For context, we met the summer before freshman year started. We were together until February of sophomore year because we would fight a lot and not see eye to eye much. Then, from Feb to May-ish we were still in contact because I wanted to be with him and he wanted to be friends so he tried to stay in contact. Eventually, I was sick of him trying to have his cake and eat it too by wanting me in his life but not as his gf so we went no contact for a month. I had him removed/blocked on everything but snap. Then I saw snap notifs that he was saving snaps to his camera roll in end of June/July.
Then the conversation about getting back together is sparked because I didn’t feel comfortable getting with someone else and then coming back. I wanted to either try with him or move on fully. We reconnected and started dating again in August. Our relationship was good but there were some minor issues that really made me feel like he didn’t understand me.
For my birthday, he gave me an amazon gift card. For his birthday, I crocheted him a bag and knitted him a sweater for his trip. But we talked about these things and I saw his effort. Then it started to get rocky in April/May. In April and honestly those spring months, I would tell him that I wished we would have deep conversations more or stay up on facetime because it felt like we were both becoming stagnant and complacent. I also had to ask him to plan dates. One moment that captured this was when we both went to a cafe and were just sitting outside in the sun and eating. He wanted me to come back to his house but I just wanted to be outside because I knew we would just be in his room.
In May, I hit my last straw. Or it was more like my several last straws. First, I had found out he was asking one of our mutual friends (a girl) to workout just one on one and she declined out of respect for me. I also found out that he was asking another girl that he had been friends with before us to work out several times one on one. The issue was he had liked her that same summer we first got back together and then again after we broke up and he knew I was always insecure about her. Both times, he didn’t have a conversation with me beforehand even though he knew that I can feel weird about him being with girls one on one. For the record, I would never ask him to stop being friends with someone solely out of insecurity. All I wanted was consideration BEFORE doing these things, not just telling me as a mere afterthought.
I also found out that he was going to mutual friends and telling them that our relationship was crumbling despite the fact that I had been very private about our relationship. This time I also found out from other sources, he didn’t think to discuss this with me or even tell me after. Also, he had a long streak on snapchat with this girl that he was friends with and he didn’t even have one with me or anyone else! I know that might seem stupid but it’s just about the lack of consideration like he never once thought “this looks really bad” or “i should talk about this with her.” Also, I don’t have many guy friends. I have one friend that I talk to very infrequently and the thought of us hanging out one on one while in relationships is so weird to me.
We had several convos about the situation and I was reaching my breaking point. He told me he wanted to try and I was the one that suggested taking time to figure out what he wanted. But then it hit me that I always knew what I wanted and I always was looking for ways to fix us. How could we be together for almost 3 years and he still didn’t know what he wanted from a relationship with me? So, I broke it off. It was really emotional and it’s been three months since. We’ve kinda been in contact since then, and we’ve had conversations about the future. Those conversations consisted of him telling me I deserve better and that he can’t be with anyone right now. Also, the catalyst for one of those conversations was that he was going to a place just to see me and I felt like maybe I owed him a conversation to help him move on/ not be as obsessive in the healing process? That might’ve just been an excuse to see him. I know I probably jumped the gun with talking about getting back tg but I know now that only time will tell if we are meant to be in each others lives or not. I still can’t get over the disrespect and the amount of times it felt like I was an afterthought and the difference in me trying to better our relationship and him just like not. There’s also just so much history to ignore.
So the question is do I even let myself consider getting back together as an option? I still have a lot of love for him as a person and I want to be with him but I need him to respect me as a person and for me to be considered. The only regret I have is not loving him more and louder, but I need someone who is going to be as committed to making things work and thrive. The last time we spoke, we agreed that we just need to see how we feel in a couple of months to see basically if this is something we can move on from or if there’s still something worth fighting for. I know we are probably going to talk in like October.
tldr: I’ve been in an on and off relationship for like 3 years and broke it off because I felt like we were getting complacent and I was repeatedly not being considered when he made certain choices. Do we try again for the 3rd time?