It all started when I first met this girl nine moths ago, I got introduced to her by my friend. I have had terrible depression for as I could remember. (This will be important later) At first I saw her and I thought oh wow, she’s very pretty, and very kind and nice. But, I didn’t really like-like her at the time. Then 2-4 days later, I just started thinking about her. I had a that sort warm, love, queasy, buzz that you have when you love someone. However, someone asked her out and she said yes. This guy that asked her out was in general an ok guy he was more bad than good but he was ok. I still liked her though. I still liked her a lot and I still felt the buzz. Two months later the guy started acting up. He didn’t pay attention to her at all, he didn’t really respect her, and in school, he started to get more detention, and he got suspended a lot. I knew it was a matter of time before they broke up. As the months went on, while she was dating the guy, I dated many other girls to try to replace her. They mostly cheated on me and I broke up with them. (I dated like three girls) and the depression strengthened a bit. The buzz feeling started to go away more after December. I still had the buzz till the second to last month of school, but it was more faint. Well, the last week of school, they broke up. Two weeks later, I don’t know why, but it was like I didn’t realize that the love drained out my heart. Even so, I knew I liked her and a week after the love drained out of my heart, I asked her out, and she said she liked me the whole time, and said yes. I knew that the love drained out, because I didn’t feel the nice buzz after she started to talk with me. It’s sorta like I know there’s supposed to be love but it’s not there and feel like something’s missing. I also feel like the depressions going away, I started to eat more then one meal a day, I started to clean my room, and help my mom with stuff, I started with better hygiene and so-fourth. It’s like I’m trying to be better to be worthy for someone I love that I don’t think I’m worthy for but the love is gone and something is missing. I do think about her a lot. I dont want to break up but I do want to fix this problem. How shall I do this without breaking up with her and keeping my perfect relationship with her? Btw I can’t really feel love at all in general not only for her it’s like also with my mom, I don’t feel that warmth, and safe feeling I had with them anymore. (Sorry for talking a lot. I gave all the information so that you people can help me as best as possible)
tl;dr:
I had depression since forever. I liked my girlfriend for nine months, but someone dated her right when I started liking her so I had to wait 8 months till they broke up and I tried dating other girls to try to replace the love I had for her, and when that didn’t work, i felt worse then before, then weeks later I just randomly couldn’t feel that love I had at the beginning. I realized along the way I can’t feel like the warmth, safe feeling anymore with anyone. Not even my mom. I started dating her. After I started dating her, I saw the normal signs that tell you, you like someone. I think about her all the time, my depression started going away. But it is like it is there but I can’t feel anything. And I want to FEEL the love had for her, and my family again. Not just see it. How do I accomplish this without breaking up with her, or destroying my perfect relationship with her?😐
if you want to give actual advice, I suggest reading the whole story not just the tl;dr.
Comments
Seems that what you are describing is a symptom of depression, this lack of feeling not only for her but for other people and things too. With depression you get numb and feel empty sometimes.
I suggest seeking counselling, you’ll feel much better with treatment, I promise you.
I feel more empty inside with her than my mom it’s like I feel just a little something with my mom at least.
I say this with all the kindness in the world – you have to find a way to love yourself. I know that sounds really dumb and weird, but you need to look after yourself first – always in life, and you need to learn that when you’re young.
You’re going to have to do hard stuff in your life, and if you don’t feel like you are able to say “I got this” when that hard stuff happens – then it’s going to always feel like it hurts and is worse than it is.
Being in love is so good, it is – but you have to find ways to show that love to yourself too.