We just moved in together, and he has never showed so much anger until we moved in together. About 3 weeks ago, I told my bf that we had to clean the sheets and the cloth items again. His niece had lice and I ended up babysitting her, so I told him we needed to check our heads and make sure we clean everything in our apt. I was in the shower when, I told him. He then started screaming and slamming things, and saying “he knew this was going to fucking happened”. He then came into in the bathroom, where I was taking a shower and slammed the door closed. Then proceeded to scream, and got in the shower with me and punched the wall in the shower. I told him, that it scared me and he said “it is better than me hitting you”. I was so scared of what, he was thinking when, he said that. When we got out of the shower, he threw the charger that was on the floor. This is only one of the incidents. The most recent one was abt three days ago, because he wasn’t able to fix the dryer and he started punching the dryer and slamming things and screaming.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
It’s time to run. It will escalate.
Yes, you should be very concerned.
This sounds like a really toxic relationship. It’s just going to get worse. It sounds like he’s the type of person that will eventually lay his hands on you. You need to leave before it’s too late.
He is showing you who he is, believe him and RUN. Don’t confront him, don’t tell him you’re leaving. Go to your parents/immediate family/friends ASAP and tell them everything.
RUN!
Leave now
This is really really worrying and VERY concerning. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel safe, not scared. In my experience, men like that don’t change and the violence will escalate. Please please put yourself and your safety first and leave him x
Get out. Break your lease. That 1800$ or whatever is going to save you a hell of a lot later.
Your doubt makes me think some of your family might behave this way or something? Because this is actually scary. No disrespect about your family At all. Especially at your age do not keep stay in this.
You’ll be sad for one day then extremely relieved.
Please get yourself out. Dont try to fix him or make him happy, all that will do is make him dependant on you then he will demand it More and more.
Please listen to the old heads on here, you can’t “love someone” into being better.
Get yourself out of there ASAP agreed with everyone else here. It WILL be directed toward you and it will be soon. That is not healthy behavior.
RED FLAGS! RED FLAGS! you need to find yourself a better bf! If you stay with him HE WILL HIT YOU and he will repeat his actions! He’s already told you to your face ‘it was better than hitting you!’ That right there is a major red flag for him telling you he is ready to hit you. Next time you may not be so lucky. GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP while you still can! You deserve BETTER! contact women’s aid
Babygirl, get out now. It starts with walls, you are next. Any man that says “it’s better than hitting you” WANTS to hit you but is temporarily showing restraint.
You need to get out now before he hits you. Trust me, he WILL hit you. It’s only a matter of time, and once he hits you, he will keep hitting you worse and worse every time
Abuse. This is literally abuse. Indirect violence to intimidate you, and saying it’s better than hitting you, is him threatening you to show you what he could do. He doesn’t listen to you and minimizes your feelings when you are scared. He is abusing you.
Run. Get out now. I‘m assuming you haven’t been dating longer than a couple of years since you are so young, and the longer you stay, the harder it gets to leave.
Does he take care of you in other ways? Financially, emotionally, etc? If he’s paying more money on the things you share together, for example, and saying that he wants to take care of you, be weary in this situation. Before you know it, you could be stuck because you didn’t save the money to be able to move out, or you might find yourself isolated from family or friends who can help because he became the center of your world.
Leave before you are completely trapped.
Leave, and quick. Next time, he will hit you, I guarantee it.
Time Line Therapy from an NLP practitioner is a very effective process for resolving excessive anger. That’s what worked really well for me. But i knew i had a problem. Does he acknowledge he has a problem? Does he want to change, or is he, “That’s just how i am” ? That’s the critical aspect.
If he’s would to have help, you can help him find the right therapist – don’t waste your time with CBT because it’s about managing the symptoms to some degree, not actually resolving his anger so he’s behind a more peaceful person.
If he doesn’t want to change, or won’t admit he has a problem, it’s going to take something really bad happening to him for him to acknowledge it, and there’s nothing you will be able to do in the meantime. Don’t warn him, just plan your exit and move out when he’s at work.
What the fuck is this behavior? Sounds like mental instability or serious anger issues. Either leave or take him to a therapist
Leave now before he beats you
Because he will and then will apologise and say it’ll never happen again.. until it does
He’s going to hit you. Actually he will probably do more than hit you, if you continue to stay there will be a point where you think it’s a good day if the only thing he did was smack you around. Leave.
Good god, this post is gonna be used in evidence one day. Don’t let that become your fate. Don’t allow your life to be ruined and cut short by this person.
At age 18 you are very very young to have moved in with somebody.
May I strongly suggest for your own safety you immediately move out get your family and friends to rescue you do not confront him and do not be alone when you tell him you are leaving.
And then work save up some money get a flat share with some other people vet them well to make sure that they are decent folks first, and take some assertiveness training and possibly some therapy. Assertiveness training is going to ensure that if somebody else screams at you and punches a wall and says it’s so that they don’t punch you, you will immediately know your own worth and immediately know without having to ask a single soul that you need to get away from this person immediately.
Now please arrange to get out of this bad situation immediately and then please update us. Wishing you well.
Run. He threatened you and is escalating behavior.
A 20yr old shouldn’t be throwing violent temper trantrums