My husband had a hidden folder with an old fwb, but he basically “stole” her pictures by screenshotting them over WhatsApp. He had her on Instagram so I dont understand why he felt the need to do that. To me, it seems very creepy that he would do that. When I confronted him about it he said they were like “trophies”.
He also masturbated over these non sexual photos, which confuses me even more. I mentioned they wern’t even sexual in nature photos, and he responded with they didn’t need to be sexual to masturbate to them. It literal turns my stomach thinking of it.
Am I over reacting?
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No you’re not. Leave while you can, that sounds exhausting.
he said they were like “trophies”
🤢 (NOR)
No. The fact that it’s a real person from his past is troubling. Moreover he essentially stalked her for his fap fodder.
Please, how can I convince you that you are not overreacting.
That’s creepy and a huge red flag calling her pics trophies shows he’s still obsessed. You’re not overreacting your gut is catching what he’s trying to hide.
NOR
Calling them “trophies” is deeply disrespectful and objectifying, not to mention the secret folder and the screenshots are a major breach of trust. It’s not just creepy, it’s a huge red flag. Your feelings are valid, and this absolutely deserves a serious conversation (or even reevaluation of the relationship).
Snooping leads to heartache
If he’s masturbating to REGULAR pictures of her, he is imagining WAY more, and clearly likes that idea more than trying to be with you, which is AWFUL.
He needs help, or he needs to go- this is terrible for you and your own self-esteem and value.
Unfortunately, it’s quite normal for guys to save things like this.
If you’d mind your business, you’d be happy right now.
You’re overreacting. People have a fantasy life, deal with it creatively and explore your own with or without your partner.
Oh, this is really worrisome. Damn. Do you have somewhere else to stay?
So… one of things that I did when I left my husband was that I deleted every single photo he had of me during the entirety of our relationship. I completely scoured the internet and now everything is private. Even ones with our kid in it with me, because I knew he would just zoom in and cut them out and use it for porn still.
I couldn’t bear to have images of myself being used like that by a man who felt so threatening to me. It literally turned my stomach too.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know how you move on from it, but you’re not wrong to be disgusted.
He’s sick
The word ” trophy” is intensely creepy to me.
OP, do you have solo “play time”? And if so, do you have a go-to search? Just food for thought.
I feel like this is ONE of his searches. “Today I feel like fapping to…” Not a good one when you’re in a relationship, but something to consider since the therapist has already said that he has a sex addiction.
So gross in SO many ways.
I tried explaining to my man a while back how disgusting it feels to be looked at in certain ways when I’m (for example) grocery shopping at 8am in sweats, and dressed that way for the express purpose of not being noticed sexually. He told me to take it as a compliment, which started a whole educational process that still hasn’t fully reached its goal.