Genuinely need some advice as I don’t know what the hell is happening. My husband ‘M42 walked on me 4 weeks ago F39 after we had a drunk row about his sister. For background last year he accused me of cheating on him, I didn’t cheat and I’ve since proved to him that I didn’t have the one night stand he accused me of. While we were separated for a period of 8 weeks he was living with his sister who was interfering and trying to get him to post things on social media to make me jealous. I took my children away for the weekend and we ended up stranded in the middle of nowhere so I called to ask him for help as a last resort. My mum at the time was severely ill with cancer and I couldn’t ask my dad to leave her to come and help me. His sister locked him in the house and hid the keys so he couldn’t get out. Anyway when we reconciled last year I said I didn’t want anything further to do with her and he agreed and understood why.
Anyway fast forward to 4 weeks ago, we had a row over his sister being invited to a wedding that we were attending and he didn’t tell me about her being invited. I was trying to get the point across that I didn’t feel he had my back and didn’t treat me as a priority and that he was willing to let me walk in the church alone and be face to face with her. He is the best man and my children were going to be bridesmaids so I would have been on my own. He walked out and he hasn’t returned. It took 4 days of manic texts for him to even call me and when he didn’t he said he had checked out and wasn’t coming back. It’s the second time now he’s done this so I was like ok let’s get all ok let’s get this divorce sorted and clean up our loose ends and move on. But now he won’t resolve any loose ends. I’ve just paid £3500 for a family cruise but he won’t give me access to the booking. We are in the process of closing down a company that has an outstanding tax bill I’ve offered him the money to pay for it but he won’t accept it. There’s a few other little bits to do as well. I’ve been to a solicitor and I’ve tried to explain what we need to do in terms of divorce and a clean break order and now he’s saying he won’t agree to anything. It’s like he’s just frozen and I can’t get anything out of him – what is this behaviour ? I should also add we’ve only been married 2 years together for just under 5 years. My husband had no assets, no savings nothing – everything is mine built up from hard work and I have two children from a previous relationship so I am rushing the divorce and clean break order to minimise the financial impact on me and my children
Husband has left but I can’t understand his logic
r/Advice
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I’m not sure if I got this right but.
. .maybe his sister is encouraging him to get money out of you? I don’t know;; tiring situation regardless…hoping for the best for you
Don’t understand it either, but make sure you have a good lawyer and wrap things up asap – if he’s honestly not after anything you shouldn’t rack up too much in legal bills. Doing it yourself would be risky, especially when he’s seemingly not behaving sensibly or doing his part to deal with things – could be messy without a lawyer to keep things on the straight and narrow.
Maybe he’s looking for reasons to break up. Send him on his way.
Life is only this complicated if you allow it.
Call your credit card company and see if you can dispute the cruise charge and you paid for the cruise. Your bank or credit card company can give you the direct contact information to route you the booking information, get a new email address, and have all confirmations sent to the new email address.
Contact a lawyer to discuss your assets and what you already had established with your business. File for the divorce and get on with your life.
Otherwise, keep allowing others to interfere with your life and concerning yourself with attempting to understand his logic. Some things dont make sense. Some people don’t make sense.
Everything doesn’t need to be analyzed. Do you want peace of mind? Let him go.
Jeezzzz
It sounds like he is with another woman and wants out of the relationship. The sister is only in your guy’s business because of what your partner is telling her. Look, no relationship is worth the headache and going back and forth with one another. Get your kids and move on and make sure your mental health is well and your kid’s mental health is well. Your kids are the top priority. The hell with the drama.
It sounds like you will need to pursue mediation and have a court order “make him” proceed. At the very least it gives you the opportunity to block things that might hinder you financially
Your marriage sounds exhausting. Both of you seem manipulative and controlling.
I know it’s natural to look for reasons but honestly, sometimes we never find satisfying or sensical ones. The reasons don’t matter. What matters is that you take action to benefit yourself and your children.
I’m sorry that you’re currently legally stuck to this selfish ineffective manbaby who freezes and runs from problems he created.
This isn’t about his sister. It’s about the fighting, the constant lack of communication, talking but not listening.
The only way through this is with couples counseling.
If he won’t go, go alone.
Is he boinking his sister cause Idk a single man who would let someone hes not banging lock him in a house when his wife and kids need help lmap it’s giving family is too close
Write him off as a bad investment. I’d class the holiday as written off too. Do all your communication through a solicitor, stop reaching out to him directly and leave it at that. Don’t say anything about him online or via text and document everything he says and does about and to you, this will be your armour later on. His sister is pulling the strings and trying to get money out of you. If the holiday is in your name, ring them and just cancel it, take the loss and go somewhere closer to home. My kids love a haven holiday (as much as I’d rather be all inclusive somewhere hot!).
For the tax debt, if your name is on the business too then ignore his unwillingness to accept the money and call them directly. They won’t care where the money comes from as long as they get it.
its not the logic you need to understand, its you learning to not let him get you all twisted up.
your husband sounds pretty immature and for your sake, and the sake of the children its time to cut him off as a loose end. Once you gain control of yourself, he’ll loose all the leverage that’s causing you stress.
Keep on with your solicitor. Communication, finances, everything. Keep the paper trail when it goes to court.
Dont engage with your soon to be ex. Force him to use text, email or court-ordered communication.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. His behavior sounds like emotional avoidance and a control tactic. He’s stalling because facing the reality of divorce — and his own actions — forces accountability he’s not ready for.
You’re doing the right thing by pushing for a clean break. Keep going through your solicitor, and don’t let his silence or indecision delay what’s best for you and your kids. Protect your assets, prioritize your peace, and keep moving forward — even if he refuses to engage.
Consider the cruise as alimony. Write it off in your brain that you are not going.
Talk with a local divorce person & see if you can file without his signature, since you will have copies of all texts showing he “checked out” and wants to be done.
I got served papers (he walked out & I refused to cover any financial responsibility for the divorce because of it) and then never had to show up, because I didn’t contest anything in the papers. It was three years between when he left & when he filed, because it didn’t affect my day to day life & I was NOT gonna do it. It was only because I knew our location could not change anything once I had been served, paperwork had to be 100% before that.
I would call it a good riddance. Contact a good lawyer.