I (17M), met this girl (now 17F) 2 year ago on school. We are on the same class and started talking not much after. I did have feelings for her at that time, but I have some beliefs about church and children that made me know it wouldn’t work (I was very christian and did not want to have kids).
I accepted it for a long time and we became good friends. What’s interesting is that despite me having difficulty talking to most people or just not feeling great talking to them, that never happened with her. I always had fun when we talked and even when I distanced myself from our friend group, that didn’t go away (though we did talk less for that period of time).
Then, at the end of last year, we started talking more again. I had some crushes over that time and talked to her about it, since there weren’t a lot of people from the mentioned friend group that i wanted to talk about that.
I started to feel that feeling again. Our talks were about a lot of different stuff and i felt safe and comfortable talking to her. It felt good. I felt like I wanted that forever. But I knew that she probably did not want a relationship with me so I decided to talk to her about it. If she said yes, then great. If she said no, then I would do something and get rid of that feeling.
We were at school that morning and before class we went to a quiet place and I confessed. I never did that before, and I did not expect that outcome.
She confessed to me that she was lesbian.
I can assure you that I thought of many outcomes. “Yes”, “no”, “get away from me”, etc. But she being lesbian was something I did not expect.
In retrospect there were signs. The way that she was more open, the music that she started listening, her wallpaper, after knowing it was clear that she was lesbian, and that is a reason that it wouldn’t work. So I decided to work on getting the feeling away from my mind. She asked to keep it a secret for now and only another friend of hers and I know that.
That was a month and a half ago. I thought that it went away. That i wasn’t going to feel like that for her anymore.
But then I saw that again. The way that we can go talking for hours and not be bored. The way that I felt when I had the opportunity to talk with her. The way that I felt when I received a text from her. I was in love, and still am.
It never went away. It feels like it never will. I love talking to her but I would love to have that forever instead of until school ends. I accept her sexuality and have nothing against her on that, but she is the only person I feel this way. It feels like I won’t find anyone like that anytime soon.
I have read about some of these situations and the most common suggestion is to take some time away from the person, and I get why, but I don’t want to do that. I love what we have and I don’t want to lose my closest friend. Especially because I won’t have anyone like that for a long time.
But i know that I have to do something. I can’t go on with this feeling.
Does anyone know what I should do?
TL;DR: My best friend of two years who I am in love with came out as lesbian and I am still in love and can’t get that feeling to go away. What should I say/do?
Comments
This happened to me like twice lol. You’re not gonna like the answer, but the healthiest thing to do is lower contact with her. You’ll never get over her if she’s constantly in your life. If she asks why, just tell her the truth. “My crush on you isn’t fading, and since I know we can’t date it’s hurting me to be so close to you.”