Okay so I just found out I’m pregnant a couple days ago (I must only be 4-5 weeks) & I told my husband the following day that I took the test.
He was not happy at all. Not once has he smiled. It has been nothing but complaints about not being ready, and we “ruined our lives” and we will never be successful now.
For context, we both have full time jobs… live in a luxury high rise apartment with 2 luxury cars and money is not a problem. (Although it’s all he thinks about and to him it IS a problem) Because we got married recently, we also added some debt onto what we already have. I think we have a decent amount of debt of course, but money comes back…. He has legit asked me if abortion is legal anywhere near us as we live in Texas and can’t do it here.
I just can’t even believe this is a conversation between a husband and a wife who have established a life together for the last almost 5 years. I told him in the beginning of the relationship that kids were a non-negotiable for me, and he stayed with me, we moved across the country together and got married So wtf?
Comments
Yeah, wtf. Sorry to hear this is happening to you.
Wow I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You deserve excitement, support, and love right now not panic and pressure. It’s incredibly hurtful that he’s reacting this way after everything you’ve built together. Please don’t forget that your feelings are valid 🤍
I’d have the baby and divorce my husband. He never will want kids, and God blessed you with a child.
OP, please keep your beautiful Blessing🙏 and ditch your husband. He is a poor excuse of a man.
I’m sorry to ask but how old are you and your husband?
For me having a kid with the one you love is a blessing …
I feel weird that your husband is going this route ?
Who have bring the debt ? As an external view it seem your husband have something to hide …
See a lawyer. Start separating finances. When is your lease up? Can he take it over himself?
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if he doesn’t want children – then he should be sure to have surgery to prevent himself from getting into this situation.
Certainly, he should have discussed birth control with you
Keep the baby, divorce the boy and suck him dry of all his money. Mwahahaha
High rise and luxury is what he wants while earning and paying down debt. Lots of people want to get ahead before they settle down and change their lives forever. Still doesn’t make how he is handling it ok but it doesn’t surprise me that he hates the timing.
Oof. I’m sorry this is happening. I want to say, whatever you choose is ok. I worry that he will end up resenting you and the baby if you stay with him and keep the baby. No one should be facing that terrible choice.
Do you have friends around you that you can lean on? Your spouse is being an absolute douche. He is part of this too, and if he didn’t want kids he should have told you and bagged it up. He’s acting like a child.
If you can find one, get a therapist and see if your husband will go too. If he won’t, go alone and see if you can examine some of this a little with their help. It won’t fix it, and it won’t make your choice for you. But it will help you voice some of the thoughts and feelings you are having, since apparently you can’t trust your husband to be a human being in this particular moment.
/Hugs
He doesn’t want a baby or a child right now. I find it hard to believe that you always wanted kids and you are just now newly married and suddenly an “accidental” pregnancy occurs(?)
Did you guys talk about waiting till later or years down the road ?
Yeah, motherfucker needs to man up. He was willing to have sex with you and apparently not pull out so that’s how this works. Its understandable to maybe be caught off guard if you two weren’t trying but that should have been like a 20 second reaction followed by embracing you and being amped about being a future dad. Some people just aren’t ready to give up the carefree lifestyle of double income and no kids and that is understandable but he played the game. It is a complete change to how your lives and your relationship will continue as you will always be considering the child first in every decision and it’s a hard pill to swallow for a lot of guys because they will take a backseat to the care and well-being of the child. He needs to grow the fuck up and make you feel good about this.
When you talked to him about having kids before you got married, what did he say? You say you told him you wanted them, did he?
I’m so sorry this is horrible
Mexico is an option
Your husband is frightened, you became pregnant sooner then he would have liked, I think he will calm down.
Offer to get rid of your luxury car and have a plan to pay off the debt and set a budget for 3 years including child care etc. show him in money terms as this seems to be his language of choice. If not, perhaps he’s not the partner for you, and having a child with him is a bad idea.
Girl, he knew kids were your dealbreaker from day one and still said “I do” just to act brand new now?? Nah. You’re not crazy for feeling blindsided he had five years to bring this up. He’s acting like you sprung a baby on him mid-vacation, not like y’all are married adults with jobs and a roof.
It’s normal for him to be this worried! No matter how successful one is! Just help him understand, that life is not going to be perfect and you just got to adjust with the changes!
Perhaps he’s just scared. Maybe he’s afraid he will scar his child the way he was. Perhaps a bit of ocd will ruin his financial planning.
Take a breath and sit down and talk to him again.
My best friend just went through this a year ago. Her husband legit told her get rid of it. This was baby number 6. He has a grown child. She has 3 and this would be baby number 2 that was both theirs.
He ignored every doctor appointment. Never asked her once how she was feeling. Since their daughter arrived a year ago he barely talks to her. Completely ignores the baby.
There are many other issues with this marriage as well. All of her friends are begging her to just divorce his lazy awful ass.
Anyway, I’m saying all of this because I’m certain many folks will say “ he will be fine when baby arrives”.
Don’t let him bully you into doing something you don’t want to do but be prepared for a bad outcome as well.
Oh and tell him what we told our friends husband. You should have used a condom then. You didn’t create this baby alone! My friends husband was supposed to have gotten a vasectomy but just never got around to doing it. But completely blamed her for getting pregnant. 😡
Wow! Where would he be if his mother took the same position? Hint! Life is precious. If he doesn’t want children there are plenty of people ( I know a couple right now trying unsuccessfully trying to have children.) want to adopt.
The same exact thing happened to me. My daughter is a honeymoon baby after being on birth control for over 15 yrs. I went off bc just before the wedding because I thought it would take awhile to get pregnant. We discussed it ahead of time and both knew what the chances were. BAM – welcome little one!
I think you should enjoy this time, start really taking care of yourself, get excited & get ready. Give home some time to process & then sit down (when you’re both regulated) and have a serious conversation with him. You need to find out if he’s with you 100% on this or not. If he’s not 100% then you’ll need to separate. He can’t be 99% on board- it won’t work.
Why didn’t you discuss it with him (???) before you went off BC? He has every right to leave you
These are convos you need to update all the time and see if you’re still together on things.
You’re not gonna like me for this but given he told you he’s fine with never having kids, even though you don’t want to you might need to divorce him. He will stress you out this whole pregnancy complaining about the baby. He might leave. He might not even be there for the delivery. If you knew you guys had opposite ideas about building a family why did you still marry him?
My advice for you given you want to keep the baby, is sit him down and have a long talk. If he’s not willing to be a dad, start splitting things up for the divorce and call a mediator. Make sure you don’t take on any of his debts nor he yours.
Cannot believe his reaction. He is not dad material .
It required his involvement to make the baby btw. Sounds like he’s acting you virgin Mary’d this baby into existence
Strange, what did he think would happen?