My husband (29M) and me (25F) are part of a large friendship group. The boys have been friends since they were in primary school, and even moved cities together. Once they moved the group expanded to include girls as well. At one point (prior to meeting me ofc) my husband started dating his ex, this was a short lived and quite toxic (physical abuse to him) relationship (less than 6 months). My husband is quite diplomatic and tries to keep the peace so not all of his friends even know the full extent of his experience. After the breakup his close girl best friend, started to hangout and become close to the ex, though she wasn’t as close to the ex when they were dating, (my husband and the girl bsf were a lot closer). Its been a couple years and they (ex and girl bsf) have become quite close, which has really strained my husband’s relationship with his girl bsf. As all the guys started to get married, the ex became quite involved in all the wives’ lives, and befriended them. Now my husband’s friends, are slowly becoming close to the ex too. My husband is really hurt by this but struggles to voice this as he is worried he’ll loose his friends to the situation. We have expressed our discomfort but understand everyone is an awkward position. Knowing what my husband went through in that relationship I feel protective of him and his emotions, and I don’t know how to navigate it when his friends make choices that question their loyalty to him. His ex has been overly nice to me in the past, almost to make a point in front of the group, running to hug me when we barely knew each other at parties. She also has done backhanded things like make posts about how much she loves the other guys’ wives and they will make posts about her too. Another example is when she gathered everyone for photos but grabbed these girls and was taking photos with just them in front of me. Its hard to point these things out though because its quite covert and easy to play off as ‘I didn’t mean anything by it.’ So I just let these situations slide but it feels so awkward.
TLDR: Husband’s ex still in friendship group, becoming closer to his group post his break up and marriage to author. Husband’s friend’s wives very close to ex post their break up, making husband and I feel awkward. How to navigate this?
My question is – how do we communicate our boundaries? How can my husband voice his feelings to his friends/what can he reasonably expect? How would it be best to navigate this situation with firm boundaries but without being hurtful to anyone?