My husband (M45) and I (F 45) went to a car show this past weekend. There was a European car that I fell in love with and went to speak to the owner to ask him questions. This man had to be in his 70s for context as well. After we spoke to him, my husband and I went to eat and on the ride home I had mentioned that I should have gotten his number if I had any other questions in the future about the car and jokingly said and maybe he would let me drive his car too. I did not mean it in the way that he took it at all! He thought I was disrespectful saying 1. that “I” should have gotten his number instead of saying “we” should have gotten his number, and 2 saying something about him letting me drive his car. Obviously I would never dare have the audacity to ever ask someone to drive their very expensive car. And I just feel like he is making me out to be this woman with no common sense on top of being disrespectful by saying the comments he is offended by. I feel like he has turned something completely innocent into something not so innocent if that makes sense. AITAH?
Husband offended
r/AITAH
Comments
I mean, a bit friendly to be grabbing guys numbers to talk about their cars and ask them for a ride? Sounds a bit too friendly and flirty like you’re some type of gold digger for this old man’s car
It was literally a joke. I never asked him for his number. It was a joking comment in the car. That is definitely not who I am AT ALL. He should know this by now
Being jealous of a 70 odd year old is just weird. Clearly other issues in your relationship if he’s that insecure.
Tentative NTA. Maybe you could have worded it “better”, but really, who hasn’t made that joke once in their life. I guess my question is, if the genders were reversed, would you be offended if he made the same joke? If not, your husband needs to loosen up. Chances are this whole thing will blow over within 24 hours.
TA is a bit strong here, i’d say NAH. He did make valid suggestions though. Maybe he didn’t know if you were intentionally trying to make him jealous, or if you were just lost in the moment. Not saying you’d try to intentionally make him jealous, I mean try as in tease him, and he just wasn’t feeling the game.
NTA. Why is your husband so insecure?
Haha I can see how this could be taken wrong I suppose. It’s as the comedian ‘Frank Carson’ used to say ‘it’s how you tell them’. Either you are rubbish at telling jokes or your husband is very insecure. OR maybe he was joking and he’s rubbish at telling jokes. Idk but of all the problems you could have I’m sorry OP but this is so funny to me.
That said if this was my husband and myself we’d both be joking about having a sugar Daddy. Not disrespectfully to the guy but rather just us being silly and exaggerating to the ridiculous and beyond.
If my husband had said the 2 points you stated to me I would have burst out laughing.
I’m sorry OP if this is serious I just can’t help laughing
NTA but your husband needs to let go of his ego. Geez! Of all the stupid things to get upset about, this has to be it.
NTA. Your husband is being a weird asshole.
NTA, your husband’s reaction was definitely over the top. Almost seems like it was some passive-aggressive way of starting an argument so that the real thing bothering them could come out.
You admit that you know how your husband is about other men. Why do you continue to push his buttons? Why would you want to keep upsetting your husband?
Your husband is not insecure. He has his preferences and he prefers that you don’t joke about other men. So if you want a good relationship with him, stop pressing his buttons.
I hope this is fake. Otherwise, you know what to do.
A comedian once said that when a man says something to a woman and there’s two ways of interpreting what he said where one way hurts their feelings, she usually chooses that interpretation and acts hurt. Seems the same is true for everyone.
Oh love…sounds like he’s a man child who cant regulate. 40 when you married?? Im thinking he has a pattern of jealous behavior, take a good look back snd see if you spot the flags. Question is, you willing to allow him to treat you like this for the rest of your marriage? And you apologized as well? Im sorry but no, he’s the problem, not you. Get counseling asap and if he says he wont go, then that’s your answer.
You are from some super patriarchal machismo culture clearly.. mid east? Men from there are super insecure from those places
He sounds like a jealous jerk, but you knew that already didn’t you? Maybe you shouldn’t make jokes that poke at his insecurities. ESH.
Why would you need a number of random dude you met at a car show
Thanks for sharing.
Time for a heart-to-heart with hubbie.
What’s the reason for his insecurity and/or jealousy?
I cannot imagine being with someone who either doesn’t have any sense of humour or is so extremely jealous.
I like to have a friendly chat with the cashier or the waitress. Can’t imagine that my partner would throw a tantrum every time that happened. Well… it would be non-stop I guess. 😉
Stay safe & sane – I‘m rooting for you!
Oh… er… DEFINITELY NTAH!
Honestly not sure what you want from us. He was like this before you married him and yet you stayed.
I know I’m going to get a lot of flack for saying this but I’m gonna go with ESH..I really do believe your husband is overreacting a bit, but that’s probably because I’m a total stranger and I wasn’t there to see it myself or hear how it was said.
That being said your husband’s feelings were obviously hurt. Instead of apologizing for whatever perceived wrongdoings on your part, you instead got defensive about it. Obviously he interpreted different from how you expected and for that you have to say you’re sorry.
A lot of people on here are our to make your husband feel wrong for his feelings on this situation, but it doesn’t change that he didn’t like it.
What car was it?
It was a joke but the thing is, we don’t know enough context about your relationship with your husband and if you’ve ever discussed this before. As it stands, just a joke.
But why would you need to ask questions about the car? Are you planning on buying one? Because if not then it just sounds weird altogether honestly.
YTA. You joked that you wish you could have gotten another guys number.
What did you expect him to think?
TBD
I’d like to hear his side of the story before making a decision. I’m willing to bet we’re missing context here
Yuck. How old is he again? 16? There’s no way he’s 45 and acting like that. NTA but girl….
He sounds insanely insecure. Is this normal behavior for him? Assuming it isn’t normal behavior maybe talk to him and try to see if something is up.
I’m not a jealous person but once in a while something happens out of the ordinary that catches me off guard and I react differently than normal. Talk to him.
Is he pretty frugal? Maybe the idea of a frivolous gift to yourself made him uptight. Or could he have been jealous in any way?
Every relationship is interesting to me.
Reading your replies
YOU’RE AN ARSEHOLE TO YOURSELF.
But you seem to enjoy this mistreatment, judging by the tone of your replies!!!
Did he actually say he thought your statement (Using “I” instead of “we”) was disrespectful or is this what your intuition tells you he was thinking?
This mf acting like a M25
What was the car?
He’s jelly his wife is lusting after a car owned by a man that is not himself. Does he come across as insecure typically? It’s as if his ego is wounded so he’s turning it around to blame you for something he can’t mentally or to emotionally deal with. Asshole move to twist your words, esp if y’all were having a good day otherwise before this. The grown man can’t comprehend his own feelings and gets mad like a toddler who can’t get their words out right lol NTA but your husband is!
Got.
NTA. Your husband sounds incredibly insecure.
Your husband has issues