love you, I’m sorry, he just doesn’t. Probably best to move on.
Each and every dignified woman would consider the husband’s attitudes described in this post as barbarous and dangerous. Dangerous because, in the light of her enduring the suffering there’s clearly a dictatorship in place and dictators enjoy cruelty. OP’s question is out of order? Her husband’s motivation “to save the relationship” is considerably below zero. The appropriate question to ask is “What could I do to save myself from a life of abuse?”
I think she was asking him to pass her a cupcake, and he ignored her request four times. He then rushed to please his mom right when he heard her ask for something. He then made it obvious he didn’t care that she was in grief later on, and also didn’t acknowledge the blanket she placed over him.
OP, if you’re not being loved, respected, and appreciated by your man then that man has to go. There’s no need for you to put yourself through such misery. If I ever knew my wife was crying about anything then I’d be there for her, atleast as a shoulder.
Why do you want to save such a relationship? Because it’s the “right” thing to do?
Success in a relationship is not measured by the ability to give in time after time after time. It’s about knowing your worth so well that you take no crap while still being able to contribute in positive ways.
Why would you want to save this relationship? He doesn’t like you and neither do his parents. If they did, they wouldn’t stand for the way he treats you. Everyone deserves to be around people who love them. Wishing you the best!
What you have is very broken. The fact that you asked 4 times and he still did not pass the cupcake says it all. I bet your mother-in-law did not even want the water, but she just wanted you to see that she got what she asked for at the table, and you did not. I am assuming here that you all were eating at the table. I think it is either time for counseling (it sounds like he wouldn’t want to participate), or you just leave him. If he feels comfortable disrespecting you in front of others, it means they are ok with it as well. Does he make comments in front of everyone about your weight or other insulting remarks? Honestly, it sounds like there is something more going on with his disrespect for you, like cause and effect.
(CAUSE); Is he acting suspicious at home? Not coming home on time, or late meetings, or him hanging with friends without you? Is he extra possessive of his phone and where he leaves it, taking it with to the shower, or leaving the room to talk on the phone quietly? These all could be signs of something else going on, and the (EFFECT) result is how he treats you in private and with family and friends.
Sometimes, it’s really not clear to the partner who is on the receiving end of insulting behavior or hard to see the bigger picture of what’s truly going on behind the scene. Start looking for clear signs like this, and if you see that yes, he is, in fact, he is acting suspect, do not confront him yet. Find proof first, then take it directly to an attorney. If finances are not clear, start looking into that as well. PROTECT YOURSELF. Do not give him a heads up because that’s when your proof starts disappearing. If he simply is just an asshole, you can’t fix that, and it’s time for a divorce anyway.
Sounds like a cultural thing. Not all men are like that.
Id get a divorce and eat 2 cupcakes.
Regarding his leaving you crying in the bedroom while he slept in the couch. After a fight both parties need to cool off. You need to talk with hubby and go to couples counselling.
Oh no, hon, if you want a cupcake, get a cupcake. Get a great big one.
If it’s cold at night, he is a whole grown man and can get his own blanket if he’s chilly. I assume he has working legs and arms, right?
The only way to save it is if he wants to, and he doesn’t sound like he likes you very much. Why do you want to save a marriage like this?
Why do you want to save a relationship with no respect?
Why didn’t you get the cupcake yourself? Seems odd you keep asking.
I will say, this sounds like something fixable with counseling. You’re not feeling heard and even feel disrespected because he seems to easily hear/acknowledge others. I’m sure you feel like you have to tell him what you need a lot. Sometimes is normal because no one is a mind reader but if it feels like your husband isn’t “learning you” and you’re banging your head up against the wall, it’s time for counseling.
Using the phrase “when you did it made me feel ” can feel a little cringy and scripted but using direct dialogue can help you make sure you’re not being misunderstood. His response will give you a chance to see if he really listens and cares how you feel or if he’s going to blow it off as if you having feelings is a problem.
This behavior hurts when it happens all the time. But it’s salvageable if he cares about how you feel.
Two things stuck out to me:
“I calmly asked”, why would pointing out it was a calm request be something to note? Are you usually quite dramatic?
“He left me crying”, what are your expectations in this scenario? Do you verbalize what you want? Is there a chance he likes to be left alone when he is upset, so he assumes you prefer the same thing? Or is you crying a frequent thing? Do you use crying to manipulate and he is burnt out?
You didn’t point out instances of disrespect. Maybe the things you point out are a lack of care, and like he is checked out. Have you had honest conversations about what each of your expectations are, whether they are reasonable expectations, and how you are meeting them or missing the mark?
That sounds really painful.
Why would you wanna save such a shit relationship?
Why would you want to save this relationship? This guy acts like he gives zero shits about you. Quit taking care of him and take care of yourself. He sure isn’t going to.
Get your own fucking cupcake and ask for nothing. Also stop giving so much. Make home ask you for what he wants.
Maybe it’s something that you said or did before that you thought it was normal or okay that got him upset. Revise yourself, Cuz if he’s acting up on his own then that’s a problem, and you need to face it, stand up for yourself! And also you have to make him taste his own medicine!
Don’t put the blanket on him even when it’s cold, also when you think that it’s wrong! Let him feel that he did something wrong!