I’m 17 now, male, and autistic (high-functioning). Back in Year 9 (when I was 14), there was this emo girl with dyed red hair who suddenly started calling me her “best friend.” She’d talk to me in class, give me nicknames, I developed feelings for her(this was the most positive attention I’ve gotten from a woman, and I’ve never had a girlfriend); she and her friends did this with other neurodivergent kids.
By Year 10 (15 years old), things changed. We had fewer classes together, and when we did, she sat far from me, always chatting with her friends. I struggled to join in-group conversations are hard for meand when I tried to talk to her one-on-one, she’d either ignore me or tell me to shut up. The weirdest part? She’d still come up to me sometimes and complain, “Why don’t you talk to me anymore?”
By Year 11 (16 years old), I gave up. Her best friend kept giving me the side-eye whenever I was near them, and I never told her I had a crush on her because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship she had with the other neurodivergent kids.
Then Year 11 ended. She went off to college, and I started Sixth Form (in the UK, college is different from uni, you do A-Levels in Sixth Form if you want to go to university). A whole year has passed since then, I still have sexual fantasies about her, and I feel very guilty about it
Comments
She didn’t love you she liked the attention and used your kindness like a toy she could toss aside. You deserve real connection not crumbs from someone who only noticed you when it was convenient let obsession die where respect never lived.
She treated you like a joke and your brain’s just stuck. Cut the reminders and give that energy to someone who deserves it.
There is nothing to feel guilty about and you’ve actually handled this all very well. It’s hard to break a connection with the only person who gives us that kind of attention. Give it time, it’ll get better and you’ll meet someone new who treats you properly!
The first step is to say that you can’t control what happened, only that it’s done and over.
The second step is to put yourself back out there and try to meet someone new. Join some clubs and go to college social events; you’ll meet someone who is into the same things as you.
My middle son went through a similar situation. It’s okay to cut things that remind you of her a little at time. It’s going to make room for someone else you will care about to come into your life. It’s also okay to remember good things you liked about her chances are she had some good qualities that pain of loss is muddying up. Either way you are 17 your life’s just starting.
She didn’t like you, she just liked the attention you gave her, and she got off on it.
Find someone who genuinely likes you for who you are.
I think you being on the spectrum disqualifies pretty much all of us from giving you advice on this, our brains are simply not wired the same, there are several subreddits centered around autism, more than likely one or more for getting and giving advice
Women are weird. They tend to make the bulk of decisions based on their emotions and how they feel in the moment. This is why this girl flip flopped with you, back and forth like a yo-yo. She used you to fulfill some inner need she had. It seems like she never felt about you the way you did about her. I believe she was condescending to you and the Neuro divergent kids she paid attention to. It was like a game to those girls.
That girl is gone. She went away. I doubt she thinks of you very often or at all. You’re moving into the absolute best time of your life. You’re gonna meet all new people and develop life long friendships. Get excited about that. Leave her in the past. Some girl you knew in your younger years, what we call high school in the U.S. That’s all. Remember how she treated you? That’s not love. She’s basically not worth the energy you expend thinking about her. Focus on the future.